Advocate for SS visits?

[JoxerGoesToStuttgart]

No idea if this is a thing but here’s the situation if anyone can advise.

A friend who I consider to be quite vulnerable (has just left and abusive husband and I suspect has some mild LDs but no diagnosis) has got SS involvement right now. She is massively stressed by it and is finding the social worker and support worker really aggressive. She is very much not an assertive person and really struggles to articulate her thoughts. She says the SWs just talk at her and tell her what to do and her mind just goes into panic mode so she just nods and says ok and whenever they ask her why things aren’t done she just apologises and says she will do it. She doesn’t understand the reasons for a lot of what they aren’t telling her (she isn’t allowed shampoo on the side of her bath for example The reality is she is massively stressed, she has no support, her STBexH has just walked away from it all. I offered to sit with her during the SW visits to help her ask for clarification on things and basically just offer support. But she says no-one is allowed to be there for the visits.

So does anyone know if there is any sort of an advocate service that will support people during SW visits? Like a mckenzie friend but not for court, for visits. Her SW have now said they are considering pre proceedings which I assume means planning to remove her DC? I’m very concerned my friend just doesn’t understand what is being asked of her and risks losing her children as a result of this rather than her just being a shit parent. She isn’t. She is definitely struggling (and I have helped where I can) but just isn’t aware of what she is doing wrong.

I feel they are at that stage them the children must be under a child protection order and will have been so for some time. If they proceed further she will be allocated a solicitor to at on her behalf.

If, not I feel!

Looks like it's definitely a thing. This website seems to suggest that it is perfectly ok to have someone there.
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/advocacy/social-care-advocates/#.XTy_j7fTXpE

This site also makes mention of advocates in pre proceedings.

childprotectionresource.online/tag/pre-proceedings/

I wonder if your friend has been misinformed, has misunderstood, or is just so worried/embarrassed by the whole thing she doesn't want anyone else there

Good luck. She's lucky to have you.

I feel they are at that stage them the children must be under a child protection order

You see my friend doesn’t even know this! She doesn’t understand the stages they are at or the terms they are using. The thing is, she needs someone now to help prevent it going further. If she had someone now who could “translate” for her what SS are saying and put it into terms she can understand I think she would be in a far better position to prevent it going further.

I wonder if your friend has been misinformed, has misunderstood, or is just so worried/embarrassed by the whole thing she doesn't want anyone else there

It’s entirely possible. There were also issues in the past where someone else was there when SS were visiting and was actually really problematic. Caused a lot of problems so I think maybe that’s why SS have made this rule.

Thanks for the links tablecloth

There’s no reason why she can’t have someone with her, a friend or a formal advocate. It’s her home and her information she can share with anyone she likes. You may consider that she might not want a friend to hear some of what’s being discussed with and by social work so, as helpful as it might be, she may not want you there. It’s worth looking for an independent advocate, some domestic abuse services have advocates.

Your friend absolutely is allowed support. I've supported a friend through similar, and basically broke down things to help her understand in smaller chunks. Your friend having someone there to support her will be seen as a good thing.

It could be she feels ashamed and doesn't want people knowing but if you can be there and show a proactive unit then please try to convince her.......she may not even know she's allowed someone and is scared of doing the wrong thing.

Ok i have put to her the idea of a proper professional advocate and sent her the links above. I’ve also suggested she ask the social workers themselves about it. Not sure she will feel confident enough to do that. I think she needs someone there who has experience of this situation and knows how to support her. She knows how serious the situation is but I don’t think she is aware that her lack of understanding is really going against her and I don’t think (from what she is saying) the the SW are aware of how little she understands the process and language they are using. Hopefully she can get some support in soon. I’m very worried for her and the dc. I can help her practically with budgeting and other things but she isn’t very sure of what they are telling her. She says they are telling her one thing and then a different thing on the next visits and she doesn’t know what to do.

she may not even know she's allowed someone and is scared of doing the wrong thing.

When i offered to be there she said “no one is allowed to be in the house during the visits”. I think that maybe this is a result of the person who was there previously and maybe she has misunderstood what SS said about that. I think they might have meant just that person can’t be there. Or again, maybe it’s just embarrassment and doesn’t want me there. Which is totally fine and understandable.

If the people who were there previously were abusive that won't go in her favour at all. Having decent support could sway that massively. It shows she has good people around her too

Would she allow you to speak to her SW on the phone so you can explain and arrange to be there ??

Yes person was inappropriate during a visit and SS flagged it, person became very abusive and harassed SS on an ongoing basis after this. Friend still allowed person in the house. Myself and another friend had warned her about this person many times. She failed to set boundaries. It all came to an an obvious and predictable conclusion and person is now no longer involved with the family. Thankfully. Eventually.

I will suggest speaking with her SW on the phone.

Hi Joxer. I'm drunk now, but I regularly attend SS meetings. Happy to PM if that's helpful (when I'm sober!)

She can absolutely have someone with her. Most people do. Either their partner or a family member or a friend.

Also, all these meetings should be minuted and your friend should get a copy of these minutes. They will contain a "plan" (which will be gone through at each meeting), so your friend should have these that you (or someone) could look at with her.

Social workers (despite their reputations) do NOT want to take children away from their RP, so if SS are considering this (pre proceedings means they are) then things must be pretty bad. This means SS are telling her what to do and she's not doing it OR that other things are happening which are equally awful. The shampoo on the side of the bath thing... did a child nearly drink it? There MUST have been an incident if they're talking about it.

If SS are involved and they're telling you X is a problem and then they meet you again in 6 weeks (and have done visits in the meantime) and X is still happening and you're allowing/facilitating this then they will ramp it up. BUT what they want (need) to hear is that your friend is making positive changes.

Please PM me, I think I can help.

But, be aware, they may be privvy to more information than you have.

And keep in mind - they ONLY want to protect the children.