How to Deal with someone who judges you?

[Wheninrome2019]

Away with the kids, DH, his friend and his wife and child and am reaching boiling point!

The wife is unhinged. She has one child (nearly 2) who is a bit of an ‘unruly’ child anyway but everything I do she is judging me!

Giving my 6 yo ice cream ‘oh why on earth would you feed your child that! My precious Bethany would never have ice cream! Do you not set boundaries??’

She works, I don’t and I’ve just listened to a 30 min rant at 7am from her about how I’m failing my youngest by not having her in full time nursery pretty much from the womb.

She treats her daughter like the sun shines out of her ass while she runs around breaking everything in the apartment and at the same time is critiquing everything we do for our children.

Luckily we’re only here for 4 nights but how on earth do I deal with her?

She works, I don’t and I’ve just listened to a 30 min rant at 7am from her about how I’m failing my youngest by not having her in full time nursery pretty much from the womb.

I wouldn't have sat there and taken that.

Otherwise, have you tried smiling indulgently and agreeing with everything she says?

She’s massively insecure about her own choices. This type always are. If you just own your parenting choices you genuinely couldn’t give a crap what someone else does.
MN tinkly laugh every time with an “isn’t it great we can all parent differently and the kids are all turning out great?”

Shut up.

That works foe me just fine.

Except don’t use great twice in one sentence, I need more coffee!

I don't.

My therapist taught me you don't have to be nice to anyone- and I was a real mug in the past. It may seem harsh, but I avoid and cut people out if I find they drain me rather then help build me up.

Try to limit the time you spend with her. Tell them you want time alone. It is your holiday too, but that doesn't mean you have to be joined together.

Oh gosh, tricky good luck with that.
First thing, remember you're a good mother. Second, try to shut her down next time by saying something like 'we all take the job on differently and no one is right or wrong, there's just very wrong and neither of us is doing that' hopefully she'll shush if you keep repeating a diplomatic answer. Then have a good rant at your partner when you're alone 😉

Oh I wish I knew!!!!

A friend of DH's is coming to stay next week. his wife is dire. Last time they stayed she looked me up and down (I have put on qweight) and trilled; 'Oh!! i can see I am going to have to teach you how to eat properly!!!'. (She is thin).

I am dreading their stay. I have decided to cope with it by being extra enthusiastic about her being here- sort of throw myself into being welcoming. It's counter intuitive! So- could you be extra friendly, extra responsive to her rather than resentful? And could you tell me how it goes so i can see if it works!!!!!!

(Otherwise, I'd threaten to barbecue her).

How about "if I wanted your opinion I'd ask for it, but I don't so shut the fuck up"

Or "oh god not this again"

Or every time she starts say "sorry hang in s minute" walk off do something boring come back again and say sorry what were you saying, if she starts again repeat until she shuts up 😁

Why are you having her in your home GirlFliesHome?! No one has the right to speak to you like that, least of all in your own home. Just say no!

The DH is MY DH's best friend. And they live in the US so we hardly ever see them. DH knew how upset I was (and agrees she is awful) so he was all ready to say 'no'. But I wanted him to be able to spend time with his friend and host them. So i am sucking it up for him. :) I am okay with that. I had the option to say no. i chose to say yes. So I will make the best of it and be super hospitable. It will be fine.

I would give her a big smile and say 'oh I totally agree!' to everything she says. And then the next day I would still give DD an ice-cream. Just keep agreeing with her brightly whilst clearly ignoring it in practice. She won't know what to do with it

I would say

"Now you have finished judging my parenting, would you like me to tell you how I feel about your parenting."

"No I didn't think you would, how about we ignore the parenting we don't agree with and enjoy the rest of our holiday."

Then when you get home tell DH that there is no way on earth will you and your Dc be subjected to another holiday with them, and he can explain to his friend why you will not be holidaying with them again.

Just say "I have to stop you there." When she waits for you to continue (i.e. explain why you stopped her in her tracks) just smile vaguely and walk away. I can never understand why people benignly allow themselves to be blatantly insulted, judged or whatever without standing up for themselves - you're not being the bigger person, you're just being a bit wet tbh. No need for confrontation or arguments, just let people know you have boundaries.

Last time they stayed she looked me up and down (I have put on qweight) and trilled; 'Oh!! i can see I am going to have to teach you how to eat properly!!!'. (She is thin).

Oh my God!! I've been around some fitness freaks in my time and none of them have been that rude

Op I WISH I was brave enough to tell people like that to shut up, in reality I'd probably smile politely and kick the wardrobes when I went to my room..... ugh you have my sympathy!!