How do I salvage my intelligence? Please help!

[zippyswife]

I’m 42. I feel so stupid, inarticulate, I can barely string a sentence together, let alone form a coherent argument.
I used to be a very bright girl, straight As at A level, 2:1 at a very good uni etc. But working in a menial role and being more or less a SAHM has meant my brain has stopped working.
It saddens me so much (much more than my depleting looks), and if there was a botox for the brain I would probably do it.
What can I do? I want to do it for me to increase my confidence and my self-worth but also so others regard me as I used to be; bright, sharp, intelligent.
Please help me get it back!!
(Ironically what I lost in brains I gained in empathy and kindness- which is great but I really want my brains back!!)

Get more sleep.
Read good books
Listen to intelligent podcasts when doing something mundane eg. Folding laundry
Make sure you still see people you like sometimes (and remember who you really are)

And remember how lucky you are to be with your babies and know it doesn’t last forever (or very long at all really!)

Find people who will discuss topics your interested in (and ideally hold the same views!).

You are, not your!

Thought a short editing course may help me! But then I thought perhaps you could do s short course also? OU have a few free ones online.

I do puzzle books, arrow words, crosswords, etc. Only the Take A Break kind but you have to start somewhere! :D

Hmm
Read more and varied books/newspapers
Watch documentaries and quiz shows
Sign up for a free online course or two (Futurelearn do loads)
Join the WI
Join your local WEA and do an 8 or 10 week (or one day) course
Take up a new hobby
Learn a new skill (I learned how to hoola hoop this weekend and I'm over 50)
Whatever you do, make it something enjoyable

Start engaging your brain in small bursts each day. Listen to intelligent radio discussion programmes. Keep up with the news and read articles in intelligent papers by writers who engage well with complex topics (eg Gary Younge in The Guardian.) Read some good non-fiction brain matter (Malcolm Gladwell/Oliver Sachs/Naomi Klein etc for 15-20 mins before bed.
You say you do menial work. Why? Look for a job that requires a bit of brain power. I worked PT when DC were small but in a field where I had to think. Can you build up a small business of your own so you can keep your own hours but develop skills - anything from accountancy/book-keeping or marketing for local businesses, editing and copy-writing, legal contract checking, translation - all these can be done from a kitchen table.
The OU and other unis have free or cheap online courses to get you started.

How old are your children, do you need to be at home for them during the day? Have you considered applying to become a Magistrate? It is very fulfilling and would certainly enable you to use your brain whilst contributing something very worthwhile to your local community. I did it for many years, ( until work committments made it untenable), and it allowed me to stretch my cognitive abilities and was a significantly different environment to my paid employment which is very physical, but requires little in the way of thought processing or communication!

And empathy and kindness would be very positive attributes - you would, after all, be making decisions which can, and do, have significant impact on other peoples' lives. Minimum committment is 26 days a year.

Bugger, namechange fail there! My brain is not functioning properly anymore either

Following with interest !

I was told by a nutritionist that white fish and eggs are both good for brain function. Definitely think it helped me. Also agree with poster who mentioned sleep being important.

How about a subscription to a magazine? Depending on your interests, there are lots ( Intelligent Life, The Economist, New Scientist).

I'm on the constituency exec committee of a political party and trustee of a local charity, which are both pretty stimulating. Schools are often looking for governors and prisons for independent visitors. Get involved in a community project ( our village is currently converting a disused shop into a creative community space).

Listen to radio 4, and the excellent free podcasts available ( I enjoy This American Life and The Guilty Feminist).

Find a 'culture buddy', who will join you for book readings, exhibitions etc. Learn from each other's interests and keep an open mind about what's out there.

My husband loves learning new things ( on his commute). He's found apps/ free courses in Mandarin, coding and now investment strategies ( God help us!)

We've just come back from WOMAD, where we had a great time and got our fair share of music, books, debate, culture.

There are loads of things you can do, and not all cost much or take up too much time. There's so much evidence around the importance of intellectual stimulation in maintaining our physical and mental health as we move through life. Enjoy!

You haven't lost your intelligence - it's all still there, you've just got out of the habit of using it, from what you say. You will have gained in knowledge and wisdom over the years, too, so your brain should be very capable by now.

Listen to Radio 4.

Sorry you’re feeling like this, you are still bright!

I feel like this often, I WoH in an interesting job, feel like my brain hasn’t been as good since having DC! But I think it’s actually just the “mental load” and parenting, time constraints, and less sleep and down time. On a recent holiday I felt really energetic and my brain was buzzing.

How much time do you have each day/week? That will affect your options.

Any chance of finding a better job? It’s nice when colleagues treat me as though I have a brain

I find exercise and eating veggies v good too!

I think I was like this, although do have a very demanding job so felt like I used up all my brain power there. I have been having counselling for a year - started off with a single issue I wanted help with, but has just blossomed. I think the talking, saying my thoughts out loud, has freed my voice again and I have a lot more to say in conversation.

You will not have lost your brains! You will have added to them wisdom, experience and judgement.
FWIW I have stayed in a demanding professional career and have still felt I’m getting a bit narrow intellectually. It was actually helping DD get ready for her 11 plus - especially the non VR which I was not good at to start with - that made me realise I needed to use my brain in different ways.

Some really good advice here. Would be easier to give more detailed responses if we knew what your interests are/were?
Although obviously reading stimulating books/articles , radio 4 and good podcasts can cover many bases arts/sciences/politics.
I like languages and started learning a new one when trying to get out of an abusive relationship. It felt so good using that part of my brain again and like rediscovering myself. I hope this isn’t the case for you, but I have been told that it’s common for people struggling with mental health problems/depression to feel their brain isn’t working at full capacity, it’s some sort of response to the overload of whatever is going on. Talking through problems can free up space in your head.
By the way, I think it sounds like you have grown as a person wrt kindness and empathy and it’s lovely you can recognise that about yourself 😊

Thanks for all the replies. Really great suggestions there.
I have just been elected as a parent governor so I think that new challenge will help. I just don’t want to come across as stupid.
Love the idea of being a magistrate. I’m a police officer at the moment so conflict of interest unfortunately. I do want to leave the police I just don’t know what to do that will give me the money/hours I need and be challenging/rewarding/stimulating.
I’ll look at the online courses I think and start on some of the podcasts (never listened to any before!) and reading.
Thanks again for all the advice. Really appreciate it.

Subscribe to magazines - I currently get New Philosopher and The New Yorker.
Learn something new - Oxford have got a continuing education department and I’ve done a couple of good short online courses with them.
Listen to podcasts. Subjects you are already interested in and something new.
I’ve recently started listening to Radio 4 in the car on the school run - there’s always an interesting subject that you could delve deeper into.
What work do you do and how old are your children?

I can completely relate to this! I rely heavily on intelligent radio and podcasts. Really struggle to find someone I can have an interesting conversation with these days, ever since having kids and leaving London.

R4 is great. Except book club, hate book club.

Police officer is NOT a menial job!

You are being very hard on yourself!

Having read your update I agree that you are being hard on yourself.
Perhaps think about all the things outside work that interest you, and follow one of those up as a starting point?
It doesn't have to be all academic - you could learn a new skill or take up a new hobby; you'd then meet a different group of people with different views & abilities, and different conversation.