DC hates DH. Anyone been through the same?

[rideordie]

DC is 21 months and his dislike for DH has only grown.

In the last month he's taken to screaming like he's been murdered by him if DH picks him up and tries to comfort him.

He cries when DH even walks into the room.

DH is getting seriously stressed now, although trying his very best to not let it get to him. But he just keeps getting knocked down I would feel so hurt if I was DH.

DC doesn't really 'like' other people at all, and avoids other children. He's with my SIL a few days a week and he's often really not nice to other DC if they try to get too close to him or bother him. He will tell hem no a few times and if they don't listen and back off, he will go for them.

He doesn't like my SIL and won't even look at her, really.

He's very much a 'distant' personality type but I get the best out of him as his mum. He's extremely calm with me but I suspect that's because I have the boobs.

He blanks people in general although often takes an interest in strangers by smiling at them with twinkly eyes. Mostly though, once he knows you well he starts to really dislike you.

My biggest issue though is with poor DH. He's always really tried, even tried taking a 'step back' approach and letting DC come to him. But that never works and DC just seems happy he's out of the way.

Any advice as I'm really so stressed with it all. He's constantly moaning and pissed off unless it's just me and him or him by himself

Forgot to add that one of the days I work is a Saturday and DH has him. He's a nightmare for him all day and won't so much as smile at him.

It's exhausting to hear and watch, let alone experience.

I can't say it's a new thing. He's always been like this, even when he was a tiny baby.

How’s his development? Everything on time? No concerns?

I ask because my DS2 was like this, he was diagnosed with autism at aged 7. He’s “high functioning” but my god he was hard work as a baby.

Josh Quite a few concerns, actually.

The only thing he's done on time is walk at 8 months.

He still only says two words at 21 months.

What do your instincts say? Because I know damn sure I spent years saying “x is different to the others” (he is ds2 but dc3 if that makes sense). Even as a baby he was a whole different kettle of fish. Didn’t like people, was happy to lay for hours on his own, but if he was with a person it was me-no one else allowed near him. Late to crawl, walk and talk, didn’t use gestures.

He’s 9 now and my god he’s so funny, has the driest sense of humour ever and he will go far.

I’d go and have a word with your HV, however if they’re anything like mine I just got “he’s a lazy boy, he’s fine”. If that’s the response then just keep plodding, and maybe look up some techniques on dealing with autistic children-it won’t hurt if your child is not, and if they are it might help you all.

He sounds like my DS who’s non-verbal. He was diagnosed with autism aged 2.

DS is very attached to me and has always been stand-offish with DH. No matter how hard DH tried to bond with him, DS just wouldn’t be interested (although this has improved since DD was born)

He also doesn’t like other children and tends to get on better with teenagers and adults (he loves his older cousins but ignores the younger ones).

I don’t want to cause you any unnecessary concern but it might be worthwhile speaking to your health visitor

My middle one pretty much only said eh or uh and point until he was gone 2. He also didn't walk till 14 months and would squirm and fuss if Dh or pretty much anyone tried to pick him up or do anything.
I put it down to him being with me all day and not wanting others (although he loved Dh's best friend and would sit on his knee all the time) He finally started talking, walking and running to Daddy when he got home and started to ignore me if Dh was around wanting him to do everything for him. Its just what some babies do.

Aargh DS is like that too, if anyone can make him smile it's a mysterious strange man smiling at him or his 9 year old cousin

He has 0 time for the other cousins, all 5 and under. It's like he loathes them!

DS was also a very good baby, slept through from birth. Always breastfed like a dream. I always thought I was just very jammy and smug but it appears this can also be a sign of autism too (good babies).

The only thing unusual for autism is the early walking. I know all autistic children are different but so far I've not come across/seen anyone say their autistic child walked early. DS does however walk on his tippy toes an awful lot.

He doesn't point or gesture either. He's also extremely tiny for his age (size 6/9 or 9-12 month clothes) and 9-12 often swamps him

Have a look at the CHAT test for autism in toddlers. DS was not keen on anyone other than DH or me at the same age. Was diagnosed at 2 & a half (and it's not quick or easy to get a diagnosis) when we were told he might never live independently . About to start secondary school and very few would know. He comes across as a 'sensitive' boy but I know it's mild autism. Most of the behavioural stuff dropped away when his speech came in but that took 3 years of quite intense support.

PS DS had no delays in walking but was tippy toed

@ @rideordie DS walked at 15 months, sometimes tippytoed.

He was also a chilled out baby! He slept well, hardly cried and he never showed any attachment anxiety (he didn’t cry when I left him or if he was left on his own for that matter). DD on the other hand..