Issues at work, keeping emotions in check.

[Solongtoshort]

There are some issues at work that need addressing as l am getting more and more frustrated and l feel like l am going to explode if I don’t say something.

I am a bit worried about my emotions getting out of hand as l cry with frustration.

I have raised some of my issues before but don’t really get any resolutions as l feel like my manager isn’t that bothered otherwise l wouldn’t be posting this on a Saturday morning at 1.40 am.

I have written my issues down so l can use that as a quick look at guide but l am dreading it. I don’t know how to control my emotions when l get a sarky answer from her or a put down that she thinks is an acceptable answer.

Sorry for the ramble it’s just collectively my issues are effecting my life.

Writing the issues down is a good start.

What is making you emotional? Is it the situation itself (e.g. bullying) or because you think the conversation won’t go well?

Sorry I see you’ve said your manager isn’t great. Is there anyone else you could talk to if this doesn’t work out?

I’ve nothing constructive to say but just wanted to say I feel for you, I get emotional too, to the point where I’ve had to involve my union to advocate for me-do you have a union?

Hi thanks for the reply’s, l know it’s late/early.

I do have a union but the rep isn’t that great. I could go to her boss but l feel like they are both the same really, l have never worked with such rude women who constantly swear and put people down.

The issues are the tone lm spoken to (it’s not just me). She doesn’t understand the impact in which she says things then when l say something she says l didn’t mean it in that manner. For example there’s a health and safety sheet that we fill in and my name is on it a lot because l do fill it in a lot (there are 5 of us who get to fill this in) on Monday we were having a small meeting l had been away for about 2 hours and she said “am l the only one filling this in today tooling” not very pleasantly l pointed out that my name appears on there a lot and seeing as l had been there for 2 hours maybe she should ask the others” . She was aware l was annoyed as l don’t really answer back and that’s the moment l thought, who the hell are you speaking too, Then at short notice my shifts were changed and l had no consultation about it and l am just expected to do it. I’m not going too this is was probably the last straw .

Hmm the changing of shifts isn’t considerate of her. What does your contract say about it?

I think your response depends what outcome you want/ need. Can you afford to walk away? How easy would it be to get another job? Are there aspects of this job that you really enjoy and would hate to lose?

Could you start looking for another job?

You sound like a great woman who should be embraced by the Trade Union movement but sad to say that's far from the case. Too many women fall into the situation of the organisation that's supposed to represent becoming one of the things you're supposed to be fighting against & becoming their clones/puppets instead.

Unfortunately so many unions today are a pathetic corruption of what they were create to be & we have to fight our own battles - irony or what.
Don't be afraid to take it to wider social media/the press.

I do really like my job, it’s not my job l dislike and l don’t see why l should leave because of her/ these issues.

I don’t think that it’s right myself and my colleagues have to come in each day wondering what mood she will be in, it’s a complete change of atmosphere when she isn’t there.

The shift change has me working between 45 mins and 2 hours longer each day, This is a new shift pattern set by the company. Before the shifts change happened we were all meant to have consultation which never happened we have been told this is happening from Monday, when l raised this the other day she told me “it’s out of my control”, which l understand it might be, But l have a right to ask questions about why l am being asked to work more with no extra pay. This shift change would really impact both financially and time wise on my life, cost of childcare and time spent with my children.it equates to five hours each week, that l can tell on the next two available rotas.

I think l try my best at work each day, when l have finished my job l help others, when we are overstretched l will stay and do a bit extra as we all do for the sake of team work. If l have a problem l always try and sort it out first and most of the time l don’t sweat the small stuff. There’s a woman in out team who when anything changes it’s all over WhatsApp Facebook and the world and the moon know about it, l can’t bear that but l sometimes think at least it get her results, l hate the drama of it all.

After the small bit of sleep l have had l have decided l am going to speak to the union as l am just not prepared to work for free, l have written my issues down. I think the reason l feel emotional about it is l feel unappreciated and taken for granted, both from her and with how “the company” treat us employees and the answers to my questions shouldn’t be things like “it’s out of my control” , “you chose to have kids”and her other comments to another person on our team which is disgusting is “well there are other jobs out there”, but the favourite is “l am the manger what l say goes”

I do try and remember she has more pressure than me from above but that’s what she is paid for. I have tried thinking of the advice l would give to someone in my shoes which would be talk to your boss but l don’t think l can. My lack of sleep isn’t helping my anxiety either.

