More nervous about giving birth second time

[username336896]

Currently expecting DC2. With DD I was surprising calm about the birth. I think because I didn't really know what to expect. From a medical perspective it went well. Although I did get high blood pressure and had a episiotomy (this massively helped).
However, despite this I am really scared to give birth again. More so as a friend has also recently had a still born. I think my main fear is the pain and getting a tear especially if they don't give me a episiotomy again.
Is this normal? I keep hearing from other mums how they were more relaxed second time as they felt they understood more.

I think it is normal... I can't speak for other people, but when I was pregnant with my first one, it felt almost unreal iyswim. I didn't think of the risks and challenges, what could go wrong etc. I don't think I was 100 percent mentally prepared for it, even though it was something I knew I wanted. My labour was a traumatic experience, and yet the whole thing still didn't seem real. I look at pictures of myself post birth, and even though I was smiling, I wasn't in the moment. I'm in a much better mental head space now, and now I'm pregnant with my DC2 I think I'm much more scared of everything, because I love my first born fiercely, and I don't want anything to go wrong... It definitely feels more real, especially as I'm having pregnancy symptoms this time round when I didn't before

I was shitting myself before my third, because I knew how much it would hurt!!
However I had an episiotomy with my first and tore with the second two, and the tears healed so much faster and better, and I didn’t feel them at the time (or I couldn’t distinguish that pain from all the rest of it!!)