Development 10 year old girl

[flowerpowerdenims]

Posting here rather than in preteens for traffic.

DD is turning 10 in a couple of weeks.

She has become quite clingy with me (which is not usual for her), often tearful, feels incredibly home sick at sleepovers and I had to pick her up late at night a few times.

She seems less carefree.

Is this a developmental phase?

She has also been mud, much more absent minded than usual recently and I have had to reprimand frequently her for quite selfish behaviour towards her younger brother as well as her family. I know she wants to please but seems entirely focused on herself. I feel bad for reprimanding her and wonder how I can parent her in a more positive way?

Please help!

*towards her younger brother as well as the rest of her family.

I am trying to understand what happens developmentally at this stage so that I can parent her better. She had a really good year at school but started becoming very tired, unfocused, sad and constantly teasing and annoying her younger brother in the last few weeks of the summer term.

Basically I feel we are stuck in a cycle of absent minded / thoughtless / self-centred behaviour from her to which I try to respond adequately but due to my frustration i more often than not end up berate her, much too often .

How to I stop nagging her without becoming 'permissive'. My own mother let me get away with so much and I had to teach myself some important life skills, manners etc. This as she herself grew up in a stifling home and swore she wouldn't be as strict as her own parents.

How can I stop critiquing her but still help her improve her table manner, manners towards other people (she is very inwards focused) etc. ext. just common life skills.

I would tell her off still but I would really focus on the positives she does. Do lots of praising. Maybe some rewards too, like a night of eating pizza or whatever and she gets to pick the movie night.

I don't remember dd doing anything like this but if your dd has suddenly become very tired, absent minded and sad it may be worth imo getting her checked out

Try reading 'Blame my brain' as it explains the brain changes that affect development at puberty.

It sounds like puberty hormones to me. I have boys, but a number of my friends have girls and I remember them being much more emotional at this age. There always seemed to be a lot of drama and tears over friendships too. Is she going up to secondary school next year?

Thank you for your thoughts

She normally has a tendency to be not self conscious hence eating in public in a slightly socially inappropriate way, e.g. continuing eating right in front of the teacher when teacher holds a speech at school event, excessively indulging in a hot chocolate at the bookshop e.g dipping biscuits and not minding when the drink goes everywhere and her mouth is full of chocolate.

Due to the above, I have to constantly and quite strongly tell her not to eat like that or telling her that she should have stopped eating when teacher gave her speech as it seemed disrespectful to stand right in front eating.... This must all sound weird and maybe i am wrong to pull her up on it.... I fear that it is my comments that have made her doubt herself? I don't know!

It's the absence mindedness that I berate her most for though and this sort of eating or mindlessly annoying her brother are examples. I suppose I feel bad as it make me quite cross so I am unsure whether I am responding appropriately or overly negative.