But beside all that how can l stop myself crying with frustration when l go in her office with my list on Monday, well that’s if we are allowed to speak on Monday.

I don’t know how to control my emotions when l get a sarky answer from her or a put down that she thinks is an acceptable answer.

Either say "Hmm, not really very helpful is it?" or "Can I have a straight answer please?" or "What are you trying to say (in plain English)".

She doesn't sound like she is coping in the job - not that that should be your problem. Or maybe she is just a dick.

As well as a list of issues, also consider a list of responses ie "I am not sure I understand? Is this not something you can help with if so should I speak to hr / name your managers manager" "are you suggesting I just leave?" "Would you say that if I was a man?" I did work with someone who would bully using sarcastic humour, so I recognise waking early and dreading work it can only be tackled head on. I got the meeting you need and recalled all the comments and verbalised how it affected me and how she made me feel, I would also add that I am a crier through frustration and I hate letting people know how much they have affected me, but when I have let go its been inevitable and change has come about. Good luck and if you don't get the responses you need don't be afraid to escalate it further / leave

But l have a right to ask questions about why l am being asked to work more with no extra pay. This shift change would really impact both financially and time wise on my life, cost of childcare and time spent with my children.it equates to five hours each week, that l can tell on the next two available

If this shift pattern change is counter to your contract of employment, it is worth engaging with your Union. They tend to be better at things involving tangibles, where they can point to a contract and figuratively poke a manager in the chest and say this isn't right, rather than the complex human relationship stuff where HR often needs to step in.

deathraystar’s advice is good. Say “this is important. I want to be clear what you are saying”

Thank you all, the responses will help me and l think saying to her shall escalate this to your boss with either force her to change her attitude or her stupid rude answers.

I think ultimately l am going to contact the union about my hours and get them to deal with it. I am not going to do the extra parts to my shift over the next to rotas as it says clearly in my handbook 3 weeks notice will be given for a change to contracted shifts and as l have had 3 days l think l have that to fall upon.

Last week in our group situation when the drama lady was kicking off and it was getting out of hand (again) l stepped in and had to diffuse the situation as when she tried to put it down to banter l said banter is laughing with people not at people, so l am not s complete push over, l think lm an eye roller that has had enough, l think l need to tell people to stop telling me their problems with her as well as it is adding to mine. l have a holiday in 3 weeks l can’t wait.

Hi

I have a similar work situation to you. My supervisor is a terrible woman who has bullied me on and off for years. I've put in complaints before, but it never did any good. I think the organisation I work for doesn't care about bullying, in fact I think they encourage it at times.

I've had to really learn to control my emotions at work. I've done this by learning to go what they call "grey rock" (Check out Christ Godinez on YouTube). Don't let them know what pushes your buttons, don't even give them a hint of how you are feeling because bullies will then latch on to this. They feed off negative emotions, so don't show any. Then you really need to learn to stop caring about what they think; this has helped me enormously. The bully is never going to like you, they don't like anyone, the people they have around them are people they can use - so people with similar tendencies to themselves (flying monkies). Don't get drawn into any dramas, just ignore them.

Ideally, you'd leave and find another job. But, like in my situation this isn't always possible. And, there are bullies everywhere, particularly in positions of power, so it's often just better to try and learn to cope with people like this. I avoid my bully as much as possible. When I do talk to her I do it in a very flat and unemotional way.

Your boss will probably be messing around with your shift pattern on purpose to see if it riles you. If you react, she will do it again in the future. The key is not to react, when you're dealing with a bully.

If she is being completely unreasonable put in a complaint higher up and leave it with them to sort out. Don't get drawn into to arguments with her.

Definitely just say to other people, when they come to you with their problems, they need to speak to someone higher up. You won't be able to solve anything in your position anyway. If they are being bullied too, encourage them (in private) to put in a complaint. The more people that complain about her the better.

Sorrry, that's Kris Godinez on YouTube, not Christ. I don't think Christ can help you , maybe he can if you are Christian.

You could phone ACAS for some advice, even though you're in a union - as you don't need to even give your name.

mindproject that really made me smile.
I will have a look on YouTube and your right she is s bully.

After breakfast there was a message on our work WhatsApp group reminding us all about the new shifts and it was rude so l have screen shot it and deleted the group as it isn’t mandatory we have a WhatsApp group as we don’t need communication outside work hours and it’s Sunday we have work emails we can check.