Adhd

[Angie8]

I’m so sick and tired of people saying adhd is not a real thing it’s just an excuse for naughty children my son has it it is REAL it’s hard work on a daily basis any one agree ?

I agree. My DD1 was not naughty..ever.. she's a kind, funny and super bright girl... with ADHD, the attention span of a gnat and prone to wild flights of fancy . She was hard to pin down to work, has an very black and white sense of right and wrong (and if teachers WERE wrong she would not back down..she was polite but adamant!)

She went on meds at 6..came off them at 14 and then asked to go back on during her A levels as she finds it hard to concentrate. she's 27 now...and yes still on meds.

And..her ADHD has been a bonus in her career... she's a doctor, where being quick thinking, able to multi task and run a million thoughts through her head, has been a huge bonus.
But she is still absolutely infuriating to live with as she is so scatty, disorganised and untidy. Thank god she is married now :D

Me too - my eldest is in the process of getting a formal diagnosis of ADHD atm. He definitely is the disruptive element and also anxiety. He also has the black and white thinking @StillMedusa

It’s very hard to live with for me and my other DC, but even harder for him particularly at school. I think many of the teachers also just see him as a ‘naughty’ badly behaved boy.

And..her ADHD has been a bonus in her career... she's a doctor, where being quick thinking, able to multi task and run a million thoughts through her head, has been a huge bonus.

That's so inspiring to read - thank you. I have a 14 year old with ADHD and I do worry for his future.

I also have a MIL with ADHD and since I started understanding ADHD I've becoming much more understanding of why she does many of the things she does.

Understanding your child's unique abilities makes it easier to be the kind of parent they need IME.

I look back and think how little we really understood DD1. As well as ADHD she has strong autistic traits and very high levels of anxiety... and has battled anorexia too and after a massive relapse is now in recovery (with good support this time)

ADHD kids, are in my experience (and I work with special needs) often highly anxious and a lot of behaviours 'mask' the anxiety but often with turbulent results.
I'm extremely proud of my ADHD-er... she's had to battle herself all her life , and she has given us so much worry, but achieved so much. We were lucky that she knew what she wanted to be from an early age and chased her goal!

@StillMedusa

That is very interesting what you say about anxiety - I am convinced a lot of my DS’s seemingly difficult behaviour stems from that. I have to admit I worry so much for his future - socially as well as academically ( he is bright and very funny but struggles at school. Unfortunately he is not always polite!). It’s so great to hear about your daughter, that she has a job and is married.

I also try to remind myself that we all have struggles in life and even without adhd my DS’s life would not necessarily have been plain sailing!

I have never heard anyone say that. Who are hear people that are saying it?

My mum says it babysharkah. My sister said that the drugs to treat it just turn them into zombies.

I told them that that's bollocks! My dc1 has recently been diagnosed with add (not hyperactivity).

He isn't naughty or unkind - he wants so much to be liked. He thrives on praise and is so loving, polite and helpful. He's inventive - you should see the intricate and clever models he creates with his Lego.

He struggles so much at school because, although he's bright and loves learning, he can't concentrate for more than 5 minutes and hates writing for any prolonged period of time. He struggles to keep friends because they think he's "weird" because of all the daft noises, the out of nowhere comments, the need to follow the rules of any particular game and not being able to take turns.

He's started on 10mg medikinet and, so far, it seems to be helping. He's calm and much more focused but is still himself and still has his own little quirks. He certainly hasn't turned into a zombie.

StillMedusa your dd's story gives me hope for ds' future. The way you describe her as a child sounds so much like him, from the black & white thinking to the flights of fancy, the nonexistent attention span to the disorganisation (OMG his bedroom is atrocious, he's so forgetful and he can't stick to one task long enough to ever finish anything). I can't help but worry about him so much and wonder what his future will look like. Hopefully, now he's started on the medication it will help him in a similar way to your dd.

@SpeedyShutter - you have just described my son.....😭😭
We are 2 years into a 2.5 year wait for diagnosis.
I find parenting him exhausting and then feel terrible that I'm not supporting him enough.
I've just ordered the book "ADHD - living without brakes" which I was recommended by a lady I met in the park who also has a son with ADHD.

Yep, it's exhausting. Terrifying.

My son has phases, three monthly cycles of being horrendous and being great. I start to think that I have my shit together, he gets into another bad cycle and I doubt my parenting ability, everything I know to be true about him, and what both of our futures will look like.

