Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

WWYD - friend might back out of holiday, money issue

16 replies

Enb76 · 02/08/2019 10:01

Three of us (all single parents with one child each), for the last two years have gone camping together with a particular camping company which cost us around £300 for a full week. We met through this and we all come from very different backgrounds and do not live anywhere near each other.

This year, because we all get on so well, it was decided that we would do an AirBnB cabin which would cost each of us a similar amount. I paid the deposit on behalf of the group and have now fully paid for the holiday. One of my friends has only paid 10% of her share and has now gone silent on me with two weeks to go.

I don't really know what to do - I've sent her a message saying that I really don't care about the money, that it's her presence that's important and she can pay me what she can when she can but although I know she's active on social media she hasn't been brave enough to open my message.

I know what it's like to be short on money, I know what it's like to bury your head in the sand but this holiday will be ruined really if she doesn't come. I don't even really mind if she does a CF and never pays me. What can I do if she won't even look at my messages? And how can I reassure her that I'd rather she be there and have a holiday than not be there and effectively destroy the friendship.

OP posts:
Enko · 02/08/2019 10:03

Call her and talk on the phone

Loopytiles · 02/08/2019 10:05

Phone her?

Her behaviour is not OK. She probably doesn’t have the front to attend without having paid and may also not want or be able to afford the costs during the trip.

Unfortunately it’s your financial liability - I don’t take on financial liabilities like this for friends. Presumably she made no written commitment to pay you her share.

anothernotherone · 02/08/2019 10:06

Yes, actually speak to her... She's probably the type who doesn't answer actual "live" phone calls though isn't she?

Enb76 · 02/08/2019 10:19

I don't have her number - I will see if my daughter has. Everything has been through Messenger.

I know it's my financial liability, I don't really care about that. I don't mind her having a free holiday on me if it comes to that.

Presumably she made no written commitment to pay you her share.

I do have written evidence but frankly, it's £300 and I'm not going to make someone's life a bit more shit for that amount of money.

OP posts:
Enko · 02/08/2019 10:21

Could you try calling via messenger if she has it set up to accept calls

LIZS · 02/08/2019 10:24

I think you can voice call via messenger.

bernietaupinspen · 02/08/2019 10:25

I would leave her to it tbh. You have told her how you feel, don't chase it. She may have decided to back out for lots of reasons and she clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

katewhinesalot · 02/08/2019 10:35

Can your other friend call her?

Enb76 · 02/08/2019 10:55

I know I should call - it's just that if I do that and she doesn't answer then that's her bridges burnt and I can't really justify even wanting her to come when she's behaved so badly - at this point if she can't pay I'd forgive it but as soon as I start proper chasing then that's it.

I guess I just want her to woman up without me having to force the issue.

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 02/08/2019 11:02

Could you send one more message. Eg. "Please can you call me so I know what's going on?"

MrMeSeeks · 02/08/2019 11:03

Why do you not have her number?

Loopytiles · 02/08/2019 12:52

Get her number and call her.

Your thinking that phoning or chasing her to confirm whether or not she’s attending the holiday would mean the friendship being over seems illogical.

If you wish to pay for her £300 contribution for the accommodation, that would be very generous of you. But if money is her problem it wouldn’t solve things as it’d likely cost at least that much again to subsidise her and her DC for the holiday. Ever if you were happy to do that, and most people except the wealthy wouldn’t be! she probably wouldn’t want to accept.

ElizaPancakes · 02/08/2019 12:58

Can you drop round to hers?

I agree with you she’s cowardly not opened the message because she doesn’t want to deal with it, but you sound like you really value her friendship. You can’t on the one hand be willing to pay for her if she can’t but also be willing to drop the friendship if she doesn’t answer!

Loopytiles · 02/08/2019 13:01

OP has said she lives in another area of the country.

She probably won’t pick up the phone, you could leave her a kind message and ask her to call you. Or explain to her in the message that you would really like her to come with her family, but that if she can’t please let you know so you can plan.

ElizaPancakes · 02/08/2019 18:46

Oh yes Blush I missed that!

MyOtherProfile · 02/08/2019 18:48

Has your other friend has any contact with her?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page