How to not be intimidating...

[Genvonklinkerhoffen]

Apparently I'm intimidating at work. I asked a trusted peer why that was, he said it's because I know lots of stuff

I'm fairly senior in the Army, the most senior woman in my organisation of about 150 people

What am I doing wrong?

Keyboard piled in, I meant to add that my boss is the only person senior to me. Apparently it's thought by my peers & some (not all) subordinates, that I'm intimidating.

Would they say the same about a man? Should you pretend not to know things?!

Sounds like your trusted peer finds women who know stuff intimidating.

It doesn't sound like you need to change anything.

Don't be a woman.

exactly this @hollowtalk

Honestly, tell him to bugger off, twat.

As no. 2 in army organisation of 150 I'd expect you to be intimidating...

Aaah, the great dichotomy of being a professional and capable woman.

Unfortunately, there is pretty much nothing you can do about this. You're intimidating because not only do you know stuff, but I'm guessing that aren't shy about answering questions or making your opinion known (as is appropriate at your level). You're supposed to preface every statement with, "I might be completely wrong" or "Just a thought I had".

There's no win here. On plus side, one assumes you wouldn't have reached this level if lots of people didn't see your competence as a virtue.

Also, quite frankly, being intimidating is not a bad thing >You're the boss. The only reason it's a concern is because as a woman you're supposed to be warm, f fuzzy and approachable. But frankly, most very senior people in every organisation i've worked for have been pretty intimidating.

And on a fictional basis, look at star fleet captains - they're by definition intimidating, inspiring respect while nonetheless maintaining a reputation for being completely protective of their crews!

I'd expect someone senior in the army to be intimidating, man or woman.

Surely you need to be a bit scary to have got so high in the Army?

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it, you're not there to wipe away the men's tears are you?

Ah, you're all fantastic.

You may have hit on something there...

Interesting as. Couple of other comments have been made that make me think the discomfort is to do with my sex and not my manner.

Just going to leave this here and tell you to keep on doing what you are doing, OP.

During a promotion process at work once, I had to get feedback from multiple internal clients which was then sent to my boss for review and discussion with me.

One comment was along lines of, "Bling is extremely good at her job, engages well with the team and has produced some great results. However, in xx situation, she made a point of ensuring that her work had led to certain outcomes which was unnecessary."

My boss, who clearly had previously just skimmed all the comment before I came in, got to the end of reading that out. Laughed out loud and said, "Ignore that. He'd never have said that if you were a man."

Argh, that's meaningless. I meant, "Made a point of ensuring that it was known that her work had led to certain outcomes..."

How very dare you know lots of stuff! Erase that 'lots of stuff' from your memory immediately!
Good for you for working your way up to your position x

I'd have thought being senior in the Army rather required you to be intimidating

I am nowhere like as senior but I also have been labelled as intimidating. I think this just means that boys feel threatened by my competence. Keep on doing!