DH struggling with ds2 developmental delay

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Ds2 has been identified by his preschool as being behind (8-20 months where he should be at 28). He talks incessantly but very few of his own words - mostly parroted phrases from tv and books. He’s regressed in the last 4 months (used to say ‘hello’, ask for food etc but has stopped).

Going to see the hv this week and also look into a private OT session(s).

DH has googled the symptoms and given him an armchair diagnosis of autism. He’s convinced that ds’s personality is going to disappear and he’s going to revert entirely to ticks and be non-verbal.

He’s usually a very reasonable and rational person (although occasionally catastrophises) but this has sent him spiralling downwards and he can’t seem to see any positives from the situation.

We have no clue as to what has caused this and how permanent it is as we’ve not been able to see/talk to anyone yet but I’m trying to be positive and finding it difficult as I’m having to constantly reassure DH.

Does anyone have any experience of this in a child, or any idea how I can make DH see it’s not the end of the world (even if it is autism or another permanent condition?) ds2 is very content and happy - he just seems to be withdrawing into a bit of a bubble

Sounds like you are doing all the right things with regard to seeing the health visitor. I would ask her about when you need to see the GP, if your son is still having delays. You may want a referral to a developmental paediatrician and speech therapy service.
My youngest has Autism and was also talking in TV phrases, amongst other behaviours. To be honest OT won't address the speech you would need a speech therapy referral for that.
It could be because of all sorts of reasons, Autism is just one possibility. It is very hard and upsetting to think your child will need extra support or have a disability. We are 10 years on from you and a lot has changed but we both coped in different ways. As long as you are both getting the referrals in for some assessments and help for your son thats the main thing at this stage. If your son does go onto require further help you will both cope differently with it.
Ask the HV about portage/early years support at this stage. Also ask the nursery what they are going to offer regarding extra support. My son was assessed by speech therapy and a paediatrician aged 3 and got his diagnosis aged 3.5.
Try not to overthink or google everything at this stage although its easier said then done but do seek out some help and referrals. Speech therapy would be my suggestion rather than OT.

had similar with my DC - went from being diagnosed with severe language delay at 3 to being signed off from salt at 6.5 (his huge leap in language came between 4.5 and 5) didn't quite meet the criteria for an ASD diagnosis, but I do wonder sometimes [hmmm].
I wouldn't bother with private OT tbh unless there's sensory stuff going on - I'l d go for private SALT instead.
My DC grew out of the scripting/echolalia as his language improved. Sometimes it felt like the echolalia was an intermimediate step in his communication - like he wanted to say somethign, but wasn't sure what, so just regurgitated something memorised, iyswim.

My youngest does have autism. He too had a speech regression but over 18 months has started talking again. Not quite as you'd expect for his age bug also speaks like an adult at times, not just repeating.

I really think he stopped talking to concentrate on other skills. He's very advanced with fine motor and understanding, also very funny and loving.

Sometimes the spikiness in development events out, sometimes it doesn't. Just involve the professionals and keep talking and singing to him, even if you don't get anything back. They are such little sponges at this age!

My son is now at secondary school. Never stops talking and is funny and beautiful and loving. He has Autism and this will always be part of our lives and we totally accept that now. To be honest I didn't cope well initially. I cried everyday for 6 months. I could not tell people he has been diagnosed without crying. I felt like I was grieving for the child i thought I had and i felt faced with an unknown and daunting future. My husband read every book about Autism and i didn't read any. I couldn't.
But our son is still our gorgeous boy who we adore and who enriches our lives a million times every day. We would never be without him. Your son is also your precious boy with his personality and favourite things. He will grow and change and make huge huge leaps in his development. You can only support one another and accept that you will cope differently whatever happens. As long as you are both pushing for referrals and assessments and help together thats what will make the difference. You love your boy as he is, that won't ever change.

@soccarbabe thank you for giving it a name - I have just been googling echolalia and it seems to be what it is. He does have some other behaviours as well - repeatedly clicking his tongue and (I don’t know if this is out of the ordinary) picking - flowers, plants, leaves ... wherever we are he’ll pick, immediately loose interest and pick another - he can do this for over an hour unless I distract him. He walks around with his head to one side and flaps his hands (especially when he wants something). If we’re in an open space he’ll not care how far away from me he is. He rarely responds to his name (but quickly responds to words like ‘biscuit’ so not a hearing issue).

Preschool have said he has trouble with eye contact and although he does make eye contact with me he tries to actively avoid it at times (will look at my shoulder if i’m face to face with him).

@smartiecake that’s what I keep trying to tell DH - even if it is autism it’s not the end of the world - he’s still the same little boy we’ve loved, played with, cuddled and cared for.

I think with DH fear of the unknown and at times like this the internet can be a sources of brilliant info but also a wash with negative info.

Absolutely the case with DH - Googling has completely freaked him out.

Perhaps that is the way DH deals with things? I know we have faced some developmental issues and my DH is more like you and I am more like your DH. I google like a maniac but that has benefits too as I am have learnt a great deal and share some of that with my DH. Perhaps you could stop reassuring your DH and just get him to acknowledge that that is his process... and his process has no actual bearing on your son and his delays etc. I also have to remind myself that it is an enormous drain catastrophising... I hope you make some progress with your son and take heart that many of us have DC with asynchronistic development and there can be as many positives as well as negatives.

Thank you - it is his process - he almost needs to see the worst before anything else. He’s just told me the reason he’s been so down is he’s worried this will turn into a total regression that DS won’t come out of. (Not speaking, smiling, interacting at all) he says he worries for his future. I’ve tried to reassure him that’s not the case but it’s hard to find any literature to back that up

I can’t wait until tomorrow so I can start feeling like I’m doing something - making phone calls and appointments.

People do deal with this sort of thing in different ways.
At a scan when Pg I was told dd2 was missing an arm.
Dh's reaction was to go home and Google the heck out of it. He coped by trying to find out every scrap of possible information.
I couldn't cope with even looking at pictures of similar children for 2-3 months at least. In fact I'm not sure I did any information looking until after she was born.
We just had our own ways of coping and neither were right or wrong.