Hi, I read more than I post (this is a long one, sorry) and I’m just looking for a bit of advice. I’m 34, I have 3 kids aged 16, 11 & 9 months. My first two are from a previous very violent relationship but we are past that and my kids are happy. I met my partner almost 7 years ago, he was nice, a bit childish but what men aren’t. We have been ok until the last two years, I had to look after my terminally ill mother who passed a year ago this month which I didn’t mind but it meant me stopping work and concentrating on her most of the time, this put a strain on the relationship but I thought we’d be ok. I fell pregnant with our daughter & my partner wanted me to be at home with her until she was at least 3, I miss making money but ultimately being there for her is more important so I agreed. I had her in November & since then my partner has been ok, he clearly loves her but he’s hardly ever here as when he’s not working(split shifts) he plays football or goes out to meet his mates for a beer. I love being with my little girl but I’ve been left to do everything, so it’s caused arguments & made me distant from him which I don’t think is unreasonable. He walked out on Sunday due to me being too hard to live with, because I don’t pay him any attention and he’s treated like he’s a nobody apparently. I understand this to a degree but he was being a total drama queen. We have messaged back and forth he told me he loves me this is just too hard and he would have done anything to keep his family together, I was angry and didn’t respond as he’d liked so i told him where to go. I found out on Monday I’m pregnant, I am using contraception although it’s clearly failed. I told him thinking everything else would be irrelevant but he said he doesn’t want this and thinks it’s a terrible situation to bring another baby into. I admit we’re not ideal but no one has cheated or done anything unforgivable so I thought this would be fixable and was willing to do so for the kids sake. He said he’d come with me to ‘be there’ so I can have an abortion. But the thing is every time I look at my babies my heart breaks, I feel like I’d be killing another little version of my daughter. I’m pro choice but this is just how I feel about this particular situation. I asked could I meet him after work lastnight to talk and he got in the car and screamed at me, he told me I treat him like shit and he doesn’t feel a thing for me, but then he backtracked and said he loves me he just can’t do this anymore, he said he will never come back and I’ll have to be on benefits until I get back to work as he won’t help me. My heads all over the place,I certainly don’t want a life like that for my kids but I also don’t want to be rid of this baby. I took him to his relatives where he was staying and he said there’s no chance of this being fixed that he wants to get on with his life. I was hysterical driving home. He messaged me saying this is the best thing for everyone and he would come to the hospital with me and I was not nice to him I said that was fine I don’t love him either and don’t need him and I don’t want to get rid so I was willing to fix this for that reason and the whole thing escalated. It was horrible. Now he’s messaging me saying if I keep this baby he has rights to it as I won’t cope with 4 kids and I told him to fuck off, he doesn’t want it so I’ll do it alone. He just kept repeating he doesn’t want me but he will deal with the kids so I feel as if he wanted a reaction to that. Then when I told him I couldn’t care less about him now he said I’m disgusting for even lying and saying I wanted him back and that he “ thought we would be fine we just needed a few weeks apart but clearly not now” he’s playing games & I'm aware of that, my heads so far up my arse I don’t know what to do and I feel lost. I have no family, except my step dad who isn’t coping with my mum passing still so I can’t ask him to help me and I know I’ll struggle with 4 but I don’t see any other alternative as I couldn’t live with that decision. I just don’t know how to be with him now as I never thought he would be so horrible about a situation like this but he’s showed me a whole different side to him. Am I in the wrong? I feel as if my hormones are making me crazy.