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Original poster

Husband messaging ex girlfriend

15 replies

Roryroo · 03/08/2019 13:57

Hey all, I have just found out that my husband has been messaging his ex girlfriend (who he dated about 3 year ago when we separated for about a year). I looked at his phone and some of the messages were quite deep about how he misses her and thinks about her still etc and how he really wants to see her and vice versa. I’m not sure the best way to handle this. We have children together and I thought he would have forgotten about her by now considering they haven’t seen each other physically for about 2 years? I’m pretty sure if I confront him he will just say the messages a meaningless but how can I know for sure that he definitely doesn’t have any feeling for her anymore?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2019 14:01

I looked at his phone and some of the messages were quite deep about how he misses her and thinks about her still etc and how he really wants to see her and vice versa.

I think it's blindingly clear he still has feeling for her. I find it odd you think he would have "forgotten" about someone he was with only 2 years ago.

You've got a problem on your hands, op.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/08/2019 14:03

Unless you have telepathy, you can't be sure.

Those are shitty texts to have sent to someone else when you are in a relationship. I think you'll have to talk to him about it.

Good luck.

Original poster

Roryroo · 03/08/2019 14:07

I’m just so confused as he posted a picture on social media the other day after we had spent the day with our children for one of their birthdays. I don’t know why he would displaying such a united front and ‘happy family’ and then be doing this?

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships Relationship problems

DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/08/2019 14:12

I don’t know why he would displaying such a united front and ‘happy family’ and then be doing this

I'm sure you know that it's common for people to post about how they want their life to be, rather than how it is.

And quite possibly he was projecting that 'happy family life' message back to himself - maybe if I say it, I'll feel it. Actually my life is pretty good.

And also quite possibly he genuinely did think and feel that, at the time.

Andallofasuddenitsover · 03/08/2019 14:17

Unfulfilled love will always be put on a pedestal, compared to the day-day fulfilled love of a marriage and family life. Sadly, when people are unhappy in their day-day life, the longing for the unfulfilled love will always rear its ugly head! You’re competing with a mirage OP. His view of her and what they had isn’t a real thing.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2019 14:18

How are those messages "meaningless"

Your husband is mooning over someone he had sex with, wishes he could see her again and you are "confused" about what to do ?

I just don't get these "I am confused" posts. I am coming more and more to the conclusion that they are windups. Either that, or there are a lot of women walking around who are unable to process what is cheating behaviour even when seeing it with their own eyes

Chocolatedaim · 03/08/2019 14:18

Social media posts mean nothing in reality. I wouldn’t use that as proof of love.

You need to speak to him properly. Good luck

OpenYourEyes · 03/08/2019 14:22

How old are your children if they only split up 2 years ago? Sounds like thinks moved very fast with you two, perhaps he is a bit overwhelmed.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2019 14:34

Op said he hooked up with this woman while they had time apart.

I wonder if he came back to op because Fancy Woman blew him out

Original poster

Roryroo · 03/08/2019 14:39

Our children are 4 and 7. We split up for a year and he dated this younger girl during this time. But we got back together after our son became unwell (he’s fine now) and we moved about two hours away to try and make a fresh start. x

OP posts:

OpenYourEyes · 03/08/2019 14:56

Sorry I missed that in the OP. It doesn't sound good OP. I would be gutted.

KUGA · 03/08/2019 15:07

Sounds like another shit head of a man.
Don't fall for his bull.
He obviously still has feelings for her.
And surely she knows about you,which makes her one of the many sluts out there who are happy to go with another womens man.
Good god this is rife.
Why cant men think,hang on a mo.if she will go with me how many others has been their

Sicario · 03/08/2019 16:00

What if you were to call her and tell her to stay away from your husband? It might be a wake up call for them both.

FWIW when this happened to a friend of mine she demanded that her husband of 30 years call the OW and tell her that he was never going to contact her again.

Original poster

Roryroo · 03/08/2019 16:17

Because I’m worried he’s still in love with her and it’s inevitable no matter how much I try to stop it.

OP posts:

Soola · 03/08/2019 16:35

I’m sorry but it really does sound like he is unhappy in his relationship with you and misses the girlfriend.

It could be that he wants to be with his children in the family home but have the ‘romance/sex’ outside of the family home.

What are your options?

Sit down and have a calm chat. Keep it up your sleeve that you know what he’s been texting and just say you feel his heart isn’t in the relationship and you need to know if he’s committed.

If he comes clean and says he wants to split then so be it or if he says everything is fine then you know what a snake he is and you can then surprise him by your dumping him.

It’s an awful thing to go through but it is something you go through and you will get through it.

My ex rekindled his affair with the same woman he had cheated on his first wife with and I spent time gathering the evidence. I had no idea he had cheated on his ex wife or I would never have got with him.

When I finally confronted him he denied it.

I had pages of printed off text messages, emails and Facebook messages and he still tried to twist it all the while declaring his love for me!

It was horrendous at the time but time does help you heal.

Hope you’re ok

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