Hi
I’ve hit my limit today. Dh has D&V and I have a huge fear of vomit so it’s been horrid. Also I suffer from fibromyalgia so I’ve been having to do things that cause me pain today as he is out of action (emptying dishwasher etc).
I’m constantly struggling in my mind with anxiety and depression. My grandparents both died in the last year and it was awful, my grandma was dying for months and I’m NC with most of the family due to the abuse I went through as a child and they didn’t want me to visit her. I didn’t feel I could attend either of their funerals. It was an awful time.
On top of the above we organised a v expensive day out for my 40th next week. For months I’ve been feeling anxious about the cost of it- we can afford it but it’s the sort of day out that will be easily ruined by bad weather. And now we have D&V in the house!! So I’m sensing doom is ahead. I’ve been so excited for this trip for months and I’ll feel crushed if we can’t go.
I’ve been feeling so tense and irritable this evening that I want to self harm or scream. I have no suicidal feelings so don’t think that- I’m just desperate to relieve the tension I feel, life is always so hard.
Lastly I’m terrified that I’m an awful parent because I struggle so much in my head and I worry that sometimes I’m a bit short and irritated with ds- who can be v full on.
Oh god help