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Original poster

I want to go to somewhere remote and just scream

18 replies

Glitterpearl · 26/07/2019 23:41

I never understood why people on TV do this, and always wondered if people in real life ever do it. Never could see what it achieves.

I have been feeling so antsy and unsettled all day and have such an urge to just be standing on my own, in a field somewhere, just screaming as loud as I can. It probably wouldn't even help.

Do people do things like that?

I also had a shower recently with the sole purpose of being able to have a proper cry without anyone hearing me. So I guess I am already on the way to being a walking cliche.

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/07/2019 23:51

Not screaming but I sometimes watch something purely to have a good old snotty bawl.

"Walnuts Last Walk" was the last one

PurpleDaisies · 26/07/2019 23:52

I’ve gone somewhere intending to do this and ended up feeling ridiculous and coming home again.

What’s going on?

Original poster

Glitterpearl · 26/07/2019 23:55

Yes I have done that too many times. A good cry can really be a release.

It is just this screaming urge that is new. I don't know if its a sign that I need to go back to counselling (after 4 years being fine).

I looked up Walnut's Last Walk and I know I am not strong enough for that tonight at all. :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Glitterpearl · 27/07/2019 00:00

Yes, that is probably what would happen. I would feel self conscious and chicken out.

I am overwhelmed I think. This year has been hard. I suppose I forget about all of it, (I think I dissociate) and then I just have this panicky overwhelmed feeling and start thinking I am heading back into depression. But if I stop and really think about it all, my reaction is probably quite normal.

OP posts:

ithinkiammelting · 27/07/2019 01:06

Someone once told me that a good way of getting rid of the screaming abdabs is to find a cardboard box, put it on the floor and then jump up and down on it, yelling AARRRGGHHH!! or similar until it is completely squashed.

I've tried it several times. It works - I usually end up laughing and feel a whole lot better

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 27/07/2019 01:17

I don't know about screaming exactly, but I would say that "allowing your feelings to come out. Feeling what you feel" is VERY Important.

Being acknowledged is hugely important, I think.

Original poster

Glitterpearl · 27/07/2019 01:26

You may be on to something there Red.

I am surrounded by people but I feel so alone.

The cardboard box thing sounds just random enough to snap anyone out of a funky mood. :o

OP posts:

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 27/07/2019 02:24

Hugs to you, then @Glitterpearl.

Can you "let it out" on here? (NC maybe?)

Being alone is very, very hard. And being alone while being surrounded can be even harder.

Years ago I did counselling classes, which were all very big on letting emotions out. 30 years later, I make innocuous comments and my clients cry. It's kind-of seen as a bad thing. But I DO think people feel better afterwards.

Tavannach · 27/07/2019 02:35

When I'm stressed I find it helpful to lie on the floor, feet apart slightly further than your pelvis, shoulders down, arms by your sides but not touching them, and just breathe yourself into the floor. Just relax like that for five minutes and don't let any thoughts intrude.
Kind of the opposite of screaming so might not be what you're looking for.

SimonJT · 27/07/2019 02:43

Punching things works quite well, not people obviously.

Topseyt · 27/07/2019 02:53

My DD had a friend who would stand in the wardrobe and scream when stressed or with PMT.

chubbysquid · 27/07/2019 09:46

I scream into a pillow.

It hides the side remarkably well.

Mintjulia · 27/07/2019 09:48

I weed flower beds at the top of the garden & curse a lot

Anyonebut · 27/07/2019 10:00

Have a go at a pillow with a stick. If anyone asks, it's a new technique to make sure you get rid of "deep dust" and keep the pillows nice and fluffy 😉

Original poster

Glitterpearl · 27/07/2019 11:27

These all sound really good and I might try some later. Don't think I can fit in the wardrobe :o but hitting things with sticks I can get on board with.

I don't even know where to start in letting it all out. There are people who have it a lot worse than me so I feel silly. I am no contact with all of my family, so when I get into periods like this, the little voice in my head comes back to tell me that there is something wrong with me. That I have to be the problem because I am the common denominator. But I work endlessly at being a better person. I am always checking myself. Holding myself to account. And it never seems to be good enough. I don't know what people want from me.

This year so far my child's father has been admitted to hospital with suicidal thoughts, then the same child had to give evidence in an unrelated but very serious police investigation. I got a job, which caused endless problems with DH and my PILs to the point that DH asked me for a divorce. But it's OK coz he doesn't really want one. He just wanted to steal my thunder yet again. I have been single handedly planning our holiday, working, running around after the kids, sorting a million paperwork and bills types of things, while DH moans and fusses about the most insignificant bullshit.

PILs are a total PITA. Using childcare is wrong, they insist on helping, but then they change arrangements at the last minute and act like its all a massive ask, except we didn't fucking ask.

I'm work my boss told me to be more assertive. So I did. And now I have apparently been labelled as "difficult" by a male colleague and seem to be the butt of his jokes. Logically I know that it is because he is threatened by me, and he has a really bad attitude in general, and is sexist to boot, but it is now directly affecting my work because he has been bitching to others who I needed input from so they delayed and I had to go on ahead without them. Looks bad on me for being late with work but if I explain it I will look ridiculous.

And then my friend died. And I can't grieve openly because DH is a twat and will think that my grieving for a person I have known for 10 years more than I have known DH will be some sort of betrayal. Because men and women can't be "just" friends.

OP posts:

DragonNoodleCake · 27/07/2019 11:34

Anyone who ever tells you - you can't grieve the death of a friend needs to be told to do one. The rest is all shit and I feel for you for all of it, but this makes me hurt for you. I'm sorry for your loss.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 27/07/2019 11:52

All of that would make me want to scream too.

So sorry.

Your DH sounds v unsupportive. And if you could change your childcare arrangements sounds like that would help a lot. Head held high at work and for your loss

Original poster

Glitterpearl · 27/07/2019 12:00

My DH can be really supportive at times. For years he was nothing but supportive. But in the last year or so I have been branching out and becoming more than just a wife and mother and I think he feels worried that I will leave him, not realising that the way he is now acting will almost guarantee that I will, when I had no intention of it before.

OP posts:

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