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Original poster

Would this annoy you-DH said he’d be home 2 hours ago?

22 replies

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 00:21

DH went out for a few drinks at 4pm. Phoned at 7 to say he’d be home by 10. I’ve just woken up and he’s not back. Got hold of him and he said he’d be another half an hour.

This wouldn’t annoy people usually would it? He’s had issues with drink before (not knowing his limit, getting steaming drunk to the point of being brought home in an ambulance). It’s been years since he did anything like that but I instantly start to panic.

It would just have been nice to wake up to a text saying ‘change of plan, be home later’. Instead of an empty bed which sets my heart racing as to what state he’s in.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 28/07/2019 00:26

Given his history, I wouldn't like it. Brought home in an ambulance? That is terrible!

Original poster

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 00:29

I know, it was awful, it very nearly broke us up. Almost 10 years later and I’m still not really over it. DH of course has no memory of it! He hasn’t put a foot wrong since but tonight has triggered that panic in me.

OP posts:

FreddiesMammy · 28/07/2019 00:31

It would annoy me too Op. See if he comes home in the next half hour though

MonChatEstMagnifique · 28/07/2019 00:31

I agree with you. We don't have many rules as such in our house but I expect OH and kids to just let me know if they are going to be later home than expected. I'm happy for them to be out doing something they want to do but I don't want to be wondering if something bad has happened as unlikely as that may be. A text takes seconds to send but stops me worrying.

I beg your husband is absolutely fine though, just drunk and not thinking. Annoying as it is, try not to worry and enjoy having the bed to yourself before he comes in drunk and starts talking crap before snoring. 🙄 Hope you get some sleep.

Original poster

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 00:33

It’s 40 minutes now since I spoke to him. He’s having a lift home with a friend so I do appreciate he can’t demand exactly what time they leave. I’m pissed off that he didn’t think to text me when it was clear they wouldn’t be home by 10.

OP posts:

Original poster

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 00:34

MonChatEstMagnifique thankyou, that’s exactly it. He didn’t sound particularly drunk on the phone (thankfully!).

OP posts:

NomDeQwerty · 28/07/2019 00:36

It would annoy me because it's just plain bad manners.

Original poster

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 00:38

He’s back,I can hear his fumbling with his keys.

OP posts:

Sparkledot · 28/07/2019 00:39

I would also be annoyed. Its not difficult to send a text

Doyouavocado · 28/07/2019 00:46

yea he should of messaged but he’s drunk, it’s Saturday night and not even 1am.

ems137 · 28/07/2019 00:46

Things like this do really annoy me. I always think, if you're not only going to be an hour then don't say it. Or at least when you notice the time just drop me a text and let me know the plans have changed

SinglePringle · 28/07/2019 01:00

TBF, when he phoned at 7 saying he’d be home at 10, I honestly would have been 🙄 purely because, ‘start at 4, call at 7, still going at 10, home at 1am’ would be my expectation.

I mean, I’m sure he believed he’d be home at 10 but if I (or he) were out properly drinking at 4, then I’d know it would roll on.

I wouldn’t be pissed off but that’s my relationship. I also quite like my BF when he comes home to mine a bit pissed ~with a kebab~

Original poster

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 01:07

SinglePringle you’re me 20 years ago but I’ve just got no patience for it anymore especially after what happened previously (and whilst that was the worst incident and the turning point, there were many other times when he got himself in a state).

Thankfully he’s not stupidly drunk, just enjoying himself and ‘didn’t think’ to text me. He’s on the sofa.

OP posts:

VenusTiger · 28/07/2019 01:29

@Aqueo517 if he was getting a lift back, he maybe didn’t want to hassle them to leave and waited for them to be ready to leave iyswim

notso · 28/07/2019 01:39

No it wouldn't bother me. My DH was going to be home 'early' which usually means 11/11:30 and is still not back.
It's easy done to have all good intentions of being home at a particular time but get sidetracked. I've done it many times.

hadthesnip2 · 28/07/2019 01:39

Doesnt matter if he's relying on a lift, it is common courtesy to ring your other half to say you are going to be latter than planned.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 28/07/2019 01:43

Glad he's home. Try to get some sleep now.

MoltonSilver · 28/07/2019 02:00

He hasn't put a foot wrong on 10 years. I think you're being a bit unfair.

A man getting annoyed because his wife was out later than expected wouldn't sit well with me. If the wife posted here she might be told he was controlling.

Original poster

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 08:43

MoltonSilver this is my worry, I don’t want to turn into some control freak but the ambulance incident really affected me badly. I woke up that night around 1am to several missed calls from the friends he was out with. I called them back and they told me they couldn’t find him. I said not to worry he’s probably bumped into someone else and got chatting. I then started trying to get hold of him. Half an hour later there’s a knock at the door,I go downstairs, look through the spy hole and it’s 2 police officers. In that moment I genuinely thought he was dead. I opened the door and they immediately told me he was ok, in an ambulance and they wanted to check I was in to look after him if the paramedics brought him straight home. He’d been found incoherent by the side of the road. I was so sick when they left from the shock of it, my whole body was shaking head to toe. This was the end point for me. Our children were 2 and 4 at the time. He’d done so much stuff over the years-losing his phone, getting on the wrong train, needing to be put to bed at a family wedding. He knew I was at the end of the line with it and it stopped that day but the damage was done and that night will never leave me.

10 years later a small thing like not getting that text triggers me off again. I don’t think I’ll ever trust him where alcohols concerned. He’s not a big drinker at all, very rarely drinks at home but on nights out he tries to keep up with his friends and can’t especially if they’re mixing their drinks. (He doesn’t do this anymore though, this was what was causing the problem 10 years ago).

Anyway, he’s very apologetic this morning. I just needed a perspective on if I was being reasonable to be annoyed with him or not. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

Brightfuture2019 · 28/07/2019 10:05

@Aqueo517 my dp used to do this all the time I'd be ringing hospitals and the police if he wasn't home by three I barely ever slept
The police have bought him home before. Then I had my DD and she needed me. Now I don't ring him at all, I don't check what time it is and I don't check my phone. He says I'm going out for an hour which can literally mean anything up to the following evening. I've kind of given up though and I know he doesn't care about me. So far since Friday morning I've seen him for about half an hour. (Other than the time he's been asleep). I've gone about everything totally wrong but this is the only way I can cope.

Original poster

Aqueo517 · 28/07/2019 11:34

Brightfuture2019 I’d suggest an ultimatum, you can’t live like that especially once you’ve got children. That was what did it for me, I wasn’t haven’t the kids around it. It certainly worked with DH, he realised he needed to change (apart from last night which was nothing really in comparison). He doesn’t hang out with the same friends anymore which has helped, they all still go on these stupid all day benders, now it’s more a few pints before a football match or a meal out as a couple.

OP posts:

longwayoff · 28/07/2019 12:46

What is it with some men? And I do mean men as most -all- women I know would text if delayed. Is it simply that they feel they shouldn't have to account for their time to anyone? This kind of unnecessary ignoring is bloody annoying. It ties up your own time while you hang around. Urgh. Makes me cross.

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