Found a lighter in dd's pocket

[PapaStinky]

He is almost 12 and not smoking as far as I'm aware. He has started hanging about with a new bunch of friends and enjoying the freedom of the school holidays. He's always home on time but otherwise generally defiant and hard work.

Just found a lighter in his pocket I had to pretty much hold onto him to search his pockets as mother's tuition told me he was up to something. He denies wanting to cause fires or anything and said he found it and they like to smash them as they go poof which I have no clue what this means . I have obviously confiscated it but allowed him back out after strong words.

Want to give him some freedom and trust but don't want to check up on him every 5 mins to see what they're up to, don't know if I should be worried?

Whoops title should say ds's pocket not dd's.

I think the stamping on and watching them go poof is a load of shit. I bet they start a fire and throw them in to watch them explode. Or, you know, he's smoking..

They do actually go poof when you throw them. I used to do this when I was a kid. Then again I also smoked so... It's really hard to say. He could be doing any number of things I'm afraid.

One thing I would say though is when we were smashing them to watch the mini explosion we would buy the cheap multipacks. I can't see anyone bothering to do this with just one lighter. Sounds more like he's smoking or setting fire to stuff.

You’d be able to smell smoking on him, but I can’t think of any reasonable reason for him to have one. I think you need to get to know some of these new friends. Join your local fb group. If they are doing anything antisocial you’ll hear about it and then be able to discipline if you need to!

If he was smoking you would probably be able to smell it on him.
I expect he found it somewhere and has been fiddling with it and showing it off to his mates. Probably not an arsonist in training, but it is so easy to start a fire by accident (and not even know about it if it's just something smouldering away until it catches something and goes up).

I would suggest a long talk about how dangerous playing with fire is. What to do if he catches fire. And that it doesn't matter if it was an accident/worried he'll get into trouble to ALWAYS call 999 and tell an adult straight away if a fire gets too big to put out (and that's basically any fire!).

Oh, and obviously get rid of the lighter.

You’d be able to smell smoking on him

Yeah, my mum thought so too. When a friend's mum dobbed me in for smoking my mum said I couldn't possibly smoke because she would smell it on my hair (waist-length, thick and curly).

I smoked for years before she found out

Go for the hands to smell smoke, they generally forget about them, freshly washed hands are shifty too

You’d be able to smell smoking on him

Only if OP is a non smoker. If she smokes too she won't notice it. Smokers have no idea how bad they smell;