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Original poster

Husband infidelities

22 replies

Bubbalols2019 · 02/08/2019 06:13

My husband was sexting a girl when only drinking and always deleted the evidence until I caught him red handed. That was 2 years ago and although I’m not over it I was making way with identifying how I was the problem and he changed. We stayed together (kids) and Iv found he know has a group chat with three girls he works with. It’s absolute filth and suggestive and he has bad mouthed me in it. I don’t know what to do apart from go mad at him. I asked him continually if he talked to this one girl when drinking and it was full denial.. she’s one of them, and he mentioned to them he would have to delete the chat Incase I seen it and went all jealous again. What am I meant to do now? I know all the blame is going to come back on me for not being trusting

OP posts:

Frownette · 02/08/2019 06:19

Works with them...? They're all a bit nuts.

It's not that you're jealous, it's incredibly disrespectful.

Original poster

Bubbalols2019 · 02/08/2019 06:32

He makes me feel like I’m a jealous monster who he is struggling to deal with

How do I work with him?and show him its disrespecting me without sounding completely bonkers. It’s draining

OP posts:

AllMagicComesWithAPrice · 02/08/2019 06:40

You identified that you were the problem that caused your husband to ‘sext’ someone? Eh no, I identify he’s the problem.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

Original poster

Bubbalols2019 · 02/08/2019 06:49

Emotionally that’s what he’s put across to me

How do I just put a stop to it all, I don’t want to walk away because I’m committed to this marriage but is it a case of accepting it will never change?

OP posts:

lickencivers · 02/08/2019 06:51

You put a stop to it by kicking the bastard out and finding some thing that gives you some peace and happiness. Like a dog.

Frownette · 02/08/2019 06:51

But it's a bit sordid from the outside, isn't it - like watching someone rubbing one out. It's like for God's sakes get over yourself, ewww.

How is he generally? Children involved? Sounds like he's drinking too much and being a complete prat and obsessed with his penis

midsomermurderess · 02/08/2019 06:53

You were the problem? You might need to rethink that.

Miniloso · 02/08/2019 06:54

My ex did this and continually blamed me. You cannot win in this situation, he has manipulated you to not only let him behave exactly how he wants but for you not to challenge him. It’s win/win for him!

Unless you want a life of misery, of anxiety and sadness you need to make plans to leave him.

QforCucumber · 02/08/2019 06:57

I don’t want to walk away because I’m committed to this marriage
But he isn't. Walk away and commit yourself to your kids.

Original poster

Bubbalols2019 · 02/08/2019 06:58

That’s the thing, he’s hiding behind depression and a hard up bringing and every time I put rules in place like no more speaking to so and so he says well my therapist says for me to be better I need to be social and your depriving me of that. I used to be strong and he broke that, he’s a brilliant father and we are stuck with each other with financial problems but I just needed to get another prospective on it so I wasn’t loosing my mind

OP posts:

YouJustDoYou · 02/08/2019 07:00

I'm sure if it were you sexting a group of men he wouldn't be as accommodating as you've been for him. In fact I can filly guess he'd go absolutely batshit at you. You can't work with him on this. He can do it because he's been able to convince you it's all your fault, and not only that but he's bitching about you to these women to garner sympathy from them. He's an utter nasty loser.

Original poster

Bubbalols2019 · 02/08/2019 07:03

Yep and they basically agreed with him I’m batshit crazy. The one person in life whos meant to have your back and he screwed it all. Honestly don’t know how to even pick myself up this time. Why are men such pricks?????

OP posts:

Toffeecakes · 02/08/2019 07:07

You shouldn't need to put rules in place so that your marriage is happy, you can't control what someone thinks is acceptable behaviour. It sounds like you're fighting a lost cause here, if he wanted to be happily married to you then he wouldn't be behaving like a single man seeking attention off women.

His bad up bringing etc has nothing to do with his current behaviour, he choosing to use it to have his cake and eat it.

Get rid of him and focus on yourself and your children, he doesn't bring anything to your life other than misery. He doesn't respect you which is bad, but he actively disrespects you which is much worse.

balonzz · 02/08/2019 07:09

I am agreeing with the others that you should consider splitting up with him. He is openly being vile and turning all the blame onto you. It is always possible to leave a relationship - never easy, but possible. If i were you I would start exploring ways out. Sorry if you've already said but do you work?

Original poster

Bubbalols2019 · 02/08/2019 07:10

Exactly. I just don’t think I’m mentally strong enough to walk away, your completly right about setting rules in place I’m constantly begging for his attention and it’s disheartening. His ego constantly needs stroked and I’m not that type of person to do it but then that’s turned around to me not paying him any attention. It’s lile a hamster wheel and I just don’t know how much of it actually is my fault

OP posts:

lickencivers · 02/08/2019 07:12

I really resent the whole script now.

Depressed
Bad childhood
No friends
Counsellor said I need to
Work is stressful
All my fiends think you're controlling
If you loved me you'd see what I need

Etc etc etc

Bottom line. He's being a bastard and doing what he wants when he wants and if it doesn't suit you (ie you're not prepared to put up and shut up with it all and let it slide) then he will blame you irrespective of his actions.

It will not improve

It will not stop

Fuck the finances and everything else. Kick him out.

Frownette · 02/08/2019 07:13

Find your anger, OP

balonzz · 02/08/2019 07:14

It does does time to walk away but you can start just exploring it as a possibility inside your head at this stage. It's that or a life thrown away on someone who doesn't really seem to like you very much. If it helps at all, it took me 15 years to develop the backbone to walk away from my marriage and now when I look back I'm amazed I waited so long. You deserve more, we all deserve more. Many of us have had crap childhoods and therapy, it doesn't give you a licence to be vile to your partner.

MoobaaMoobaa · 02/08/2019 07:18

How do I work with him? You don't. He isn't and won't work with you.

I don’t want to walk away because I’m committed to this marriage

But He is not. You are a convenience, you are the show to the world he is family man, he can tick that box of adulthood. But he is not what he wants to perceive. He's just another wanker who has found a doormat.

He is disrespectful and manipulative. He makes you feel like shit, He makes you feel bonkers. He gives no shits to you at all.

Why are men such pricks?????

They are not, he is though.

Walk away.

EffYouSeeKaye · 02/08/2019 07:25

This is not your fault. Enough.

Adversecamber22 · 02/08/2019 08:49

You have no real idea what his therapist said.

However they probably did suggest mixing and being sociable. They probably meant do the park run, take your kids to that park, go out for lunch with your wife, have a drink done the pub with your mates, ring your Mother more often. They would most certainly not have suggested sexting and being a filthy disgusting pig.

It’s his fault alone he is sexting, you really need to get out of your relationship.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 02/08/2019 09:08

It's not your fault. He's not a brilliant father if he continuously disrespects his family. He won't change.

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