How do I teach resilience?

[Mummyofbabyandcats]

I have a dd, 2 . She is just a fun loving character however I have been wondering for sometime about resilience. It's something that pops up on MN often and it's importance.

It's something I don't think manage well at. All through life I've quit one thing or another and was bullied as a child. I take the passive approach.

So how do i teach my daughter resilience and to speak up for herself ?

I think it’s a combination of nature and nurture. Likely your fourth is different to her siblings, but also likely her position as younger sister to those particular 3 elder siblings has had some influence.

The sunflower idea is gruesome.

HeddaGarbled. Ahh, I worded my post oddly. Non resilient child is my second child. I thought she was a confident and resilient child but she’s turned out to be a not so resilient adult 🙁
I wouldn’t be surprised if resilience is part nature and part nature though. Most things are I suppose.

Sunflowers is dreadful, awful thing to do to child esp learning about nature. As is minimising feelings.

Cherry, very judgmental about dc running round in a pub at 10pm.

In places like Spain and Italy, generally people seem much kinder to children and are seen out much later with family groups. Your dc in pubs could be the one time they have missed strict routine!!

I also think being less hands on helps rather than micro managing their every single move or talking thru literally everything with them.

They need to find out what they need to do to cheer themselves up when unhappy. That it's fine to be broken hearted that something attacked the Robins nest, it's OK to be v sad and cry but that we can also choose to manage that and move on.

Also good to realise we don't need to stick stuff out sometimes!

It's great that she enjoys caring for the cats...buy some kittens and then, as soon as she gets attached to them, break their necks one a day...

Ooops my bad, that's sunflowers.

What a bloody stupid and cruel idea.

Heddagarbled I think you have struck on the most interesting thing there, how do we respond and do we let them breathe and be cross
It's something I'm trying to work on.

What I also do is try and share with mine when I have felt embarrassed or shy in situation but got on with it and it was OK.

Agree with most - the speaking up for yourself, and the resilience are 2 different things.
Also think the sunflower post is not nice.

Lots of really good advice on here though.
I think something I see on MN a lot, (with older dc than yours, OP) is parents jumping in too quickly, and 'doing everything for the dc' rather than asking them what they might be able to do / what might work to try to resolve whatever the issue is.

There is a good TEDX talk about resilience and how to build it by 2 psychologists.

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=%23&ved=2ahUKEwiK86ChwtnjAhWgTBUIHZYxBlwQwqsBMAB6BAgJEAU&usg=AOvVaw0VTJzWxrN8ZFOD4xbU2nov

I'm not convinced that routine is a good idea. I think that being flexible in your lifestyle is a form of resilience.
From a young age my DCs spent holidays away, first with relatives and later with strangers, with no or little contact with home. This increased their self confidence and independence.

The OPs little one is only 2, at that age predictability and routine are important for promoting healthy attachment which is a strong underpinning for resilience going forward. That doesn’t mean being rigid, so much as explaining what’s happening and why and being responsive to the child’s needs and emotions.

The capacity for flexibility starts with having a secure base to work from.