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Original poster

7 year old wants to change name

28 replies

DryBananaHippyHat · 04/08/2019 10:55

Have name changed, this is super outing! Have a 7yo dd called Mary. For the last 18 months she has been calling herself Florence and is adamant she wants to change her name. All the kids at school know about this and call her a mixture of the two names. Now she tells me she wants me to tell her new teacher to call her Florence. I signed her up for a sports club this week and, at her request, put her name down as Florence and she's absolutely delighted. They've even sent her a t shirt with Florence printed on it and her face was a picture!

I don't have a problem with this as such, apart from remembering to call her Florence. But my question is, to what extent do we go with this? She seems pretty set on it, as I said it's been a while now. Do I talk to her teacher?

*names have been changed!

OP posts:
bitchfromhell · 04/08/2019 11:07

This happened to a child when I was at primary school many moons ago. She left for summer holidays as Rebecca and came back in the Autumn as Anne. From memory her parents inserted Anne as a middle name. Could that be an option? Allow Florence as a middle name and let her go by what she chooses?

campion · 04/08/2019 11:10

Schools have to go with her legal name for anything formal/ official. Therefore she's going to have 2 different names if you continue this. You'd need to speak to school /HT, not her class teacher, going forward,otherwise reports,exam entries etc get tricky.

I can think of a couple of people when I was at school who were always known by a nickname which was nothing like their given name. One had been called this from toddlerhood! However, teachers didn't generally go along with it, instead using their actual name which sounded a bit odd to us but you just accept it.

Maybe just play along for now. She may want to be something else in another year other two!

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 04/08/2019 11:11

I'd go with it for now and let her choose the name she uses. If she's still known as Florence by the time secondary school comes around, I'd look at legal name changes (eg Florence Mary or Mary Florence)

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7 year olds Behaviour & development Families
campion · 04/08/2019 11:18

Plus your names made me smile as my MiL's names were Florence Mary but she was always called Molly throughout her life from being a baby. But at school she was always Florence,which she felt was another version of her that she had to go along with.
She actually hated Florence!

(I know yours are just examples but it just reminded me)

RiaOverTheRainbow · 04/08/2019 11:23

The school should be fine using a "known as" name. I imagine it would be less confusing to have "Mary Jones, known as Florence" on record than a child whose friends call them something different to the register.

Original poster
DryBananaHippyHat · 04/08/2019 11:25
Grin

I wouldn't mind but the name she wants was on our list. Although if we'd used that it's guaranteed that the awkward little beggar would want her current name!

I think we'll just go along as we are, using Florence when we remember and maybe tackle it properly in high school if it's still an issue. She knows she has to be 18 to change it properly! This isn't the first time she's done this. In reception she refused to answer to anything other than her middle name (Deirdre*) for about six months. Her reception teacher went along with it and even wrote about it in her report. But this latest one has stuck.

*also changed!

OP posts:
AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 04/08/2019 14:08

It is possible to change names before 16 if everyone with PR agrees
www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/change-a-childs-name

In fact, if it's going to happen I'd strongly advise doing it before GCSE study starts (ie before Y10) as you don't want to get into issues with names on exam certificates being different - she'll spend her life explaining it. Changing them later is somewhere between very expensive and impossible.

Hoghgyni · 04/08/2019 14:29

My DC uses a different name to the one on their birth certificate. All of their official paperwork is in their official name. The only time we had an issue was when they went on a school trip and despite repeatedly reminding the school that the passport was in a different name, they booked the tickets in the wrong name. DC only told me this after they were airside on the way out. I told them to make sure that at least one teacher was behind them on the way back, preferably one who spoke the local language. They got home in one piece, but it may be a different story post Brexit.

00100001 · 04/08/2019 14:32

I wouldn't fret. I work at a school, and we have their name and "preferred name"(PN)

Sometimes it Rebecca PN Rebecca, sometimes it's Rebecca PN Beckie....and others or Rebecca PN Sophie!

All kids are referred to by the PN. Except for exam entries, official name in reports (but comments will use PN)

RandomFriday · 04/08/2019 15:03

My DD says she doesn't like her name and wants a pretty name 🤷🏼‍♀️ she Scarlett. She hasn't gone this far yet though.

