Really weird situation with new friend

[PopCorney]

She never uses MN so I think I’m ok posting this.

I met a new friend about 6 mths ago. Very quickly developed a firm friendship. From the off she made it very clear she was in an unhappy marriage. Her husband is a bastard. Lazy, doesn’t show her any affection, not quite abusive but by her description an absolute cock lodger.

She invited me for a BBQ this weekend and I went.

Oh my. She was an utter bitch to her husband the whole time. I don’t know how else to describe it. She spoke to him like absolute shit, was constantly making fun of him in front of the guests, nitpicked every tiny thing he did (even the butter knife she brought out were the wrong ones and a 6 year old could do better )

On the surface he seemed lovely. Very quiet, just seemed to accept the way she was talking to him. Another couple there who’ve known them for years said she’s always like this and it’s just how they are. And he could be a complete cock behind closed doors but I was cringing into myself at the way she spoke to him. Like when you were a kid and round your friends and their parents would start arguing.

She text me afterwards saying hope you had a good time, see what I mean about DH , can’t wait until I can get out of here

I haven’t replied and actually want to say “you were an epic bitch and tbh I’m surprised he hasn’t divorced you if that’s how you usually talk to him”

WWYD?

*he brought out

I have an acquaintance who does exactly the same thing. Constantly whingeing about her horrible DH but actually the only thing wrong with him is he doesnt stand up for himself when she is absolutely vile to him. You never know what goes on behind closed doors but I just try and avoid all talk of DH's etc so as not to get drawn into whatever the hell is going on with them.

Not your circus, not your monkies. I would leave well alone. Anything else will not end well.

** monkeys even.

I’m just going to reply “had a lovely time thanks”

And then slowly start backing out of the friendship. Anyone who can talk to someone like that is not someone I’d like to be mates with. And me and ex had some right old rows but that was insidious nastiness

Her saying see what I mean implies there isn't any more going on behind closed doors.

I'm going to go against the grain and say I would say something as long as you are happy to lose the friendship.

It sounds like she is abusive. She might not change her behaviour but surely by not calling her out she will.just be allowed to continue?

If it was the other way round I think more people would be confident about saying something.

I’d back away from the friendship. I couldn't respect someone who treated their partner so badly.

Either say something, and she'll hate you for it but you'll have been honest, or just drop her like a hot brick.

NeverGotMyPuppy has a point she’s never going to change if no one pulls her up on it. It’s quite a hard thing to do though and I don’t think I’d be brave enough.

I would tell her the truth about what you witnessed and end the friendship.

My Dsis was like this with her DH. Nobody thought he would ever act on it, everyone thought she'd leave him . he had enough and left her. she was devastated. She is my sister and I stood by her but I think she brought a lot of it in herself.

on herself

Nautiloid is right, if she implies that you've now seen what he's 'like' and he was fine then he's unlikely to be much different when no guests are around. I'd carefully and politely just phase out the friendship

All that is required for evil to flourish is for good women to say nothing.
Honestly, she was being verbally abusive to him. It’s quite possible she is worse to him behind closed doors. Poor man. Might need a lifeline.

I’d reply ‘would’ve been a lovely day if you weren’t such a cunt to your DH’

I dumped a friend in similar circumstances. She startled trying to boss me around which immediately killed the relationship but she treated her husband like dirt and I told her so.

I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her. The see what I mean comment implies there is nothing else going on. Silence is complicit.

@Bookworm4

She sounds horrible. I'd probably say something anodyne like 'I didn't see that at all, actually' though I'd be tempted to say something stronger. It's never nice to see someone belittled and bullied.

I think lots of us know of a female who is abusive to their partner.
He will walk one day and she will wonder why.?

You’re happy to lose the friendship so I would tell her straight exactly what you thought of her and her lies.