Why does no one invite me?

[Masketti]

I'm pretty friendly with lots of people. I'm sociable, empathetic and apparently quite funny. So why do I see lots of my friends going on days out or holidays with other people and no one ever invites me?

My DD6's best friend's mum is a good friend of mine. Playdates at least once a month and a weekly shared activity. They're off on holiday with another family from the school.

Other friends who I see socially for playdates never seen to invite me for days out or joint family things at weekends. DH is a sociable person who's friends with the other halves. I organise stuff and people say yes and come along but no one invites me.

Why might this be? I'm happy to hear honest truths, although please remember there's a real life person whose life this is.

Have you tried inviting them?

I get this and it’s hard to not feel miffed. I’ve started to realise that some people are the ‘inviters’ (me) and other people are the ‘invitees’. Maybe once you fall into your category that’s where you end up stuck. That’s what seems to have happened to me as I know I rarely get an invitation.

I rarely get invited. I’m single (widow). I have several friends but I’m generally that organised stuff - be it lunch, coffee or a dinner party (I do two big ones a year). I haven’t been to a dinner party in another house in years. I haven’t been inside some friends’ houses! If I don’t organise anything we don’t do anything.
I don’t take this as ‘they don’t like me’, more that they don’t entertain; are used to me setting things up; being single I don’t fit in with ‘couples’ dinners.
Keep inviting people and organising things. Maybe a group picnic? Bbq at yours for a few families?

I think sometimes you have to accept that people don't consider you as close friends as you consider them. I made a group of friends when I had DS only for them all to drift away once they went back to work after mat leave whilst I'm a SAHM. I find that I'm the one who always pushes to arrange play dates or nights out and though people come, they never put themselves out to organise anything. I've concluded that they don't really want to be my friends and I've pulled back.

By contrast, I've made a group of other friends since moving to a new area and we do things together but I'm secure enough in these friendships to not mind if one or two of them do things without the rest of us.

I would keep casting your net wide for new friends and don't keep making all the effort with the old ones. It just gets exhausting.

@IHaveBrilloHair - yes I do
I organise stuff and people say yes and come along but no one invites me.

I could've written this, op!

I've come to the conclusion that I'm the inviter/arranger! Annoying when you feel like you'd literally not see anyone/do anything unless you arrange it yourself!!

All helpful thoughts thank you.

Sorry, that came out quite abruptly, I didn't mean it to.

I am the same. Always the organiser. People come along and even tell me they are looking forward to whatever i next organise🙄
I have realised that some people just aren’t organisers and if I want to do something I will have to come up with ideas myself.

I have some friends who are also organisers and focus my energy on them and I have joined the meet up app and met more like minded people there. Have you tried meet up? I think it’s something for everyone there. Good luck.

Since my children started primary school we've lived in lots of different places. We haven't always rent/bought properties or cars that are within one particular band of lifestyle as it often depends on the city/country or priorities we have at the time. When we lived in a small ex-council flat and had no car I rarely got invited anywhere. When I lived in a large house with a three year old car, I was welcomed into the circle more. I've always been the same me and ironically always had the same income. People make judgements about others, it may not mean that people are snobs but sometimes when it comes to locking others into spending money, they are less likely to do it if they are unsure about the other person's financial situation. This may or not apply to you, but it's certainly something that I've observed.

Snap!!! It is hurtful, and I won't lie, I sometimes end up in tears when I see the Instagram pics of days out I wasn't even invited on. It sucks, but you're right. I organise things, and I sort everyone's problems out, but I in turn get left out too. I agree @HotChocolateLover some people are the invitees, some are the invitees.

Could you be seen as too pretty, perfect house, marriage etc? Sometimes those things make you less likeable, real to some.

Me too. Always the. Inviter never the invitee

Happens to me too. I have social anxiety so don't go out much so people assume I don't like going out so they don't invite me...and it turns into a vicious circle.

Could something like that be at play with you?

I used to have occasional get-togethers at my house (partly as a way to show that hey, actually, I do like being around people) and everyone came and had a wonderful time but no one ever invited out me for so much as a cup of coffee in return.

No one can really say. I would avoid longer days out or holidays with people if
A) their child is difficult
B) they aren't easy to talk to
C) the family dynamics don't work.
D) You don't share the same values eg parenting/discipline/eating habits/interests
Think about what would put you off inviting.
Equally, this could be about you not putting yourself forward to be invited. If it looks like you are very busy with family life and activities then maybe people see you as self sufficient. Next time you have a playdate and you both talk about an event or place you'd like to go, suggest you both go and see what the response is.

I am feeling the same. We had a party in mid May, all our friends came, had a lovely time. We haven't seen any of them since. Unless I organise it, it won't happen. Feels a bit rubbish as I know they are all sociable people, just not with us. I even ran in to one at the supermarket who said they had had a party the night before so were tired. I try not to let it upset me and just accept they have lots of friends

I'm also the inviter, except for family stuff.

Same here. It's shit and my dd doesn't get invited now either. I'm a single mum and don't drive and I think that's part of the reason. People are very disappointing. I've given up on them.

I'm the same but h is an anti social person who I should have left years ago.. (he now wants to live alone)

Sometimes these joint holidays come about by chance rather than one inviting the other - you know chatting they decide to do something sort of thing

I ask.
If I'm chatting to someone who has just come back from a group day out, I'll say, that looked/sounded fun, if you organise another one, can you let me know. (I don't for holidays, as a) that might seem pushy and b) I don't want to go on holiday with other families).
I don't think (most) people are horrid, i just think they get into a habit of inviting the same people and it doesn't occur to them to include you, not through nastiness, just habit.

You've all been very kind and yes there's quite a lot of truth in a lot of the comments. Interesting points about inviter vs invitee. There's also the possibility that elements of each of our personalities might put different people off spending time with all of us as a whole. And maybe it would be not as fun as I imagine because of course people only put the fun pictures on social media.

I think there's a lot of truth in people are often the invitees or the inviters.

However I also think that the inviters often look like they've got loads going on, so people don't think to invite them.

I found being pleasant but pushy works 😁 when you know people have met up to go out, ask them how it went and did they have a great time etc etc and then drop in, oh please let me know if you're ever going again as me and the kids would love to come.

Also if you do get invited make sure you go, I think quite often if you turn someone down twice they don't ask again.

But also, if people are accepting your invites then the lack of invitations is definitely not due to your personalities.