Likethebattle · 04/08/2019 15:20

My mother has always been known by her middle name. So her name would be Mary Florence but always been called Florence as she had 3 Aunts called Mary?! I have never understood why my gran didn’t call her Florence Mary..as she called her Florence from birth. Her official documents are in Mary Florence.

Di11y · 04/08/2019 15:38

I'd add Florence as a middle name if it carries on for another 6 months or so

OtraCosaMariposa · 04/08/2019 15:44

but always been called Florence as she had 3 Aunts called Mary?

FIL is the same. He is, for example William Michael Smith but is known as everyone as "Mike" because there were too many Williams in the family and it got confusing. The idea of calling him Michael William didn't seem to occur to them.

And now, 70 odd years later, he's admitted to hospital quite ill, upset and confused and even more confused that the nurses are using the "wrong" name.

She''s 7. It's a fad. I wanted to change my name to Tracy when I was 7. My parents took the "that's nice dear" approach and I grew out of it.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2019 15:51

My father was “known as” all his life. He was reasonably well known in the public sphere as his “known as” and I don’t think it ever caused any problems at all. He was occasionally announced as Fred Russell known as Bert and nobody blinked an eye.

SandraOhshair · 04/08/2019 17:17

I've used my known by name since childhood. Everyone assumes it's my real name, only passport, tax and banking stuff has my real name. I even apply for jobs etc using my known by name. I dont even bother explaining my documents will differ. It's never been an issue whatsoever. If someone ever finds out my real name, they are always surprised as it does not suit me in the slightest.

SandraOhshair · 04/08/2019 17:18

BUT, I did have another preferred name at your daughters name, which just didn't stick. So I'd hold off doing anything formal until at least her teens.

SandraOhshair · 04/08/2019 17:19

Doh, daughters name = daughters age.

CakeNinja · 04/08/2019 17:22

It shouldn’t be in any way tricky at school, we have quite a few children ‘known as x’ with the known as name being completely different from their birth names.
As long as she knows that for school things like SATS exams and... (actually I can’t think of anything else that gets sent and marked externally) that she will need to write her birth name.
I think you can change a name at any age though with consent? Haven’t looked into that myself though.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/08/2019 17:22

I wouldn’t change the name officially- every time a child goes through a phase filling out paperwork? Nope. Sure call yourself what you
Like but your legal name is Mary.

TigerDroveAgain · 04/08/2019 17:23

SandraOhshair

I’m the same: my passport and driving licence are in my given name, most other things in my assumed name. I use the same signature on everything and have never had any issues. I loathe my given name so was delighted to change it at 14, to a completely made up non-name that is used by everyone

Hoghgyni · 04/08/2019 17:50

An awful lot of DC named by parents on the Baby Names threads must do exactly the same thing when they're old enough appreciate what their parents have done!

Itstheprinciple · 04/08/2019 18:33

I wanted to be Toni when I was that age. My DM did not indulge me!

JockTamsonsBairns · 04/08/2019 18:49

Is it different in Scotland then? I changed my ds1's name at the age of 6, for complicated reasons not relevant to this thread. I just informed the school, and it was fine. We moved to England when he was 7, and he started his new school with his new name - SATS report came with his new name, Dr's surgery and hospital appts all fine with the new name too.
We had some issues with getting him a passport, so used his original name until he was 16 and changed it officially.

QueenofLouisiana · 04/08/2019 19:00

I taught two ‘known as’ children last year, a Florence (officially Mary) and a Fred (officially John). No problem: reports written in their chosen names, but they had to use their legal names for yr6 SATs papers, but I sent the results in their chosen names as I put that information into letters myself.

FuckAPotNoodle · 04/08/2019 19:04

My DS changed his approximately three years ago, opting to use a variation of his middle name as his preferred name.

All his new friends and colleagues only know him by PN, I use PN 99 per cent of the time, other family and older friends forget and use his original name.

He is relaxed enough to know this is par for the course and answers to both.