Don’t have anything in common with DH...

[PullingMySocksUp]

... so it feels like we just take turns talking at each other about things that interest us. Well he does, I try not to. I talk about the children.

I can’t even imagine what normal conversations look like? What do you talk about with your DH?

We used to be ok drunk, but then I stopped drinking.

We're the same as you :) I work in a specialist field my DP knows nothing about so we just don't talk.

We talk about everything; sport, what's in the news, Brexit, what we're doing at the weekend, what the kids are up to, who's having what for tea, who's coming round, who's having parcels delivered, hospital appointments ... all highly riveting stuff … conversations should ebb and flow, it's not always a deep philosophical debate.

I don't drink either!

Do you manage to do any things together?
We’ve gone through stages where it felt like we didn’t have much to talk about, I think you are bound to if you have been together a long time.

I’ve found going out and doing things that we wouldn’t normally do have been good for bringing us together. Especially physical activities. We did a go ape thing for example and had great fun, and it gave us things to talk about.
It can also be good to double date. It stops the pressure of having to make conversation with each other but it’s still intimate enough that you are spending time with each other

We talk about everything and anything. Brexit and our political views, the kids, share news about our families, funny articles we saw in the paper, his hobbies, my hobbies, household chores, deep conversations about our future and small conversations about who has to make the morning coffee. I also spend a lot of time reading him the more OTT MN posts to see his views

We are the same. We used to have loads to discuss. Now he talks at me about things I have no interest in, I talk about the children and occasionally the cat. We discuss politics but again our views have diverged there, and when they do miraculously coincide I will tell him something and he will then explain it to me with whatever details he feels I lacked.
Obviously these conversations aren't very satisfying for anyone.

We don’t do anything together. I am investigating a babysitter.

We have had major stuff going on in our lives for a few years (house renovations x2, moving country) which I think has masked it. We’re good at planning stuff together but now there is nothing that needs planning, bar the odd holiday.

We used to talk about what we read a lot, our childhoods, bitching family news, walks and adventures we wanted to go on.

I can't even contemplate going out anywhere like for a meal with DH without the kids. We'd just sit there twiddling our thumbs.

Is it better if you get out on a date? Sometimes I start to feel like this - a relationship can become very transactional during the week with both rushing about and jobs to do. And just too exhausted to put much effort into conversation. But once we have a glass of wine and a bit of time to relax we can have a good gossip or debate over a meal.

Nautiloid
Don’t go for a meal then. Do something different, comedy club, a show, the theatre, go for a walk, do an experience.

Galicali...surely there are more things to talk about than work?

I work in a specialist field that DH has no idea about but we still talk.

I guess our main topics of convo are:

• Our cats (no DC yet)
• What we want to do with the house (redecorating, plans for garden, etc)
• Politics & things in the news
• What we thought about whatever Netflix series/movie we've watched, what we want to watch
• Our plans for weekends (some shared plans, some will be our own plans)
• Our families (what's going on with them, etc)
• Plans for the future (DC, holidays, getting a dog, even retirement though a long way off)
• Work (not much on this as do very different things but perhaps something that's happened during the work day)
• Friends (what's going on with our friends, what we think of specific situations they're in, etc)

We also have random conversations like:
"If I held a gun to your head and told you you had to choose one of the cats which would it be?"
"If you could live in another country which one would you live in?"
"What did you used to do in the summer holidays when you were a teenager?"

^ These will normally be related (at least at a tangent) to something we've been talking about but sometimes I just throw things like this in that occur to me if I realise I don't know DH's answer

We've been married for 30 years and some days we talk a lot some not so much. We talk a lot about moving to Mexico what we are going to do etc.
We talk about current affairs. I find stories and send them to him then we talk about it.
We also send each other funny memes or videos.
We try to laugh. Also we watch things together last night was GOT.
If he ask me for anything at all he has to kiss me. He isn't affectionate at all so I found a way to get kisses or a hug.
We don't have a huge amount of mutual interest so we've got creative.

...and DH is teetotal and I rarely drink!

Obviously it ends up being 40% mundane (what chores need to be done, what did we do today), about 40% slightly deeper (news items, what happened in politics today, about friends/family) and about 20% deeper than that.

