Mum and I get on really well. See each other a few times a year (she lives abroad), phone every fortnight or so, we visit once a year with family for a week or so. She and I have similar political views. DH and I have opposing political views, and DC1 is now an older teen and takes DH's side more. I am fine with that as I know he'll develop and form his own ideas over time. Mum and I laugh about DHs views between ourselves.
We are visiting her now and AGAIN she has engineered the conversation so that she is in charge and asks us all our opinions. She knows mine will differ from DHs. Yet let's me speak, for about a minute, then shouts me down, saying "let him speak". He is a quiet person and would never interrupt and is embarrassed by her doing this but secretly quite smug about me being effectively told to shut up, which he wouldn't do (as he values his life) when it's just us at home. It's really pissing me off. And makes me see her as an enabler of male power - I feel like she's essentially giving him the green light to say what he thinks (he thinks we're a bit stupid and naive) at my expense. And all without him having to do anything.
She excuses herself by saying things like "he's my only SIL and I need to keep onside" but I'm her only daughter and why doesn't she want to keep me inside? She assumes I'll be there regardless. But that makes me feel even more taken for granted.
My relationship is not great at the moment. DH is struggling with me being more hands-off at home since I got a job (which he urged me to get so as to even up the finances) and seems to be in a perpetual grumpy mood. I love my job and financial independence, which seems to make him more grumpy!
How can I sort my mother/me/DH out before we wreck another family holiday? (Murder isn't really an option as it's a very small town) 