Why do people feel the need to be dickheads?!

[MrsScamander]

Walking through my local shopping centre and 2 wankers behind me felt it necessary to make comments about the "fat ass" walking in front of them.
Why do people feel the need to do this?! What joy does it bring them to be so nasty??

I'd already had the day from hell clothes shopping trying to find something suitable in this heat. I found nothing, either nothing fit or it looked hideous. Not to mention I had my kids with me, one of which hadn't had a nap all day and was grouchy as hell.

Why didn't I turn around and tell them to fuck off to the far side of fuck?! Instead I just kept walking, listening to them talk about just how fat my arse was until I turned into a shop and fought back tears all the way home.

My confidence is already at an all time low. So to the 2 wankstains who were so offended by my arse: FUCK OFF.

I'm sorry. This was really mean and of course you didn't feel you could say anything.

Just know that people who feel the need to do that are insecure, petty people.

And now order some lovely clothes online that you can try at home when you're relaxed :-)

Arseholes. Should of told them to kiss it.

People just feel the need to pass comment. I'm coming up for 30 and realised that comments made go over my head now. I used to go home and think obsessively about them but now I dont. Dont know what changed.

Think it's a combination of it's too hot, stress of clothes shopping (I hate it) you've been with little ones today, and you've been offended by two insensitive arseholes.

I prescribe a shower and large glass of something strongly spirited with some nice music.

Please do not give them any more head space.

If the people behind you were young they were probably perving on you. Fat tends to be a compliment now.

Could it have been phat as in 'pretty hot and tasty'?

Whenever I’ve called someone out on doing something like that it usually turns out they have a major insecurity of their own and are trying to put on a front and achieve a power trip. They will get very little satisfaction from it and don’t deserve any more of your time thinking on it. It wouldn’t have mattered what size you were, how tall you were or what you were wearing they were just out to make someone feel miserable to make themselves feel better and if they aren’t insecure and are just born twats I hope karma slaps them in the face

Bloody hell - you deserve some sort of award to go shopping with 2 kids in this heat!

They are absolute wankstains who just decided to target a person (any person) and criticise the first thing they noticed about them - in this case, your bum. But this is not because there's anything wrong with it, but because there's something wrong with them.

And anyway, someone's big bum is another person's perfect bum. I have definitely got "junk in the trunk" and am super proud of my arse 😁

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What a nasty pair. Don't beat yourself up about not saying anything, I doubt a lot of people wouldn't have either. It's intimidating.
Maybe try and do/eat/drink something that makes you feel better? A long soak in a bath maybe, or and ice cream in this heat.

Because they're deeply miserable and lead unfulfilled lives and the only thing their one cell can think of doing to hide their misery is to put someone else down in the hope it'll lift them up for a moment. It doesn't work. They've gone home to their sad dreary lives all the same. They're usually very stupid and will do it again to someone else, doesn't matter who. Unfortunately today it was you. Nothing you did or didn't do, you were just in the thick idiot's eye line.

Some prick walked behind me once saying I had a fat arse, I was a size 8 at the time. They're just pathetic bullies.

You didn't say anything because you can't reason or argue with stupid and it would've shown them it'd got to you. Glad you didn't give them the satisfaction.

Pay them no heed petal. Be glad you're a good decent person and that you're not them.

It definitely wasn't a compliment, I'm a size 20 so my arse is indeed huge.

It's just so bloody upsetting/frustrating because I've already lost quite a lot of weight but clearly I'm still fair game for someone to poke fun at.

I wish I wasn't so bothered by it, but I've had a lifetime of nasty comments about my weight, including by my own family so it's always been an issue for me and I have no confidence when it comes to how I look.

I'll pick myself up, dust myself off and forget about it after I've had a good old wallow in self pity

Go with your instinct next time and tick them off, preferably in front of an audience so to give them maximum awkwardness. As for why they do it? Because more than likely they have a miserable existence so they get their kicks from laughing at others. Yes, dickheads.

