Since having my baby I have a problem seeing my own mum!

[Stillmonday]

I need some advice or words of wisdom please.

Since having my baby 6 months ago I've really struggled with my own mum. I find her totally over bearing and too much. When my baby was only 6 days old she told me I'd have to start expressing so she could have him overnight. With my hormones being crazy that sentence made me feel very vulnerable about my precious new little bundle. (Not to mention the fact I've been ttc for around 20 years with numerous ivf attempts that my parents didn't even know about). Now she tells people that 'she's' been waiting for this for 20 years!!!

She likes to make everything about her, I get that she's excited but she's too much. When baby was first born she was posting things on Facebook about gushy grandma sayings & videos. She expects me to cancel plans for her and gets mardy when I say I can't see her on the day/time she wants.

It's got to the point where I dread her ringing or texting. I've told her twice how she makes me feel but she just cries then carries on being the same.

The thing is that if she was more respectful then I would happily pop over or send her photos but until she can see that then it's just getting worse for me.

There are so many threads in this vein OP, not that that's helpful but takeheart that it's a common thing. I'd be honest, maybe write a letter explaining how she is undermining you as a mother and until she can respect your boundaries you fear your relationship will continue to deteriorate. You won't remember what she did with you as a baby but I bet she never handed you over to your Gran without a backward glance, but how much contact did you have with your grandparents as a child, did they dictate to your mum? Did she bow to their every whim, I bet not, and even if she did, so what, that does not mean you automatically do the same

In some way it's nice to know there are plenty of others in a similar position . It's quite sad because already I look back on my baby first 3 months as being stressful because of my overbearing mother.

Absolutely feel the same and am following with interest. I really burned out with my mum and MIL and haven’t recovered. It wasn’t just the undermining-changed priorities and less energy made me realise how emotionally demanding my DM is and how much pressure she put on me to meet her needs.

What is it with these delusional grandmothers who think a new mum is going to pawn off her newborn for a sleepover when the baby is 10 minutes old?! (Ok, slight exaggeration).

It's utterly ridiculous. If you want to completely alienate your daughter or DIL, try demanding this.

That's just it, she has alienated me and it's only getting worse especially as she acts all mardy then posts stupid subliminal messages on Facebook!

Can you block her on facebook? You need to draw up boundaries now otherwise this will just continue.

Do you have a DP or DH who could speak to her?

I think you need to explain to her that every time she makes an unreasonable demand or goes OTT you will either leave her or tell her to leave if she is at your house.

If the SM use is a problem tell her she needs to stop that as well. Ultimately you hold all the chips. If your mother wants to see your DC she needs to behave in an appropriate manner.

My ILs went a bit crazy when I had DD as they had also been waiting a long time for a grandchild. They used to come and stay with us and their behaviour caused a lot of bad feelings. We ended up not seeing them for about 3 months when DD was 3 - 6 months old. They missed out on so much but once we resumed visits they were much more mindful to not over-step boundaries.

Something about babies makes grandparents psycho and I don't understand it at all. Physically makes my skin crawl thinking about it so I can totally empathise with you. The complete drama I had with my now ex MIL was unreal.

This was me 4 months ago. To some extent, its still me now. But, when it got no better (very similar new born experience to you) and blocking her out didn't work, I waited until I was mentally strong enough and let her in a tiny bit. Only enough I was comfortable with. She hates the fact she hasn't 'had him' to herself. And I won't let that happen until I'm ready. She's clinging on to the fact we are going to a wedding in over a year and she is meant to be having ds overnight. And I let her hang onto it. But likely hood is he will go to my sil and her kids!! I feared giving an inch would mean she would take a mile but she hasn't. She tried but I put her in her place. It was hard and continues to be but it's working at the moment. I'm hopeful for you op

@Stillmonday Unfollow her on Facebook. You'll still be "friends" and she'll never know, but you won't see her posts. If you're worried about forgetting to follow her again, Facebook will offer to just unfollow her for 30 days, and when she pops back up you can unfollow her for another 30 if she's still posting the same crap.

Doesn't solve the bigger problem, but lessening her access to you may make it easier for you to enjoy your baby

Making my 'skin crawl' is s very good way of putting it! She really does do that!

I've blocked her in the past but she got mardy about it so I had to let her back in on Facebook.

I try and keep her at arms length as much as possible now, it's a shame but they do end up missing out on a lot because she's so disrespectful! She did the same with my dog when she dog sat once, oh the dog does 'this and that' with me but won't do it for you!!! Fed her different foods which I specifically said she can't have for health reasons, let her on the bed when she's not allowed at home.. the list goes on!

I think she's clinging on to the fact I'm meant to go back to work soon so assumes she will have my baby but there's not a chance!