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Original poster

Leave from work - childcare

16 replies

caramelpopcornapple · 30/07/2019 14:12

NC as this is potentially outing.

I've been in my job 7 years. My son is 5 and until this last year, we haven't been tied to school holidays etc.

Im very fortunate that my husband gets lots of time off in terms of leave so pretty much covered all the half terms this year plus a week in the summer hols. I have taken time off to be with my son and husband during these times but my husband has mainly footed the childcare.

We literally have us and my mum and no-one else for childcare. As such, we have saved up and juggled it round so DS is in summer club 2 days a week, with my parents 1/2 days a week and with me/my husband 1/2 days a week depending on shifts.

My colleague started with us in March and is effectively one of 4 people in my team. She also has a son of school age. She is not with his Dad but they are still good friends and if you didn't know better, would think they were a couple.

She has her parents, sister, grandparents and child's father to cover childcare if she needs to and they can do so.

Talking about Christmas and I mentioned I was off from X date to X date to cover school hols. She mentioned she also needed A to A off during the same period, effectively rendering half the team off with no office based staff here. I clarified it's only 2 days at the beginning of the year so can't see why our boss wouldn't approve it as chances are it will be quiet.

I cant help but feel like I'm being guilt tripped. That she has "no-one" to have her son and she'll be stuck if she can't get the time off.

She has a bigger support network than us and months to save up for out of school club, as we did, to cover this period of time.

I'm not giving up my time off because she can't get her shit together. And why should I?

I dunno... I suppose I'm asking who is being unreasonable here...without being brave enough to put it in AIBU

OP posts:

Original poster

caramelpopcornapple · 30/07/2019 14:13

I don't want to not book time off with my husband and son because someone else can't organise their own childcare.

OP posts:

Waiting1987 · 30/07/2019 14:23

Neither of you are wrong in wanting that time off. It's unfair for you to think you deserve it more. If you booked it first then it's fairer for you to get it and not have to change.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 30/07/2019 14:39

I guess it's up to your boss if they authorise the leave for two people at the same time. It sounds like you booked it first and a long time ago, that's reasonable.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

BarbaraofSeville · 30/07/2019 14:49

Yes, you're going to have to share the school holidays from now on. What help you think other people have is irrelevant.

You might also find some of your other colleagues would like some time off at Christmas or in the summer too. It doesn't matter whether they have school age DC. They might have partners or other family members who work in a school and might want time off at the same time as then.

If you don't get enough time off in the school holidays, you'll also need to organise childcare as needed.

BlingLoving · 30/07/2019 14:53

Her support network and ability to find childcare is irrelevant. The fact that she/you have children is irrelevant.

You both want to take leave at the same time. Probably this will happen regularly. So your firm needs a policy to manage this process in terms of how priorities are determined and on what basis someone gets to choose their leave.

In my experience, people int he office (with and without children) usually do some internal negotiating to agree times off that work for them and the office. This is especially true at easter, christmas and summer. Parents don't get preference.

QforCucumber · 30/07/2019 14:54

Have you booked it in yet? If not get it done now.

Original poster

caramelpopcornapple · 30/07/2019 15:10

If you don't get enough time off in the school holidays, you'll also need to organise childcare as needed. I already have this organised and take the odd few days off during the holidays to spend as a family - the 6 weeks for instance I have taken 1 week off. The rest is covered by my husband and OOSC and my Mum. That would leave her 5 weeks to take as/when she required it.

And at christmas I have taken 2 days leave to spend as a family. No other time taken during school holidays.

I booked the week i just had off months ago, before she started I think. And the christmas leave about 2 months ago.

However YABU if you plan to continue having all the school holidays off if your boss won't authorise both of you off at the same time. I don't think it's fair to have a race to be the first to book time off and to 'bag' all the school holidays in one go. Read my OP. I have booked a few days at christmas (we shut down between 24th dec and 2st Jan) and 1 week in the summer hols. I am not bagging all the holidays. My husband, parents and OOSC do the majority of care.

My previous colleague was older and had grown up children and I've never worked alongside someone who also had similar age children.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 30/07/2019 15:14

So what’s the problem then? There is a potential clash of two days and that appears to be it?

But yes, it will only be fair to share the holidays from now on.

It’s irrelevant if you think she has enough childcare options from other people.

Original poster

caramelpopcornapple · 30/07/2019 15:18

So far yes, 2 days.

Thanks all. I've never had this situation so don't know what's the done thing.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 30/07/2019 15:20

The done thing is to share if your workplace has that leave system in place. No one should get priority.

Waiting1987 · 30/07/2019 15:57

I think you came across in your opening post as implying you were more deserving of the leave than her. Possibly you didn't mean to suggest this.

It's fair to take turns and have a bit of consideration for one another.

Nicknacky · 30/07/2019 16:01

And she might actually just want to be off work as the same time as her kids are on holiday.

jellycatspyjamas · 30/07/2019 16:31

I'm not giving up my time off because she can't get her shit together. And why should I?

In what way does she not have her shit together? You both want the same couple of days off presumably to cover the balance of school holidays. Why is it ok for you to want it but her wanting the same thing amounts to her “not having her shit together”?

Sounds like you’re used to suiting yourself in terms of annual leave to suit your childcare. Your respective family support is irrelevant, she has as much right as you go ask for the time that she needs and wants and your workplace will need to manage it.

jellycatspyjamas · 30/07/2019 16:35

And at christmas I have taken 2 days leave to spend as a family. No other time taken during school holidays.

In fairness you’ve got from 24 Dec to 2 Jan to spend as a family so it’s not like you’re being asked to work Christmas Day, you had the leave pre-booked so it should be honoured but I suspect you’ll need to negotiate with her a bit going forward.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/07/2019 16:41

If you've already booked it then you've already booked it. Maybe you will have to take it in turns. That's assuming no one else in your team wants that time off also.

I don't have children. This year I have 3 weeks off over the summer holidays and will more than likely take some at Christmas.

Sge995 · 01/09/2022 22:28

All of you are equally entitled to the same amount of time off. No matter what your childcare is like, nor lives.

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