Dad moving away

[elbingro]

Hi there,
So here is my story, I’ll try and keep it as short as possible.
I met my husband ( soon to be ex) in the UK, we are both different nationalities so UK was not our hime country. I moved there over 10 years and made it my home, got a job, made friends and felt very settled.
My husband and I started a family and we have two amazing kids under the age of 6.
Soon after the birth of our second baby, my husband was offered a job in a country similar in language and culture to his hime country and moved there despite my objections.
Me and the kids stayed put for a couple of years and he would commute once a month to see us.
When my eldest reached the age to start school, I made the decision to join my husband so the kids can be with their father and us to work on our family life that has been pretty damaged by the distance.
I need to add that my husband behaved in a very disrespectful manner towards me from the point when I had reservations about a sudden move months after the birth of our second child ( I was left to look after two children under the age of 2 all by myself with no support as my husband was away at least 12 hours a day).
I and the kids joined my husband last year but unfortunately, he didnt put enough effort into mending out marriage and he filed for divorce 4 months after our move.
However, I decided to remain with the kids in the country so the kids can see their father more than they would have if we relocated back to the UK.
Now, my husband has informed he has been for a job interview in his home country and he plans on moving there and see the kids once a month and holidays.
I tried to pursuade him to re-think his decision and join us back in the UK where we could both have the potential to have good jobs to support ourselves and be there for the kids to share parenting responsibilities.
His suggestion is for myself and the kids to move to his home country “if I am so concern about the affect of his move will have on the kids”.
Bear in mind I don’t speak the language, have no work experience in his country, no support network, my chances of getting a job in the field I am qualified are very slim due to language barrier.
I have tried so hard to make him reconsider his decision based on the fact that if he moves away from the kids, this will have a major impact on them and their emotional wellbeing, it will break their little hearts and I feel so helpless.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I follow him with the kids and hope for the best even if that means I would struggle to support myself financially or should I just pack and move back to the UK with the kids where we can move on with our lives?
I am so torn apart and heartbroken for my kids, I am constantly worried about them and confused about what is the best and selfless decision to make in this situation.

Move back to the UK.

What happens when he moves country again? Do you uproot your children and blindly follow him? Build a stable life for them in the UK, and give him the opportunity to visit.

Do you have the right to live and work in the UK?

Hi, thank you for your replies. Yes, I have the right to work and live in the UK, got my citizenship a few years ago and the kids too.

He is the one who is making the decision to move to a different country than the one that you are residing in now. He clearly has no concerns about how the move will affect his relationship with his children. Do not let him emotionally blackmail you into following him and moving to a country where you have no support system, do not speak the native language and would find it difficult to financially support yourself. If you did move to his home country and it didn't work out it is likely he could legally prevent you from moving to the UK with your children and you would be stuck there.

I would see if he gets the job and let him move, I would then relocate back to the UK. He couldn't really stop you if he has already moved to a different country himself.

YANBU. To be honest it sound like he's actively avoiding being around your children. He doesn't want to parent. I would do everything you can to make your life as easy as possible.

Thank you all for your messages.
I find it very difficult to comprehend and accept his decision of moving away from the kids with the risk of damaging his relationship with them but most importantly the affect it will have on the kids, short and long term. The kids adore their dad and they will be devastated when the time will come for him to leave.
I moved here with the kids to be a family and support him and I feel so betrayed.
I feel angry but at the same time I am trying to manage the situation the best that I can and put the kids first. I feel he is incredibly selfish.
In practical terms, it would be easier for him to move back to the UK where he can have a great career in London as he did for 15 years before leaving compared to the life I would have if I moved to his home country.
I suggested he moved back with us until the kids get a bit older, he could visit his family as often as he wishes (financially, he can afford to visit them every weekend if he wanted) and move when the kids are more independent and they have established a strong bond with them.
It’s very sad really he chooses to miss the most precious years in our kids lives and I feel I need to be strong and support them through this difficult time and make them feel they are loved.

Face up to it. He doesn't want you, and he doesn't want the kids either. Come back to the UK where at least you all speak the language and you can work. Certainly don't trail round the world following him around.

If I was in your situation I would choose a country to live in (probably one in the UK), move, find a job, give your dc a chance to settle in school and make some friends. Plant some roots for yourself and concentrate on your family and friendships.

Your ex could choose to move country every couple of years, would you move every time so your dc can follow him? They'd be leaving their friends and school every time and would have no stability. You would have to find a new job every time.

What if you eventually found a new partner, would you leave him to follow the ex? Would you want him to leave his country and come with you? If he had children would you expect him to take them with you and leave their mum behind? Would she have to follow so she could see her children? Lots of people could end up being affected if you follow the ex now.

Find a place to start your new life, settle down and give you and your children some stability. If their dad wants to see them that is his choice to make and he will have to organise that, either by moving to the country they live in or making regular visits.