To feel like the only person with issues in toddlers

[Notthenicewhine2]

Feeling really down about this and need somewhere to moan I guess. I have three absolutely awesome dcs.
However two out of three have been awful, awful sleepers. My 4 year old woke regularly and we are talking every one to two hours until 3. We tried everything, looked into diet, food intolerances, changed things in the bedroom , sleep training, health checks, cranial o etc. All tried consistently etc. Absolutely nothing worked at all.nothing.. Magically around 3 1/2 it just stopped and he started sleeping great.
My first was a “good sleeper” (well it took a year and a half) in comparison but by most people’s standards probably wasn’t great really but for us way better than our second dc sleep. My third dc looked good initially on the sleep front but now at two is waking frequently which is teeth related. I have taken him to dr and had a full check as he wakes so frequently and she confirmed his teeth are very big and gums are completely swollen etc, he’s getting 4 all at once.
I know it’s just life and I should just stfu about it, I’m extremely lucky in other ways but the lack of sleep has almost killed me. My dh is a very equal parent and we swap over as much as possible but I breastfed all my dcs for 18 months each so naturally they wanted me mainly. We did however swap over and try shifts but I have developed insomnia over the constant sleep interruption. I’m obsessed with sleep and I just feel alone about it all. People ALWAYS seem to associate the sleepless nights with newborns and it just isn’t the case. In fact all the newborns slept better than my toddlers... I overheard a mother reassuring an expectant friend the last day “it’s hard at first with sleep deprivation bu 6months that’ll all be over “ , emmmmm no, not necessarily.
I would never want to freak out pregnant people or those in the thick of it at all so I keep v quiet but wish someone had said that it doesn’t always get better and I wouldn’t have felt like such a failure about it. I am not having anymore dcs. I also wonder if there is a sex thing also, all of my friends with girls and anyone I have met with a girl have described them as “chilled” and great sleepers. I do not conform to stereotypes usually and I am very encouraging of my boys in any interest they have. I love art and reading etc yet the fact is in addition to being awful sleepers my dcs have enormous amounts of energy. My 4 year old cycled 7 miles the last day and then was bouncing around on the trampoline for 2 hours in the evening and played football for a while to. They are all like this , almost crazy amounts of energy. They are able to focus in school etc so I’m not worried about hyperactivity. I do try quiet activities, yoga but it’s like they can’t physically stop moving. Despite all this they have all been and my 2 year old still is awful sleepers.
I adore my children and would literally do anything for them but I’m so Fckn exhausted. There is absolutely no downtime. Everything will be easier from September as they will all be in playschool and school but that definitely doesn’t tire them out whatsoever.
I just seem to be surrounded by those who have leisurely mornings with their dcs after a full nights sleep and can spend loads of time at home. I’m a real homebody and love cooking and creativity and pottering around (when not at work), this is impossible with my dcs. I have tried. I’m constantly out with them during the holidays and weekends as it just doesn’t work being at home at all. My dh and I are the ones bleary eyed on the playground at 8am. I don’t know why I wrote this. Maybe a vent, I’ve heard the word “chilled” so much over this summer holiday and I just don’t relate at all. I’m literally a size 6 because I’m constantly moving...
I guess I wonder is this a boy thing ?(I’m sure that’ll be slapped down), I’m defo not setting them up to be like this, is it genetic? I absolutely loved sleeping and regularly slept 9 hours ore kids, I could spend days reading and painting etc.
I know it’s not a huge problem but I’m so wreaked

Meant the title to say “sleep issues”

I've got both sexes and the boys are waaay more exhausting. They simply can't still and or listen, become violent when bored, and seem to have very little desire to be "good". I've heard it switches over in adolescence though.

I hope you get some sleep soon. If it's teething it should be temporary at least.

Definitely not just a 'boy thing'. My two DDs were awful sleepers, but my DS was fine. My DD now has has a boy and a girl and both were terrible sleepers - the girl finally started sleeping through around the age of 3 and the boy, who is 18 months, still wakes multiple times a night. My DS, on the other hand, has two boys who are great sleepers. Not much consolation, I'm afraid, but I think it's just the luck of the draw.

Yeah actually I feel bad about complaining about the boys now. They're actually lovely. I'm just having a bad day today.

I hear you.

DS was 4 before he really slept properly - now at 6 is pretty good.
DD (2) not brilliant - won't settle, wakes frequently, have to co-sleep etc. Will only nap if lying on me :-(

Also bf so took the brunt of night wakes.

I've had over 6 years of sleeplessness and I am wrecked.

