Anyone else's DP used to heavily smoke weed?

[plantwhisperer]

My boyfriend smoked weed for years from about 15 up until he was 30, he's been clear of it now for over 5 years but I'm since I've known him (2 years) I've noticed he seems to suffer from symptoms of long term use (Eg paranoia and mood swings).

His paranoia is ridiculous, he'll overreact to situations and say they could have caused death (some may have but incredibly unlikely!) and he thinks of the worst outcome and doesn't accept any other answer (doesn't seem to be anxious about it though just states it will be really bad) and his mood swings are really bad, he'll blame me for tiny things (like him leaving his earpod on the table and me moving it then say that it could have broken etc).

I'm finding it really hard to live with at the moment and I've come to the conclusion he's either just like that naturally (paranoid and mood swings) or it's been brought on from the long term weed smoking.

Yep. He has long term. Insomnia but that's it. None of the symptoms you've discribed.
Long term abuse of anything can mask underlying issues. Did he already have mh issues? As weed can exacerbate or mask these depending.
Maybe he could seek help?

Yes he smoked it pretty much every day from the age of 14 until he was 22.

His memory is appalling, like absolutely shocking particularly his short term memory. He greatly struggles to retain information too.

No paranoia but my childhood step-father smoked it daily and he was the most paranoid, vicious and angry person I have ever met. Cannabis is not harmless, it has long lasting effects.

@Pinkout He has such a short temper too! I'm sure it is caused by the drug use as he has no mental health issues.

I agree it's 100% not harmless.

Maybe it is due to long term weed use, but I'm more inclined to think that is his personality after 5 years without. He sounds irritating either way, it's up to you if you want to put up with it. A 'reason' for negative behaviour, such as long term drug use, doesn't make it any better or excusable.

@Spanglyprincess1 He refuses to admit anything is wrong, he'll just blame it on me. His temper is so short but he'll realise afterwards he's overreacted and apologise. I'm getting so sick of it and if I even suggest he may have a problem/lasting effects and to seek help he just completely disregards it.

No MH issues, none in his family either.

@RushianDisney Definitely agree it's not an excuse but it would help to explore whether it's a cause as it could help him get better/help me cope with it! He's fine the rest of the time, it's so bizarre.

Cannabis can widen existing cracks. The short term memory issues and insomnia and unfortunately semi permenant with long term use.
I've never seen temper issues with my dp ever if naything he's overly passive and calm

@Spanglyprincess1 There's not a lot of info online regarding symptoms of marijuana use after quitting years down the line but I have read that weed affects people differently so maybe he was the kind of 'rowdy/angry high person' he used to tell me he'd party a lot and get in fights when he was in his early twenties (nothing major- no arrests or anything).

No diagnosed MH issues. Many many people are living with depression, anxiety, personality disorders etc without having been to a doctor about it. I was severely depressed with awful anxiety and panic attacks for about a decade before I did anything about it, assuming I was 'normal'. I smoked weed almost daily as a teenager, as did a great number of my peers - none had diagnosed mental health issues at the time, now we are older and MH issues are more widely talked about more of us have diagnosises of some kind - and it is clear for a lot of us that these MH issues were in place before we started smoking.

I have no issues with mood swings, or anger, I am a very calm person - I do have insomnia but that has occurred in many periods of my life both before and after I smoked, one of the reasons I smoked was because it helped me sleep. I just don't buy weed use as an excuse for anger unless he is an addict with no access to supply. Any chance he is still smoking when not with you?

Yes dp uses to smoke constantly between 16-26. Hasn't smoked at all for the last 20+ years. His memory is very poor, particularly short term, which his mother is 100% blaming on the cannabis as his memory was great as a child/young teen apparently, but otherwise no long term effects.

He sleeps fine, falls asleep instantly whilst I lay awake for hours. He's especially moody though if he gets woken up/first thing in the morning.

Maybe it's just his personality then.
It's hard to live with sometimes as I never know when he's going to have a mood swing! He doesn't believe in doctors or medicine/paranoid about the government/people looking to steal his identity etc so it's virtually impossible to get him to consider seeing a therapist or a doctor.

Whether it's because of the weed or not, he sounds like a nightmare.

@RushianDisney Thank you for sharing your experience! Definitely agree now that it looks like there could be an underlying MH condition.

It's almost like he has split personalities! I never know when he'll lose his temper. He'll be really stroppy for ages too before turning his tune and apologising.

I'm also 100% sure he's not smoking as he's really anti drugs and alcohol now.

@AvengerDanvers95 It is! It's so weird though as he's fine the rest of the time, just has one or two blips each day. It's so stressful for me though sometimes when he won't even consider going to see a therapist about anger issues.

It's like he always has to be right? I've got therapy on Wednesday so I'll mention it to my therapist then, I don't usually talk about him while I'm there but maybe she can help.

I think it's just his personality!

I smoked weed pretty much every day from 21-31. I'm late 40s and fine. Just the usual slightly dodgy memory at times but I think that's due to being peri menopausal. I'm not short tempered or paranoid.

Good plan to talk to your therapist, she may have useful strategies for dealing with his behaviour and getting him to recognise it and change.

I always find myself apologising for things I didn't do/aren't a big deal (Eg cleaning the table today so I moved his EarPods and he got mad).

It's exhausting. He doesn't talk to me for hours after either.

I've been reading up and moodiness can be a sign of controlling behaviour which makes sense as I always feel I have to comply/apologise to make him feel better!

Christ, this day just keeps getting better and better.😂😫

I'm going to talk to my therapist on Wednesday about how to heats approach him to insist he see's someone about his anger issues, otherwise I can't keep doing this.

Thing is OP, replace 'used to smoke weed' with 'having a lousy childhood' or 'unhappy in his job but stuck where he is'. Essentially it doesn't matter why he's treating you badly (and he is, who gets angry over moving earphones?) because he shouldn't be.

You're desperately looking to fix him by finding the source of his problem. I don't think it's your problem. He doesn't sound nice, his background is irrelevant surely?

could you live separately but still see him. no man is worth making you feel on edge in your own home.

My brother was the same paranoid and rages, he eventually died from a brain tumour - he also smoked roll ups constantly.

If they have fried their brain they never recover, suggest you find a better model.