That's my estimate. If we recorded everything though I'd probably find it was 90% mundane

Nautiloid...what about the topics that others have mentioned?

You wouldn't talk about any of those? If not, how come?

Whenever I've seen couples at a meal that don't talk to each other I always assume they do everything together and so there's nothing to talk about? Is that the case...?

I’m really glad you started this thread. Lately I’ve been feeling like DH and I have nothing in common at all. But this happened with my first husband too. When we were dating, I felt we had loads in common. Then we got married and moved in together and all I could think was that I hated his choice in TV shows, films, music, or things to do.

I didn’t think it’d happen with my second, much nicer, DH. But lately I find his taste in music (which is honestly very strange) is just annoying.

I’d like us to be able to relax after dinner with s drink and have s chat, big he always seems to be itching to escape. That happened with my first DH too. I think I must just be a horrible wife. 🤷🏻‍♀️

We talk about everything and anything. Brexit and our political views, the kids, share news about our families, funny articles we saw in the paper, his hobbies, my hobbies, household chores, deep conversations about our future and small conversations about who has to make the morning coffee. I also spend a lot of time reading him the more OTT MN posts to see his views 

Ditto!

HasThisSodding "I’d like us to be able to relax after dinner with s drink and have s chat, big he always seems to be itching to escape."

^ TBF we don't sit and chat on a weeknight after dinner, we tend to eat dinner in front of the TV and watch programmes we both like (we both have programmes the other doesn't like which we watch alone as and when we have time).

I've got quite a challenging role that involves talking to people a fair amount in meetings so if it was a weekday I'd be trying to escape too, not because I don't like talking to DH but because I only have brain capacity left to veg out in front of the TV sadly!

Thank you for taking the time to reply, everyone.
I’m sad for those of you in a similar position.

We’re aiming to go out soon so I’ll see if that helps.

We talk about a lot of dross:

The weather - him more than me
What's on TV
Our opinions on the programmes
The answers on Pointless
Dinner
What the cats are doing
What shopping we need to do
Where we are going on holiday

And so on.

Then we have similar-ish interests eg we both like history but completely different aspects of it so he'll talk about something and I'll talk about something else. We have both ended up learning a lot this way.

We have opposite views on Brexit & politics in general so that subject is best avoided .

31 years together here and we often joke that the only thing we have in common is that we got married on the same day
He kayaks and cycles... I'd rather slice my toes off. I play the guitar...he's tone deaf. He talks about his day in great detail..I nod and make sympathetic noises and he does the same to me!

Most of our conversations are mundane.. money, chores, did we do the cats flea pills... that sort of thing. We realised we were getting boring, so we just got our first dog.. instant joy for us both and now she can go out so we can dog walk together.

We love each other dearly but acknowledge our interests are different, the only shared ones are the kids and the animals! I think that's pretty normal really after 30 years.

We have a lot of comfortable silences. Don’t always need to talk.

We talk about shared friends, shared hobbies, different hobbies, politics, news, the cat, plans for holidays, general stuff. Nothing hugely exciting!

We generally have a series on Netflix that we are watching together so tbh we sound watch an episode of that on a Saturday night if were staying in than just sit and chat.

@wheresmymojo --

I've got quite a challenging role that involves talking to people a fair amount in meetings so if it was a weekday I'd be trying to escape too, not because I don't like talking to DH but because I only have brain capacity left to veg out in front of the TV sadly!

I'm talking about weekends. Weeknights I tend to go upstairs early because all he does is sit in his chair on his phone. Every night he comes to bed later than me. He plays Xbox till midnight or later.

God, this sounds awful, doesn't it?

We talk about usual domestic stuff involving bills, repairs, food.

Family stuff, DS, cat, his horrendous sister, my horrendous sister, my lovely but unwell sisters. Currently sorting stuff about his Fathers estate.

Money, investments economics, the effect of Brexit, politics overall.

Sport, we share a love but I cannot watch the amount he does so I game sometimes while he watches sport.

History that’s my subject, science at his level but I willingly try to understand.

I would say we have highbrow conversations about subjects but also lowbrow gossipy conversations about people we know or people in the news. We also have stupid conversations such as if you were in charge of the universe and a megalomaniac what would you do? What do you think you would have done if born in 1178?