I have friends who look at me in amazement at this and don't understand compared to their 'wonderful sleepers' GRRRRRRRRRRR

Hope it changes for you soon

Not a boy thing OP. My friend and I have awful sleepers. We have one of each.
It sucks. It sucks so badly.
My DC never slept. Ever. Baby stage until 2 yo was torture. I ended up with mental health issues and DH very ill.
I look back thinking how a different experience it would have been had he slept.
I am expecting again.
I have hopes but remain realistic.

I gave my DC dummies right from the start. They sucked themselves back to sleep if they woke up, and slept right through from 8 weeks.
I kept them each in a cot next to my bed for the first 15 months, so they felt secure and could see me. They were excited to each get their own “big girl’s bed” and own room, and settled in there happily after that.
I think, because they were used to having the dummy to settle if they woke, they didn’t need to shout for me instead.

Thanks for the replies. Think I’m just surrounded by people who have chilled , sleepy girl children but it’s obviously a coincidence. I know I’m very lucky as my dcs are healthy and that is the main thing.
Actually a doctor told me before to be very reassured when one of my kids was ill as he said the amount off energy he has proves he’s not that ill and lack of energy is much more worrying.
Maybe it’s just I constantly hear the words “chilled kids”, “so placid “ and always used in a very positive way whereas mine are literally climbing the walls if we aren’t out of the house by 9.30. My neighbor used to babysit a little for me in the afternoons when I had some extra work on and now doesn’t but babysits my other neighbors girls and tells me how “lovely and quiet they are, can sit for hours”
And I do set up quiet activities, painting, board games, built up a massive library of books, I’m extremely careful about sugar intake etc. I know I can’t go against their natural way. They are never rough or violent and are actually very well behaved as regards manners and other kids just very high energy. I guess our levels don’t match. I’m also quite introverted so think it’s a bit of a clash.
I think it’s just a bit weird that I have had the combination of really bad sleep and huge amounts of energy. I have considered if they are overtired but we have tried everything again to adjust sleep times, increase/decrease naps etc and again there was absolutely no impact whatsoever....
my sister has just texted me to say they are having a pj day. My dh has already packed our car with wetsuits and bodyboards and is leaving in 5 mins and my 2 year old was up 4 times last night....

I breastfed all of mine. The best advice anyone gave me was not to breastfeed to sleep but to put them in their cot awake. I used to change their nappy at the end of a feed which woke them up a bit.

I hear you. Have you had your iron and b12 checked?

People who say they used dummies, or never fed their DC to sleep, are the lucky ones - parents of non sleepers try all these strategies and more, but for some children they simply don't work. My DGD would never take a dummy and would simply scream if put down awake!

Girl 20m here and is a terrible sleeper. Things got better 6 weeks ago to only being up once a night but now I'm back to around 8 times a night! Due in December and dreading how I will cope with 2 during the night if she is still like this!!!!

OP I often say to my DH that despite how utterly wrecked we are, I'm so lucky to have such lively, energetic kids - they have inner sparks - wouldn't change them for all the world.

Hi Babdoc, tbh I’m glad it worked for you truly. None of mine had dummies as they weren’t interested and we aren’t really keen on them tbh.
We really did try everything; beside us, in their own rooms, rocking , weaning off breastfeeding, singing , silence , sleep training, eliminating dairy, wheat, more exercise, less exercise, early nights, late nights, offerings to the Gods... all tried consistently and it made jack shit of a difference. Absolutely none, they still woke loads.
I had no idea pre kids that children could sleep this little for such an extended amount of time. It’s like sleep deprivation is attributed just to new mothers and fathers and it’s all sorted by 6 months. Really think without scaring people that it would be good to have a heads up on the fact that actually it doesn’t always get better until they are a lot older and it’s not just new mums that are exhausted.

So not a boy thing. My DD is 4.5 and still doesn’t sleep through the night. Have tried everything. Also cannot sit still. All her nursery reports comment on how active she is. She also still has enormous tantrums. We do feel quite hard done by when I see others very laid back easy going children (both boys and girls).

I have a friend with one of each and they are both asleep by 6 pm and sleep until 6/ 7 am. Mine is rarely asleep before 8.30pm before we even take into account the waking up in the middle of the night. She just doesn’t seem to need much sleep.

