I'm making more money but I keep thinking about money

[areyoureadytobestrong]

I'm getting slightly concerned about myself and my relationship with money.

I am fortunate in that DH has a steady job, including an element that is protected via a final salary pension scheme that may pay out about £30k a year.

I've never been mercenary, always been pretty generous and enjoyed spending when I could (but spent conservatively).

I have "broken back in" to my career at a relatively high level over the past three years. So this year, instead of earning £30k from self-employment I may earn as much as £90k.

We (four of us) live in an apartment in a converted Victorian terrace consisting of 6 flats. The conversion was badly done (the location is magnificent - that's why we don't move). We bought our flat in 2001, then we bought an adjoining flat and knocked them together.

This year, thinking about how much more I'm earning, I said to DH that we should buy the basement flat underneath us (the sound insulation is v. poor so it's always been a bit stressful wondering if someone noisy might move in). We did, and that required a major (though carefully planned) restructuring of our finances (using the generous borrow-back facility on our old-fashioned Nationwide mortgage). So we are now landlords.

This is all good - I think - yet I now think anxiously about money every day. How to repay the personal loan I took out to finance the third purchase. How to repay a loan from a relative. I've never had so much money and yet I've never had to think about it so much.

I feel a bit like it's changing me. My mum has always tried to use money as a control thing and it's never worked - neither my brothers nor I have ever been focussed on her money. Now I occasionally find myself wondering how much I will inherit after she dies, andwhat I'll do with it. This leads me to calculating when she will die, coldly. It's just not me.

I also find myself enthusiastically figuring out how to avoid paying 40% tax. When I first nudged into the 40% band I felt excited and proud.

I don't like being so focussed on money.

I don't know what I am asking for here. Has anyone else been through this? I'm just a bit baffled because I have always defined wealth as being able to walk through a supermarket, put anything you want in your trolley, pay, walk out and have no consequences because you can afford it. So I am wealthier in objective terms but I feel less wealthy which is nonsense.

I will don my tin hat!

Should add I am also working v hard but fortunately I enjoy my business and it's all home based.

Interesting one. Is it stemming from anxiety about meeting your new financial obligations?

I feel like this too Op. I feel we have too many outgoings, we’ve lost everything before and I know how easily it can happen to anyone. Also I feel like I have too much responsibility for our finances but not enough control. I don’t know what to do so all I do is worry and strop

It sounds to me like you are just thinking more about your business and how you can develop it. When men do that it’s called ambition and it’s seen as a good thing.

Are you sure that your mothers attitude to money isn’t making you feel guilty when there’s no need ?

You sound as though you are enjoying it all though? Is it a fascination as to how money works or more of an anxiety? Maybe you’ve just found something you are keen on and good at!

Well, you have more money but you also have higher risk (potentially) and more transactions to think about.

That’s how it works!

You took bold moves, have used your money well, improved your living conditions through the purchase of the flats etc.

Make a plan / budget to pay off the relative, maybe live on your old shopping budget til it is paid, build it into your monthly budget and get on with it.

Then ‘own’ your situation. Look up Imposter syndrome, banish it and be proud of what you have achieved.

Are you renting the basement flat out...?? If so it might be worthwhile looking at a buy-to-let mortgage on it & use the money to pay back the personal loans - or have I misunderstood you.

No real way of avoiding 40% tax though. You can put as much as your annual earnings into a pension which will offset some of the higher-rate tax & also the first £500 of interest you earn is tax free. Maximise your ISA allowance (£20k) but in a stocks & shares one, not cash.

hi, you guys are great I love crowdsourcing answers on here.

I think there is truth in each one of these replies.

Not sure how to own it. Definitely true about my background/my mum.

On a practical level, it is under control. It creeps me out though that my fallback position is now, well, something that involves my mum and uncle dying!

I think I am fascinated by the job and really proud to have got back in at a high level (as are all my old female friends, who were all soooo excited about me being made a partner because so many of us dropped out....). I love the status of that. I am genuinely not that interested in possessions (couldn't care less about cars). But I would love to own the other three flats - to control the whole building and a large patch of land and do something worthwhile with it: whether that means housing Syrian refugees or achieving maximum rental, I don't know yet! Maybe I don't need to know yet...

I like the comment about how in men this is called ambition....

Congratulations, you have a head for businesses. Being driven is good, just remember to take care of yourself and your loved ones and you will be fine.

thank you! (no one has ever said that to me before - am blushing!)

Having more money doesn't automatically equal more peace of mind

There is a shedload of money comes into my house. And a shedload of money going out as we use wealth to accumulate wealth.

I have many sleepless nights.

huh!

thanks for your honesty anyfucker.

is it worth it?

Having enough money gives you the freedom from anxiety about money. It sounds like your anxiety has ramped up, so is it worth it? I think about my next holiday, not about when my parents will die so I can inherit. It doesn’t sound like you have a healthy relationship with your wealth.

If you’ve got a personal loan and a loan from a relative, you’re living beyond your means.

Maybe, or maybe I just need to come to terms...

N/C for this.

I can completely relate.

I earn £105k, and my husband earns about the same. We have an expensive property (due to location, not size!) with a very manageable mortgage, and about £300k in equity. We have lots of savings, shares, very good pensions etc. Have a luxury car, lovely holidays, all the trappings. I’ll be mortgage-free by 40, and able to retire at 50.

The first thing I do every morning is check my online banking. Then my credit union. Last thing at night, I check my share prices.

My FIL died recently without a will. It’s gone to probate and his solicitor is trying to locate all accounts. I find myself wondering how much my husband’s inheritance will be and planning that if it’s over X amount we can do Y with it. I feel wretched even thinking about it. There’s no way I would say it to my husband, and if I thought he had similar thoughts about my parents, I’d be really upset.

I often save for something specific, but then can’t bear to part with the money. I recently saved £20k to go towards a new kitchen, but I think I get more happiness from seeing my account balance than the kitchen could bring me. And I really want a new kitchen.

I grew up in a home that was asset rich, and cash poor. My parents constantly had to scramble around for money to pay overdrafts, while sitting in a massive mausoleum of a house, always refusing to ever sell land or property, even when things were very bad.
Birthday money from relatives, any gifts of money given to us for Christmas etc. was usually “borrowed” by my parents, and never returned.

I nearly lost my home about 10 years ago. I lost my job in the middle of a recession and couldn’t find another one quickly enough. My husband’s salary was slashed, at the same time as our mortgage interest rate increased hugely, pretty much on the same day. It was exceptionally stressful. I feel now like some of the stress of not having money has been replaced by the stress of making sure I can hold on to it!

I’d never tell anyone this in real life as I know it’s ridiculous, and my diamond shoes are giving me blisters.

Historic issues and attitudes to money run deep.

compost.

Money is weird.

Is it worth it ?

As long as I keep my health, yes

Money can't buy it...so I hold onto hope for that

Aye, you said it.