Funeral flowers

[ISeeDeadDandelions]

I need help with what to write on my DDad's funeral flowers from my DD and I. We weren't close while I was growing up, he was a crappy father. My mum kicked him out when I was 11 for gambling and debt. It was bad.

I didn't see a lot of him from then on, not until I had my now 3yo DD really. I was amazed how excited and happy he was when I had her, like he really cared. We've seen him every week from the day she was born.

He was very ill toward the end and was housebound. He lived with a sibling and they were his main carer. He promised that some money he was receiving (that was paid for his carer, his sibling, who said it should be kept to one side for the funeral expenses) was not being touched and would cover his funeral. Turns out he has spent it all, and also cashed in his private pension just last year (not a lot for a pension, but over £12k) and that's gone too. Most likely gambled away as he had nothing else to spend on.

So now it falls to my DB and I to arrange and pay for his funeral. We're bloody annoyed as he knew we don't have much but we will obviously sort it out, however the funeral flowers is the thing I'm really stuck on. I can't say he will always be in our hearts, or forever thinking of him, or anything even remotely soppy, but I have to write something nice as it's from my DD too and other people will see it and I don't want anyone who didn't know what he was truly like to think badly of him.

Sorry, this was probably much longer than it needed to be, and in the grand scheme of things it's probably not important, but I have to get this right for myself, to know I wrote something that I meant but wasn't mean. He was my DDad after all.

Help??

Sorry for your loss, and for your experiences with your dad.

I'm not sure that you have to write any message on flowers... When my dad died, I just put a spray of flowers on top of the coffin. I didn't have relationship problems with him; I just didn't feel the need to write anything. And, for what it's worth, I didn't order the flowers from a florist either - I bought some irises from a shop (I had had irises in my wedding bouquet when he gave me away) and used some ribbon left over from my wedding bouquet to bind them.

Do what feels right to you. It is nobody else's business what you write or don't write.

PS: when my dad died, the undertaker suggested that my DD (4 at the time) drew a picture for him which went into the coffin. Maybe you could arrange to do something like that as a message from her?

Given that he was quite ill, I would write along the lines of..
Your at peace now Dad
and now you can rest

Do you need to say anything on them? the only flowers we had at my dad's funeral were on the coffin and we didn't write anything on them. We didn't have separate flowers. The only flowers were from extended family abroad that couldn't make the funeral.

Just one spray will do - with a message if you want to write one.

‘Now at peace, with love from Dandelions and DD’.

We just had a small spray of flowers on DH's coffin, he didn't like money being spent on flowers at funerals. Didn't write a note on them and then brought them home after the cremation

That was meant to say DF not DH

Sorry for your loss
You don’t need to write anything on the flowers, You could just put
something really simple like “With love Dandelion and DDname”, or get your DD to draw a little flower or a heart or similar and put your names on on the little card from the florists. No-one is expecting some great work of prose and you are right not to want to put some maudlin but untrue sentiments. Don’t overthink it.
Btw, if your late father died leaving little or no estate, then he would probably be eligible for a Public Health funeral. You and your brother, or any other remaining family are not obliged to pay the funeral expenses, although many people do feel that there is a moral obligation, and you have to be brave enough to refuse, though it is not an easy thing to do. Please have a think about this if paying would leave either of you in debt or financial hardship.

Sorry for your loss.
I didn’t think anything needed to be written on flowers on top of the coffin. I think they cost about £100 upwards. Not cheap.
As someone else has suggested why not look up if there are any benefits available to you.
Making your own flower arrangement is way cheaper. You can buy the bits you need from specialist shops, my nearest is called Country Baskets but I don’t know if it’s a chain or not, and flowers from Aldi, Asda etc.
I doubt anyone would say anything but if they did you could always explain that you wanted to make them yourself as a last gift to your dad. I’m sure there will be YouTube videos to show you how easy it is.