Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Feeling really shit about a work situation

16 replies

Wlking · 02/08/2019 21:08

I was approached this week about a promotion at work, I haven’t been there long but if I’m honest (and I know this sounds boastful) I feel I have demonstrated the ability to do the new job.

I work in an office with 5 other colleagues. Unfortunately I was approached my a senior member of staff in front of them for a meeting and when I came back they were all asking what had happened.

Subsequently a colleague who has been there for a lot longer than me got very upset at being passed over. She openly said she felt it was very unfair she hadn’t been considered. I sat and talking to her one on one and said I understood how she felt and sympathised with her. She seemed fine afterwards.

Today however she’s been awful. Really snide comments and was openly looking at job vacancies this afternoon. The atmosphere in the office was horrible. She refused any tea/coffee offers (sounds silly but we have a whole tea routine).

I’m dreading going to work on Monday now. I have only been there a few months and was as surprised as they were. Also it’s completely taken the shine off the offer! I haven’t been given the job but I’ve been invited to interview for the position. I can’t help feeling if I get it she’ll hate me and if I don’t she will be unbearable.

Any advice?

OP posts:

Original poster

Wlking · 02/08/2019 21:08

Please ignore typos, I’m in bed with the lights off trying to get DS asleep!

OP posts:

Dafspunk · 02/08/2019 21:10

Were you supposed to tell your colleagues? I’m surprised you weren’t asked to wait until it could be communicated formally (and any sensitive situations could be handled by your manager).

Original poster

Wlking · 02/08/2019 21:19

There wasn’t really any way around it. I was asked by a member of senior management to come to their office. That doesn’t happen.

Aside from lying what else could I say when I came back? If I’d lied and then they found out it would be even worse. I just feel shit about the whole thing now. I’d built up some good relationships with colleagues and it feels like it’s been ruined. Tbf it was only this one colleague. The others were happy for me.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs

PicsInRed · 02/08/2019 21:20

The way the offer was handled and the reaction by passed-over-lady I can see why they passed her over ...and presumably the colleagues didn't consider any of this unsual?... suggests a toxic workplace.

Is it?

HollowTalk · 02/08/2019 21:22

That manager dealt with it so badly. She should have called you or emailed to ask you to come along, and then she should have told the staff you were promoted and why.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/08/2019 21:23

I've been in this position. To be honest, I think you need to hold your head up & focus on your interview. Don't engage with drama llama & leave her at it, looking at job vacancies & being snide.

If you can, distance yourself so you don't have to hear her / interact.

It's not easy. It feels really crap & I've been there. But it's a great opportunity to be asked to apply, you don't know for certain that you will get it yet, so put your energies into that.

Your comment that Tbf it was only this one colleague. The others were happy for me sums it up. It's only 1 jealous person. Everyone else is reasonable so don't focus on her, hard as that is.

Good luck!

EarringsandLipstick · 02/08/2019 21:24

@HollowTalk

I don't think OP has been promoted yet? She's been asked to apply for a role.

The manager doesn't need to say anything to the team.

PegasusReturns · 02/08/2019 21:26

Yup one jealous person.

Keep being friendly and professional and it will almost certainly blow over

mysteryfairy · 02/08/2019 21:37

I can’t believe you told your colleagues OP! It could be the role had your name on it, it could be that several candidates are invited to apply and you don’t end up being the successful one. If I suggested to a junior staff member that they apply for a role and then found they’d immediately gone and shared that conversation in an open office I would question their astuteness and suitability for promotion.

BlackCatSleeping · 02/08/2019 21:37

I agree. This is nothing to do with you.

Just be professional as usual and ignore her drama.

She’s obviously shown why she’s been looked over for promotion.

rainbowheart · 02/08/2019 21:39

I've recently had a promotion within weeks of coming back from Mat leave.. I am not popular with my colleagues, particularly one who will now have to work directly under me and be managed by me who feels had the job in the bag until I returned.. but I honestly don't care! I don't go to work to have friends.. I go to work to provide nice things for my kids.. and the extra money will buy lots of extra nice things.. hold your head high and do your job well.. they clearly see something in you.. if you want to work up in your career you will always upset people on the way up.. it's inevitable.. there will be another office scandal soon enough and this will be forgotten.. or the people who can't handle it will go elsewhere' don't let anyone hold you back or ruin your happiness!

gregoire · 02/08/2019 21:41

To be honest, her reaction shows why she hasn't been considered for the promotion.

Ignore the drama and just behave as you normally would. She will either get over it and move on, or she will leave her job. Either way, her feelings aren't your responsibility.

BumbleBeee69 · 02/08/2019 21:42

go for the Interview and good luck OP, she wouldn't turn the opportunity down so why should you. I agree with the previous comments which suggest her response, to this situ, is quite possibly, why she has been passed over for this opportunity.

Good luck lady

newmomof1 · 02/08/2019 21:46

You should have told them the manager 'just wanted a catch up on how I was getting on'.

If she's that bothered, tell her to apply for the position when it's advertised.

WitchesGlove · 02/08/2019 23:54

Shouldn’t they have advertised the job??

I can completely understand why your colleague is upset- though I wouldn’t behave like that

Are you friends with the boss by any chance?

blueshoes · 03/08/2019 00:18

Your colleague is not behaving in a mature fashion but if you were in her position, you can probably understand why she is upset.

I would agree with mysteryfairy that you should have fudged the reason. You don't know who was spoken to about the promotion but it could not have been everybody and being the new person, you could surely see the effect of your leapfrogging over the incumbents. Why do you think it would be worse if you lied were vague about the reason. There is no guarantee you would get the promotion and that in itself should make you cagey about it.

I think you are a little disingenuous and naive to not anticipate a reaction like this.

Anyway, what's done is done. You have done nothing wrong. Just hold your nerve and if you get the promotion, well done. She may very well leave and that may be something that senior management have anticipated and are not unhappy about.

Flip