Two children of the same sex. Two parents with the same skills. One slept five hours straight by 3 months then seven hours by 6 months, and was only waking once a night on average by 1 year. The other - wouldn’t sleep without someone rocking them for the first 3-4 months then changed to wouldn’t sleep without a nipple in their mouth (not a dummy, they had one of those too). Stopped BF at 10-11 months so child then became a startle awake every hour and unleash fury type. Would scream and shout at us angrily all night and as toddler years fully set in, wouldn’t be contained in anything. Didn’t sleep five hours until 2 and a half years and even then it was a fluke. Seven hours took until 5 years, and we are still at the once a night stage at age 7.You have my sympathy

DD2 will be 5 in the autumn, and has only regularly slept through the night since turning 4. Now she wakes in the middle of the night maybe once a week or so. She hardly ever slept as a baby. I went back to work doing 13hr shifts when she was nearly 1, she would sleep for about 2hrs at a time but only if I sat up and held her. I basically only slept sitting up holding her for about a year. She was breastfed to sleep until the week she turned 3 when she stopped by herself, obviously she could sleep without it because I was at work at bedtime 2 or 3 times a week, but, if I was there, she wouldn't. She still often doesn't fall asleep until after 9pm, and will only go to sleep if someone sits next to the bed holding her hand. I am wrecked by it. I can't now remember how well DD1 slept, not brilliantly but so much better than DD2 or we wouldn't have had a DC2!

Sorry to hear about others going through the same thing. I honestly know nobody in RL who deals with this, it’s all just the newborn sleep issues and then post 6 months they are fine..
I had absolutely no clue pre kids just how hard sleep deprivation is and the affect on every aspect of ours lives. I will get a check up with gp but honestly believe it’s normal to feel like this on regular broken sleep and long active days.

Deffo not a boy thing , my middle child DS1 slept through from 7 months but his brother and sister never did. It was nothing to do with temperament either as he is by far the most highly strung and indeed DD was very chilled frombirth. I totally agree that it is often a bit of a secret that parents are ashamed to share for fear of opprobrium as if it is a sign of incompetent parenting.I remember having a bit of a moan about DD not sleeping and my mother gave me the bad news that I hadn't slept through until I was at school and sadly mil had the same to say about DH. It's really common OP ... manage as best you can and try not to resent it.

My son was good my daughter awful....At 9 she was again in my bed (although at least only to start with). She takes a while to get to sleep and is a light sleeper....
And i so so feel your pain re the energy. Both of the are like machines (my friend used to call ds running boy). We had to be out the house by 9.00 am our they'd be be crawling up the wall. We'd go for days out with friends, long walk, hours on a trampoline/climbing and the friends would say "ohh they'll all sleep well tonight"...Ha ha if only ... Most people's most active days were bare minimum in our house. At 9 and 12 they are still high energy, loads of words, discussion activity, need lots of physical stuff. I am now resigned. Dh and I support each other, time off, weekends away etc. We prioritize activity...

My DS has just recently stopped waking hourly at almost 2. I did nothing different with him than with DD who slept through from 10 months.

@Babdoc neither of mine would take a dummy. DS wouldn't take a dummy or a bottle and would only settle with a boob until he was around a year so I had to do every single wake up, hourly, for a year.

Some kids are just like this and nothing you do can make a difference. It's crap isn't it OP. DS now does one wake up a night. I'm hoping he drops that wake up soon but honestly compared to where we've come from with him one wake up is a breeze!

I hear you. DD 1 was an 'awful' sleeper and woke frequently until 2. When she magically started sleeping. DD has been even worse-- almost 3 and does sleep through some nights but now will not go to sleep. She makes DD1 look brilliant.

So definitely not a sex thing. Neither would take a dummy. Some are just like that. I also feel like you don't get any sympathy with sleep issues with toddlers when you're back at work and trying to function properly. I got more sleep with newborns.

Incidentally I did also have bloods taken recently for being so shattered and I was vit D and ferritin deficient as well which hasn't helped. We also have to go out all the time or they fight constantly. It's very wearing.

Last year my DH insisted I should go to the dr to get some blood tests because I was so tired all the time and he thought maybe I was anaemic or something. I argued that I was tired all the time, because I had barely slept in 4 years, could probably count on my fingers the number of unbroken nights' sleep I had had since DD2 was born, and work a mixture of 13hr days and 12hr nights in a physically and emotionally demanding job (do at least one night shift most weeks so miss a night's sleep most weeks anyway). I ignored DH, but when I went to the GP about something else I mentioned it, and it turned out that I was, like Zone4 very deficient in vitamin D. However, I have now had treatment for that and am taking some vitamin D each day, get sleep more nights than I don't and am still tired. I think i am just broken!