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Original poster

Boring and stingy fiancé

23 replies

Happih18 · 02/08/2019 15:16

Hi guys! Hope you can help me.

My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years and have 3 kids together. I have always been independent and took care of myself because I worked. He never took care of me, always spliting bills 50/50, but I end of spending more because he does not buy me and the kids anything. He does not take us out, even to the zoo or restaurants as it's too expensive. Why should we waste money just gor one day.
Even simple McDonald's he won't buy for the kids. He would rather go to the shop and buy cheapest fries ever and shop brand nuggets to come and cook. I always buy the kids clothes, take the kids out and spend on myself. If I buy him birthday gift, he will return it and get refund and put money in his account. we never go ANYWHERE as he does not want to spend money.

Now that I lost my job, he pays the rent and bills , but nothing else. If I ask him for money, he will ask me what I need it for. If I tell him that I want to buy clothes for the kids or take them out, he will say it's a waste of money. I don't find him handsome anymore. He is not romantic and our sex life is SO Boring. I never orgasm when we have sex. I have to fake it. After sex, I usually get my vibrator and use it alone.
I don't know if I can continue this relationship, but I don't want broken home for the kids. I recently started fantasizing about life without him and what it would be if I have a man that took care of me and made me happy sexually. I want spark from my partner.

Advice please!

OP posts:

Mummacake · 02/08/2019 15:19

Why are you still in this relationship? What do you and your kids get from it? I'd be asking him to leave and take his stinginess with him. Child maintenance will soon give him something to complain about. He sounds awful.

Soola · 02/08/2019 15:21

Crikey I have previously put up with some shit but I could never ever put up with someone who is stingy!

Dump that tight fucker ASAP.

itbemay · 02/08/2019 15:23

I would not be staying with this man for any reason, sorry OP but you deserve better

AfterSchoolWorry · 02/08/2019 15:29

Fucking hell. What a miserable twat.

Batshittery · 02/08/2019 15:32

Meanness is very unattractive. Move on and find someone who can give you what you need/want.

MulticolourMophead · 02/08/2019 15:34

I should have seen the warnings before I had the DCs. My ex is also stingy. Get rid, it won't get better, and he should most definitely be paying equally for the DCs stuff. So make sure you get a maintenance claim in.

And remember, when you get the maintenance you don't owe him any justification on what the money is spent on, he has no say.

areyoubeingserviced · 02/08/2019 15:35

Op, my mother always said that dating or marrying a stingy man would suck the joy out of a relationship, which is one of the reasons she divorced my father
I know it’s not easy, but I would look for another job and then gradually make plans to leave this man

IamWaggingBrenda · 02/08/2019 15:41

You will be providing your children with a fixed home, not a broken home. Their lives must be a misery too. He sounds awful. You and your children deserve better.

fedup21 · 02/08/2019 15:44

Meanest is unpleasant but is this

He never took care of me, always spliting bills 50/50

that weird?

DH and I split everything 50/50.

blackcat86 · 02/08/2019 15:49

Find another job and then agree a household budget with your partner. That way you both input in to and agree on how much fun money, clothing budget etc is affordable. Most people dont have the money for losts of days out, new kids clothes every month, eating out etc.

noideasforaname · 02/08/2019 15:52

You get nothing out of this relationship.

Parents splitting up is normal now a days.

Your deserve so much better than this and your kids deserve a better male role model.

xsamix86 · 02/08/2019 15:56

My OH and I split the bills 50/50, then additional things like my car insurance/finance/phone bills/credit cards I pay myself. They are mine and therefore my responsibility. My OH pays his maintenance for his son, his phone bill, travel to work etc as they are his responsibility. We take turns with the shopping. Anything else we don't monitor really but if I want a takeout/meal out I will pay, or he will pay if it's his idea. We treat each other so it's kind of our money but not IYKWIM. We look after each other, and I know he would support me if I lost my job, as would I with him. I couldn't be with a man who is so stingy. This alone would turn me off him both physically and emotionally. Yes, a broken home isn't ideal, but it is much less damaging for the kids than a thoroughly unhappy home. Get yourself out of there and enjoy the freedom.

MulticolourMophead · 02/08/2019 18:07

blackcat86 a budget is fine most of the time, but in this case, the fiancé doesn't agree to any fun or treat money, and OP is even having to justify any spending.

And given the bedroom issues this bloke is proving stingy in everything.

OP, seriously, work on a plan to leave, he'll always be stingy. If you ever got married, I'd bet he'd go for super cheap on that as well.

Cosentyx · 02/08/2019 18:11

Get rid of him! This is no way to live and no example to show your kids.

Beautiful3 · 02/08/2019 18:35

Maybe try to get another job. Save up and leave him.

Nosavingshere · 02/08/2019 18:39

Surely it’s better to come from a broken home than to continue living with ebenezer Scrooge an a miserable existence

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 02/08/2019 18:49

Leave him, claim maintenance for the children and put some joy back into your lives. Be prepared to fight for whatever is yours, and for him to get nasty over everything he can. But it's either that or you spend the rest of your life having to justify everything you do and praying that the batteries on your vibrator don't run out.
Hopefully you will be able to get another job soon, but I really think that he is already controlling and abusing you and you need to be planning to leave him regardless. Is your home in joint names?

EffYouSeeKaye · 02/08/2019 18:53

I don’t think you need advice. You just need to build up the nerve to do what you have already decided.

Tobebythesea · 02/08/2019 19:31

You know the answer already, deep down or not so deep down. This is not a happy life for you or your children.

Get another job, save, make plans and leave. YOU deserve better and so do your children. Life is so short. Please live it, not with him.

Soola · 02/08/2019 19:35

I understand if money is tight not to be wasteful on gifts for each other but to deny his children is just awful.

Most parents feel joy if they’ve bought a treat for their children don’t they?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 02/08/2019 19:39

It's totally possible to come from a broken home where the parents stayed together - deeply unhappily - for the sake of their DC. In fact I'd hazard that it's more awful for DC to live in a situation with parents who resent and dislike one another because you're essentially modelling what 'normal' looks like to them and making it more likely they'll repeat your relationship as adults, believing that unhappiness is to be expected.

DonnaDarko · 02/08/2019 19:47

Why the fuck are you with him , even before you lost your job, I don't see the appeal of being with him.

I don't really have any advice aside from dump him and he happy. If you're not happy now, I'm sure your kids can tell. Kids are very perceptive

MulticolourMophead · 03/08/2019 00:32

The only thing you need, OP, is a new job. Then you can kick him out of your home.

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