Would you say anything about this play date?

[neveragaininthislifetime]

Regular poster, NC as families will know this is me but I'd really like opinions so....

Dd is 7, and in a nutshell we've just had the play date from hell. Lots of different issues ending with my usually lovely neighbour coming round to complain about the noise and general behaviour.

So, we invited two of dd's friends Sophie and Amy. Sophie has been before several times and they are usually lovely together. I get on great with the parents, nice family all together. Amy is newish to the school and the three have been playing together a lot the last few weeks so I thought I'd invite both. Ok, big mistake, one at a time from now on.

But.... one of the main problems was that apparently Sophie and Amy have got a play date arranged at Sophie's house on Saturday. Dd is not invited. Not in itself an issue of course except that for the first couple of hours Sophie spent telling dd that she and Amy were best friends, were having a play date "just the two of us" and dd wasn't welcome. This led to them excluding dd today and even shutting her out of her own playroom. She was in tears and I had to have firm words with all the girls about all being friends together.

I know Sophie's mum will ask later if everything was ok because when her wife arrived to collect Sophie I was busy apologising to the neighbour. --Unrelated to the leaving out, they were throwing stones at my and his car.

Anyway, would you mention the fact that Sophie was excluding dd because of the play date on Saturday? Or just give a generic " oh they were all just a bit wild today" answer? Thanks!

I would tell her the truth. I would rather know if my child was behaving like that. Sophie's going to find herself with no friends at all pretty soon if she carries on.

I'd tell her about shutting your DD out of her playroom and also about throwing stones at cars. Why should she get away with that kind of behaviour.

I'd be honest. Nasty kids turn into vile teenagers!

I would also tell the truth.

Who was throwing stones? The play date children - I would definitely mention that.

I would probably also say I had to have a word with Sophie and Amy about not excluding anyone as they tried to lock DD out of her playroom and were being a bit mean about their meet up on Saturday. I wouldn’t make too big of a deal as it swings in roundabouts and your daughter will probably be their “best friend” next week.

They do sound like wotsits though - I would be annoyed and not in a rush to have them back

I would be honest.

I would absolutely be honest.

I would also tell her
What’s to be gained by saying nothing?

Def be honest. I would want to know.

I'd tell her too. Sophie has to learn that actions have consequences.

Who was throwing stones? The play date children - I would definitely mention that.

All 3 children, dd swears blind she didn't though as far as I know, I supervised so much more closely than I have done since she was about 4, but still I was clearing up their last mess when the stone throwing happened so I didn't see.

It will be a while before I invite any children round and then only one at a time I think.

I agree with other posters that I'd want to know if dd behaved like this..... just worried she'll think it's sour grapes as dd didn't get a return play date invite.

I would want to know, children can be so mean. The stones is just awful.

I would talj about the behaviour but leave out the bit about the playdate. only because you've already decided not to gave the 3 together again.

Sophie's mum may try and "do the right thing" by inviting your dd and you could be locked into inviting both everytime!

Sophie was being mean talking about it but its ok to have 1:1 playdates

No definitely say something. I would want to know.

I would mention it too.

Sophie was being mean talking about it but its ok to have 1:1 play dates*

Yes it is, I'm fine with the fact that they're having a play date just the two of them and Sophie's parents may well have intended to invite dd another time. That's not the issue, I did have a chat with Sophie and explain that whilst 1-1 play dates were lovely, using it to exclude another person and make them feel bad isn't really on.

My DD has 3 girls she classes as best friends and playdates are a logistical nightmare as if they play together one is always left out and if you arrange a one on one playdate the one left out always finds out the other two have got together without them.
My DD has just enjoyed a lovely day out with her friend Anna and her family and informed them she is having a sleepover with Rosie tomorrow.Anna was apparently livid and didn't speak to her all afternoon but her mum never mentioned this to me instead said the girls had a great time
Watching thread for wisdom.
I usually try to gloss over things in these situations.

I would tell her 100%.

I would say that it just didn’t go well today. Dd felt left out quite a bit and that all three were behaving terribly, which is unusual as Sophie and dd have never had/caused problems before.

I would want to know, and maybe say that in future you will also only have them one at a time. That overcomes the awkwardness of your dd not invited on Saturday. I would mention the excluding but more the misbehaving. Sophie's mother might be grateful for the advance notice so she knows to supervise more closely on Saturday.

Oh gosh @Atlasta it makes me feel weirdly a little bit better that it's not just me!!!

I would mention it and stress that the dynamics of the 3 of them was awkward and it led to some exclusion, which seemed to lead onto some more general bad behaviour, and you had to have words with all of them about being kind.

That leaves the other parents in the picture and if they want to ask more about it they will.

Well, for one thing, you can’t blame Sophie’s parents for only inviting one child to the next play date.

I think definitely say something simple about your DD being upset about being locked out of room by the girls. And then blame the heat for everything

What are you going to do?

What are you going to do?

I think something along the lines that @NoSquirrels suggested. Tell them but in a reasonably low key way. They are only 7 at the end of the day.

This led to them excluding dd today and even shutting her out of her own playroom. She was in tears and I had to have firm words with all the girls about all being friends together.

The excluding behaviour was horrible and you were right to axdress it directly and say something to the parents.

I know that it may have been prompted by the arrangements for Saturday but I just think mentioning the playdate could lead the parents to think you / or your dd was being jealous.

Saying that the guests pushing your dd out of the room etc.etc. would be my focus Its mean.