Daughter in recovery from anorexia just got a vomiting bug.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

DD1 is just 18. She is in recovery from very very severe anorexia. Well established recovery. She has maintained a lowish (but just about healthy) weight now for a year.

Yesterday she came down with a viral/vomiting bug. What she ate yesterday she brought up. And she hasn’t eaten anything at all today (has managed to keep water and a few sips of apple juice down).

I’m so worried about her - (i) she can’t afford to lose weight and (ii) I’m afraid that if she starts to lose weight this will set her back on her previous path.

I am really looking just to offload here as I know no-one has any real answers. But I’d be happy to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

DD had amazing mental health support from CAMHS. But she was discharged when she turned 18. She was referred to the adult eating disorder service so she could have access to them but has not actually met any of their team. Her GP would see her at short notice, but the call would need to come from her not me at her age. And she would be quite cross if she thinks I am over reacting. We get on very well, but I have come under criticism from her for ‘not letting her grow up’.

I feel worried as this is the first set back we have had since DD turned 18 and the landscape for getting help is quite different now from what it was even a few months ago.

Just to be clear - this is a definite bug; DD1 is not trying to restrict her intake at the moment and the vomiting is not self induced.

((HUGS)) (yes I know that's frowned upon here ...)

I am also a Mum to my adult DD1 who in in recovery so I completely empathise with your worry. (DD1 is 27 but even tho she nearly died at 19, (5 stone and she's 5 ft 10¬!) never got good support until this year when a massive relapse of her barely manageable anorexia landed her in hospital, tube fed and then ED unit) She is 4 months out of hospital and doing really well at the mo, but every little setback , 'off day' even for perfectly reasonable things, like feeling under the weather sparks a horrible wave of terror in me that this will be IT ..the trigger to starve again.

We have actually found adult services very good this time round (the less said about her initial descent into anorexia the better.. we had very little support), but that's directly from the ED unit. It's so difficult when they are adults because you just don't get a say.
On the positive side, if your daughter has maintained an okish weight for a year it sounds like her head is in a reasonable place and perhaps just babying her , getting her to sip dioralyte etc might help her brain know this is a virus... not her anorexia raising its ugly head. And be casual about it.. stomach bug, drink this, it's no big deal.

I've spent an awful lot of time, oddly enough reminding my DD1 that it doesn't matter what she eats, because she is trying so hard to eat that she panics if she just doesn't feel like much!

It's so complex and so so hard when you are a bystander.
PM me if you just want a chat.. trust me I get it!!

Thank you so much for getting it. It sounds as though our DDs have had a similar journey. I do think that it was something of a (very) small ‘comfort’ to me that DD1 was under 18 at her worst and so I was involved all the time.

She is sitting on the sofa with me as I type. She has overcome so much and I’m so proud of her. She looks so washed out at the moment. I very much hope she will be better tomorrow.

I do know I must not over react to this.

I should add - I’m glad to hear your DD has got good support from adult services. And that she is doing well. DD has brilliant CAMHS intervention. From what I hear this is sadly not typical though.

After 2 years of therapy though she is ‘talked out’ and does not want to have an active involvement with adult services at the moment.

Can't say I blame her...
My DS2 (I have four children and the others are ok, honest!) has autism and OCD and my our experience with adult MHS for him has been... shit. No other word for it. Because he has autism and some learning disability, AMHS don't want to help, LD services don't 'do' OCD and by sheer luck a work colleague mentioned a CBT therapist experienced with ASD teens and she has basically saved his life. But we pay large amounts to keep him well (luckily he gets PIP!) Support is so hit and miss.
DD1 descended into anorexia during her A levels, and hit crisis point in her first year of medical school and we had very little help..I was basically left to try and keep her alive and I had no back up. She has remained anorexic but somehow kept going until last year when it all fell apart...
When she was finally admitted for tube feeding, it was the best thing ever for her...she couldn't hide it (as she thought..of course everyone could see!) from ehr colleagues..she's a junior doctor and was treated in her own hospital and the ED unit is in the same grounds. No more secrecy about it, and it has been the best for her.

To give you hope.. DD1 managed to complete her medical training and while she is currently part time as a locum as she is not strong enough for full time, she is more herself than I have seen in years..and will apply for GP training this year. There is hope!

And I'm so bloody proud of her. She was always so driven (not from us!) and a perfectionist and so kind and caring to everyone but herself, but I know she WILL beat the demons...