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Original poster

If you've found a pill...

21 replies

LexisBreaksThis · 27/07/2019 12:30

On your bedroom floor and it turns out to be Viagra and you have no knowledge of your dh taking this stuff or even needing it for that matter, and if he denies the pill being his or ever taking viagra what would you think?
Would you do anything about it?

To give a bit of context, only 2 other persons had been in our home in the past week, both female and both deny having or bringing viagra into our home.

OP posts:
MarieBaroneIsMyMom · 27/07/2019 12:32

Are you sure it’s Viagra and not a Smint?

legalseagull · 27/07/2019 12:33

@MarieBaroneIsMyMom Grin

legalseagull · 27/07/2019 12:34

If it definitely is a viagra it must be his. I would assume he was embarrassed

Original poster
LexisBreaksThis · 27/07/2019 12:35

Floor has been hoovered twice this week. There were people over for a couple of hours the week before but the carpet has been cleaned since.

OP posts:
Original poster
LexisBreaksThis · 27/07/2019 12:36

Definitely Viagra

OP posts:
MarieBaroneIsMyMom · 27/07/2019 12:36

I’m serious about the Smints!

If you've found a pill...
Original poster
LexisBreaksThis · 27/07/2019 12:41

See, I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. But can't be embarrassment because I don't think he needs it, quite the contrary?!
Surely after 20 years together he'd trust me to talk if there was a problem?
Also, there are some issues, he has done things in the past that led me believe he has cheated or at least planned to.
Discussions have been had, promises have been made. Relationship not great since.
He has obviously never admitted to anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
LexisBreaksThis · 27/07/2019 12:43

Marie, unfortunately not smints. I wish I could joke about it but I'm actually in pieces.

OP posts:
Soola · 27/07/2019 12:48

Possibly trod in on the bottom of a shoe but chances are a million to one.

I would say it’s his and he is lying. Reason for lying being that he’s not used it with you.

Original poster
LexisBreaksThis · 27/07/2019 12:58

Yes Soola, I know. He swears on everything under the sun that its not his but can't explain how it got there.
I'm not too sure how to move forward from here, I can't just break up the family because I think he's lying. I have no proof that he did anything even though inside I know this is the only explanation. And I've been feeling that something is off for a long time.
He's never away from home unless he's at work.
What do i do? I can't pretend it didn't happen, plus I am now totally paranoid.
I can't even talk to him anymore.
We have young kids.
In the past I've caught him on a sex chat/services/meet ups website, but he refused to give me access to his account. I was pregnant and loved him and I let it go. That was many years ago.
A year later I found a sex related items in his pocket, he claims he was planning to use that with me. Not true.

OP posts:
Soola · 27/07/2019 13:05

Awful situation to be in.

When I had a lot of circumstantial evidence my now ex was cheating on me I guessed his passwords and uncovered hard evidence of his infidelity on Facebook messenger and in his emails.

Undeniable proof which I say in for awhile and kept an eye on what he was doing behind my back whilst all the time him declaring love for me!

He sounds very devious and you have limited options.

MistyMinge2 · 27/07/2019 13:23

I'm really sorry, but given the other information you've provided I would strongly suspect he's up to no good.

I'd start some full on snooping and getting ducks in a row.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 27/07/2019 13:26

He's had chance after chance after chance... he blows them. You're not breaking up a home because you think he's lying; he'd have broken it by being utterly incapable of being faithful.

It doesn't sound like he has ever had enough respect for you to be honest even when you've found hard evidence; he just lies and ignores until you forgive him and move on, so you should make your next move presuming that he'll stick to that MO.

Pondering2019 · 27/07/2019 13:27

*But can't be embarrassment as I don't think he needs it quite the contrary?
*
I take this to mean that you have sex often and he has no difficulty in getting hard. But is it possible that that's because he has in fact been secretly taking it and doesn't want to admit that his performance with you is due to the viagra?

mackerelsandwich · 27/07/2019 13:28

When I found out my husband had been cheating, he never went any where other than work. I found out he wasn't at work when he said he was. Lied through his teeth and all while paying happy families

LittlefairyMum · 27/07/2019 13:39

I would act like I believed him and snoop like hell.

He's lying to your face OP and you know this Thanks

icebearforpresident · 27/07/2019 13:58

Pondering said exactly what I was thinking, his ‘get out’ in this scenario is to say they are his and been taking them without your knowledge. So the fact he’s denying it makes me think yes, it’s odd but not he’s not necessarily lying.

That being said, you are the only person here who knows your husband and you obviously have cause to be suspicious.

Original poster
LexisBreaksThis · 27/07/2019 15:28

littlefairymum
I know I have to. I don't know where to begin. I have full a cess to his phone and laptop, however, he is very technical (he works in IT) and then there's the Incognito function. So far I've not been too lucky.
Short of hiring a detective I have no clue where to start. I have no money of my own so that's that.

How much does a private detective charge, does anyone know?

OP posts:
Soola · 27/07/2019 15:37

You can do some sleuthing yourself.

Get the kids minded then his outside his work. See if he leaves with anyone and they linger by his car or walk off together to public transport looking more than just colleagues.

That’s a start.

However if he was meeting up with someone outside of work that’s going to be a lot harder.

Confirms is what you need to be looking for. If he’s having sex with you he’s going to be careful not to pass you a disease or even get someone pregnant.

But if he’s visiting a prostitute she’ll have her own supply.

legalseagull · 27/07/2019 19:59

If you say he doesn't need it with you, then why would he need it with anyone else? I wouldn't jump to the cheating conclusion. I might believe him if he had no problems getting an erection with you

IncrediblySadToo · 27/07/2019 20:08

Firstly you might have missed it with Hoover in the week, so maybe rethink who has visited

If he’s ‘not needed it’ with you then either he’s been taking it secretly with you or he could be telling the truth and it’s not his.

OTOH I know a guy who ‘doesn’t need it’ fircsex with his wife, but takes it when he’s seeing his FWB so he lasts a lot longer

It sounds like your DH has firm fir st Keats attempting to cheat & lying. Whether this is his or not maybe you need to really consider whether you want to be with him or not

I don’t think the poster was even remotely trying to be funny about the smints, they are remarkably similar

Take care of yourself (including getting tested!)

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