Reinventing my life, could use some help

[SummerBluesToo]

I don't know about reinventing my life TBH, but I'm at a bit of a low ebb and could use some input.

First day back at work after an amazing holiday (paid for by family, not by me) and I'm at a bit of a low ebb. I've realised that I'm broke. My house is a mess, I'm 5 kilos overweight, going through an amicable divorce (but a divorce nonetheless) and trying to sort out child care and all sorts.

I'm self-employed so my income is up and down. I suppose I'm not actually 'broke' as such but things haven't been this tight financially for a long time. I have to fill out forms detailing my bank accounts and credit card and I feel really embarrassed.

On the plus side I have plenty of work. On the negative side I am not in a work frame of mind! I suppose you could call it a post-holiday dip!

Please help. Don't know whether I need a handhold or a kick up the arse. Probably a combination of both.

I have to fill out forms detailing my bank accounts and credit card and I feel really embarrassed - I meant to say that the forms are for the divorce. Need to give all financial information.

Just wanted to say I always feel like this after a holiday. You have a lot going on, I would start by making a list of what you have to do this week or today. Make sure you also keep sometime for yourself even if it's 15 mins.

It sounds like you could do with a handhold and a kick up the butt, though maybe not at the same time .

I think it's normal post-holiday to come down a bit like this. And divorce is obviously painful, even if amicable.

You have plenty of work so presumably the finances will right themselves at least a little bit? Can you do a few more hours of work today and then think of something kind you can do for yourself - a long hot bath, a good book, a bowl of popcorn and some telly?

It’s the cold reality post-holiday. Try keeping a bullet journal to help you feel more organised. It doesn’t sound too bad, more like having to clear things up ready for a new part of your life. Try to focus on one thing at a time.
Money saving expert is your friend for all financial stuff.

Unfortunately I have no advice but can I please join you?

I'm very happy in my home life with I'm thankful for, but very unhappy at work and have just resigned myself to being in this job for another 6 months. I'm also trying to lose a little bit of weight and exercise regularly.

I just feel like I need to reset my mind and attitude towards a few different things in my life...

Ah thanks so much all of you, even just a reminder that post-hols can be a bit of a downer is an enormous help.

I put my back out immediately upon returning and spent all of last week laid up (in my baking hot bedroom) so all of my holiday energy and inspiration has evaporated. Normally I come back refreshed and inspired.

I wouldn't change my kids for anything but I'm starting to realise that STBXH is going to keep on taking and taking from me financially and in every other way unless and until I actually woman up and put a stop to it. It's frustrating to think that he's never actually going to take responsibility for his own life and that I'm going to have to do all of the emotional labour/carry the mental load for everything involving our children and for always. If I don't, the kids will be the ones to miss out and I can't let that happen.

But I shouldn't dwell eh? It's a beautiful day, I'm here in the office with some uninterrupted time to work, better get some more admin done and hopefully start to feel better.

I’m going to keep posting here.

I went home and spent the entire evening on the couch with Netflix (I NEVER do this). Kids are away for a few days.

I’ve got all expenses covered (except food) and £60 left in my overdraft . Not been this strapped for cash in years. I have outstanding invoices that will cover my overdraft and credit card balance but I need to tighten my belt to get things back on an even keel. It’ll get me off junk food and takeways I guess so all good really!

Then it’s just the long-term life planning to consider. Ahem.

Meal planning around what you already have in and Lidl / Aldi’s if you have either nearby. Hope your back is better!

It's frustrating to think that he's never actually going to take responsibility for his own life and that I'm going to have to do all of the emotional labour/carry the mental load for everything involving our children and for always. If I don't, the kids will be the ones to miss out and I can't let that happen.

You are certainly not alone there! Mumsnet is rife with useless present and ex-husbands and partners!

Are you charging enough for your work?

Netflix on the sofa is actually a good idea. We all need a recharge and a slob out.

Make a plan - write it down - you need to step up and take charge of what you want to happen in reguards to finances etc

The weight lifts when you do this.

Can I join you OP? I am seriously fed up since coming back from holiday a couple of weeks ago, rather than feeling refreshed I feel awful. Was also £300 overdrawn which has been paid off with this month's wages but August is now going to be mega tight

If there’s ever a time to be skint, it’s when you’re filling out financial forms for a divorce! So that’s a positive.
And you have lots of work, so that’s a positive, because you will have money in the future.
If you’re feeling a bit down, how about instigating a 30 minute walk each day - getting out will make you feel better, you can use it as thinking time to attack things with renewed vigour and it will help you lose weight!

Are you charging enough for your work?

Very good question and the answer is: for the most part, yes. There are two main reasons why I've run out of money: I've been living beyond my means (i.e. overspending), and also being left as the sole parent has meant child care issues and less time for work. Both of these things are fixable so no huge issues there.

Oh and it's also been more expensive since STBX moved out as I am paying some of his expenses as well as getting less in tax credits. But the main issue is that I haven't been paying attention to my spending.

@OldGrinch please do join me! I'm feeling much more positive already, hopefully a bit of that can rub off on you. I've been eating lots of fruit & veg since yesterday morning and it always makes me feel much better too.

I"be been overspending too. I've got a little note book and going to write down EVERYTHING I spend in August. Got a strict budget to stuck to. Have a box of grapes here so will try and join you with some healthy fruit eating 😆