And god clothes shopping is the worst on the best of days! Let alone with 2 dc in tow in this heat. I'm bloody impressed you did it. I much much prefer shopping online these days, maybe when you're feeling better you can try that. Lovely Autumn clothes will be in the shops soon too, none of this wafty, suits no-one Summer bollocks.

This is why eavesdropping, or even just paying attention to the conversations of others is a bad idea.

There will always be people who do not like how you look - whether it is things about your appearance that are under your voluntary control or not.

I think your comment about picking yourself up,and spdusting yourself down are spot on. We can be caught unawares by other people's unvarnished opinions at any time (I can remember hearing a convo in the bogs that I shouldn't have done, as they didn't know I was in a cubicle) and it showed how little people I thought I was on reasonably friendly terms with, simply did not like me and found me irritating.

Not nice to hear, but it was their view and people are allowed to talk about their views.

Which is why it is worth simply accepting they did it, that all it is is their view, that your worth is not measured by their gaze

I would have avoided the clothes shopping but I have one pair of trousers that are a thin material and one t-shirt, all my other clothes are jeans and thick tops to cover up

I'll try online shopping next time!

Thank you everyone, you have cheered me up

It's a form of bigotry, just as racism is. If you heard someone making loud racist comments behind a black person, I'm going to assume you wouldn't think that said anything about the black person, and everything about the racist, right? Well, what's the difference? In what way does your weight say a thing about who you are as a person, or what value you have to the world? In what way is it okay for someone to belittle and jeer at a person for something so irrelevant to their worth as a human being?

It isn't about you. It's about them. And it says that they are fucking ugly in personality.

Hope you're having a nice cold drink now 🍸 You've definitely earned it.

Happy secure people don't need to bring others down so just pity them that they need to stoop that low to get their kicks. They're probably projecting their own insecurities onto you and there's only one thing men are insecure about so remember your bum can always get smaller but their penises will always be minuscule. Have a vino and be kind to yourself always

Forget them Op - and work that booty! You sound lovely and that’s what matters

@MrsScamander I highly recommend Pretty Little Thing. Free returns via Asda, courier or Post Office. Up to size 26. The sales are constant, serious bargains.

Yes, you should pity them - they are probably deeply insecure. In reality, they are vile shits and what a pity there wasn't an opportunity for you to trip them up.

Hope you are ok.
Been there and in front of kids/friends is just doubly upsetting when you already feel low about it.
Don't let it get you down, everyone is different and you've done well to lose weight to get where you are.
Personally think it's good you didn't confront those people - might be BU but in this day and age you don't know how they'd react. Could've got nasty. Sending good thoughts x

You are all lovely, you know that? I feel like I need some mumsnetter friends in real life because I don't really have any friends who's shoulder I could cry on.

Told DP what happened last night and had a good old cry (I couldn't help it!) and today I'm feeling much better 😊 dragged myself back to the gym after a 2 week break and ran 13 minutes without stopping when the last time I went I could only make it to 8. Feeling much more positive today 👍

Well done. At least you're being proactive to make changes. Wish I could run 13mins non stop!!! Go you!

Were they male OP? Assume so from the word 'wanker' though might be wrong. If not, I'm quite shocked that no one has talked about this in terms of sex . There's another thread running about women being told to smile love and not many people there are talking about it in terms of misogyny either. I'd say that both these incidents were men shaming women and making them conscious of their vulnerability in order to keep women as a class in their box. When I was first on MN ten yrs ago this would have been a given. I think feminism has really dropped the balll

It’s just rude, end off.. No one should be making personal comments about anyone. The rule is if they can’t sort it within 5 minutes don’t mention It.
You are not rude so please don’t feel bad about not telling them to fuck off.Although it never hurts to remind people they are upsetting you..

You do sound miserable about the weight. Unlike being black or old or disabled you can be thin. Your earned your arse so either embrace it and not worry or change it. Kim Kardashian’s arse looks really weird to me but she’s made a bloody fortune from it. So body confidence has to come from you first.