He's funny, creative, intelligent. But he can't concentrate, swings on his chair, shouts out and does not fit into the school system. He's 12 and my aim for him and secondary school is not for him to get good grades, it's to get him through with his mental health intact when he has so many people telling him on a daily basis that he's wrong, he's naughty, he's disruptive, he's disrespectful (impulse control means he says what he thinks).

I just really hope he finds his place in the world as an adult, in a career where his differences will be an asset.

Solidarity to all other adhd parents. It's a slog. 🙌🏻

My 43 yr old DH was diagnosed last year and the meds have transformed his life (Type 2 Inattentive). Waiting to have 9 yr DS assessed now as I think it's likely he has the same. It's very much a real thing, massively affecting lives in all its forms. My DH has a good career but it's been a struggle for him to get to where he is. I'm so proud of him. I just want to make sure my son doesn't fall through the system in the same way.

Bloody hell Blueuggboots, 2.5 year wait?! Ds' teacher filled the form in in October after the 1st parents' evening in y3, we had the meeting in school the following month and ds was seen in the autism clinic before Christmas (the dr ruled that out although I do sometimes wonder if he has asd traits), did the Qb test in April and was diagnosed in early July. I thought that was a long wait.

I hope you get answers soon. It's awful not knowing either way, knowing there's something amiss but the school not being able to fund support for them because there's nothing on paper.

I might have a look at that book. I often feel like a failure - given my job (supply teacher) I feel I should know how to support ds and manage/help him manage his behaviour and emotions but I haven't a clue where to start.

Yep, 2.5 year waiting list.....just to be seen!
School have referred him for anger management and we've waiting for that since April....
I was told by a child psychologist when he was 3 that he wasn't autistic and didn't have ADHD but just needed time for his emotions to develop....yeah, thanks for that?! 🤬
He's incredibly bright. Has a massive issue with being right, following rules to the letter, everything is black and white. He's learning to recognise some sarcasm. He takes things literally. He's desperate to be liked and have friends but I worry this will lead to him being taken advantage of.
He's SO angry about everything.
The world ends if he gets something wrong...

That's rubbish! I really hope that you and your ds get seen soon. In the meantime, are there any parenting classes or adhd/asd support groups local to you who can help you to help him or who can help you fight to get seen more quickly?

Gosh all these descriptions are also my DS - even the good phases where you can’t help thinking phew maybe things are getting better, followed by the downturn. The intelligence and creativity and the being very sociable but impulse control/needing to be right making life friendships difficult.

I’ve also found his school very unwilling to consider him anything other than a naughty boy. The SENCO seems to have no idea about ADHD and says things like he seems to be doing it deliberately, he is still acadaemically achieving etc. He is only 7 but already has extremely low confidence due to being constantly told off/viewed negatively ( he started to refer to himself as ‘horrible x’ and say no matter how hard he tries he will never be good enough ). It’s heartbreaking. Plus the judgement from other parents which shouldn’t matter but makes life that bit harder.

And yet sometimes even at home he can be so difficult that he pushes me to my limits.

I’m really sorry for everyone that is going through this. It’s a really lonely path at times and the fear for DSs future can be overwhelming.

I have adhd and my son does too.

He struggled so much up to the age of 15 and after having a diagnosed of asd things went worse
His behaviour was terrible, his work was awful and it almost tore our family apart trying to cope.
Once he was was on the right meds he was great. He did pretty well at his GCSEs and went to college to do mechanics but dropped out and got a job in Maccies. He ended up a young dad but he's now doing an apprenticeship in retail management and is doing very well.

Thank you all for advice

The response of

"Well there are neurosurgeons, phycologists and neurologists that think it does exist after years of research. What papers and research and years of experience are you basing your opinion on?"

Tends to shut them up very quickly. Bonus if they avoid you after that too.

DS started meds earlier this year. He had previously been suspended over 20 times! School were less than supportive. He’s been sent home once since he started the meds. It’s been nothing short of miraculous for him.

@raffle - that is really interesting. I’m certainly not opposed to meds for my DS if needed.

Different meds work for different children. DS has tried 2 types, one works wonders, just slows him down a bit, allows him to concentrate. The other type totally zombified him, he would sit and stare out of the window for over an hour, doing and saying nothing.
If one type doesn't work, please be open to trying others