Tips for a 5 year old who WILL NOT SLEEP

[JessicaJadex]

I’m going out on my mind with my 5yo boy. He has been a nightmare for going to bed recently. It takes him around 2-3 hours of arguing, excuses, tantrums and constant in and out of bed before he actually gives in and falls asleep. His behaviour during the day has been the worst it’s ever been (I’m talking psycho level), and I know it’s because he’s not sleeping enough. He needs 12 hours to be tolerable, but he’s getting around 9 at the moment and it’s draining me. I’ve had to take him home from activities with friends every single day since he broke up from school. I am losing the will with him- His behaviour has meant no one really wants to meet up with us and I’m alone with him 24/7. I don’t know how I’ll survive the next 5.5 weeks with him! Any miracle cures? He currently has a black out blind, and we do the usual story/bed routine at the same time each night. He has a calming night light and he won’t sleep without an audio book but I’m tempted to take those away if he carries on! SOS

@JessicaJadex
How's it going ? Did any of these idea help?

Our DS was a real hitter & kicker at that age. Mainly aimed at me, occasionally DH or DD. He's now 7 & still has the odd outbreak now although is immediately mortified whereas, when younger, was so in the midst of his anger and frustration, that he didn't have that awareness. He has always been a model pupil behaviour wise at school and other settings.
With him, I've gradually realised he just finds life a bit tougher than others. He loves company so really looks forward to days out with friends but finds the constant changes and disagreements which go with that (eg changing from playing stuck in the mud to it before everyone has had their turn; someone cheating in a game; an argument about whether someone scored a goal or not) exhausting. Perversely (or it seems perverse to me given he would hit & kick me), he has a strong sense of right & wrong and gets very upset if someone does something unfair or misbehaves and gets away with it. All of this meant that, whilst he would appear to have a great time when out with friends, he would be a bundle of misery by the time we left - and sometimes that would explode over whilst we were there and he would have an outburst directed at me.
It's horrible and I wish DS wasn't like this. I have an older child who is totally different so I am confident that it is nature rather than nurture and that, whilst I have to parent him as best as I can, I also have to accept who he is and learn to manage this. Age is helping massively but that isn't an immediate solution.
What helps for me is to leave him to play but with an ear out for what they are doing so I can intervene if needed. One of our friend's children turns out to be a complete cheat who will do anything to win so, if I spot this happening a couple of times, I will intervene. Simple saying "you need to re-count that move" or "that looked like a five rather than a six to me"
or "I don't think that did cross the line" is enough. I also limit how long we're out - although the limit depends on who we're out with as DS finds some people's company much easier to tolerate than others. I also give him some time out's by suggesting he comes and helps me do something. He is now mature enough to understand this so, when I suggest we go & re-fill his water bottle together, he knows that this is a chance for him to tell me everything that is bothering him, have a hug and go off and play again rather than shout at me to go & fill it myself whilst he carries on playing and gets more frustrated.
Lots of hugs, lots of food (I have also had to accept DS is a real grazer and needs a lot of snacks as he just doesn't eat much at meal times), lots of 1:1 time, lots of down time.
If DS is "stable" during the day, the bedtimes are much easier.
The Explosive Child and 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child are both good and I keep meaning to re-read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen.