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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

15 replies

Sarsyk · 22/07/2019 22:22

So last saturday I was out with my partner, his two children from a previous relationship and our baby that we had together. We was on a walk and baby started getting a bit stressy. So I got him out the pram and was carrying him. My partners daughter who is 9 was talking to him and then she slapped the baby on the head! For no reason. I told her off and she just grinned at me. My partner didn't say a word? Said that I'd told her off that there was no point him saying anything? She didn't apologise and just carried on like normal. Baby is only 14 weeks. She does behave badly most the time a few weeks ago she spat at her older brother. But I don't really want her around the baby now? I don't know what to do?

OP posts:

Parsnippy · 22/07/2019 22:32

What do you mean slapped him on the head? Do you mean a proper slap or the way a child annoyingly taps someone whilst making a silly noise almost as a sign of affection. My kids do that anyway. Like a pat? Do you mean a pat? I can't really imagine a 9 year old actually hitting a small baby.

Original poster

Sarsyk · 22/07/2019 23:11

I mean like a slap. I don't know why? My partner keeps saying it was a mistake? But it really got to me. His attitude towards it aswell is really bugging me. Baby was ok just looked a bit stunned. I tried to explain about how their heads are delicate etc. But she really wasn't bothered.

OP posts:

CrispSandwiches19 · 22/07/2019 23:15

She's 9 it was not a Mistake and I would of punished her. Your dp. Should of took responsibility too and told her.

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Finfintytint · 22/07/2019 23:18

Christ. A 9 year old slapping a baby? Serious issues there. Where does the 9 year old get that from?

Original poster

Sarsyk · 22/07/2019 23:24

I just don't know what to do? He's got her again at the weekend?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sarsyk · 22/07/2019 23:25

And the thought of it fills me with dread :/

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 22/07/2019 23:26

How can he say a mistake? Unless she tripped and hit baby it’s deliberate, nasty little shit. Your DH needs to deal with this or she doesn’t come near the baby.

Finfintytint · 22/07/2019 23:28

The 9 year old needs full supervision and can't be left to allow this to happen again. What are her family circumstances ? Does she see violence as normal?

Herocomplex · 22/07/2019 23:33

Is there a possibility she’s a bit jealous of the baby and doesn’t really know how to express it? Of course she shouldn’t have hit the baby, but isn’t it better to ask her quietly about what happened?

Original poster

Sarsyk · 22/07/2019 23:38

She lives with her mother and brother who's 12. Partner always drops them off at the pub and I don't really know what happens there. But she's always doing stuff and doesn't listen when she gets told off, she just grins. I'm so annoyed when he keeps saying it was an accident/mistake. Then says what can he do, that he hardly sees them. I feel like he's putting her first and not our baby and his safety. And now I'm dreading saturday. I dont really know what I can do? I feel like I need to keep the baby away from her. And it's making me feel like I can't trust my partner to look after him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sarsyk · 22/07/2019 23:39

Cos he just wants to carry on like nothing happened and says she has learnt her lesson? When I don't think she was bothered at all.

OP posts:

Herocomplex · 22/07/2019 23:47

It sounds like she’s looking for attention, even if it’s negative. I think you’re right her Dad needs to have a chat with her, but find out if something’s bothering her. It would be much better for you if she and the baby were happy together?

Soola · 23/07/2019 01:04

Classic case of dad feeling guilty about ‘leaving’ his children and starting a new family. He will make every excuse for the child’s bad behaviour as he doesn’t want to tell her off because of the guilt and fear she won’t want to see him.

Far easier for him to let you be the ‘evil’ stepmother.

He needs to step up as by not disciplining her he’s doing her a great disservice by allowing her to behave badly.

Of course she may feel insecure about the baby stepbrother but at 9 is capable of manipulation and understanding that her parents don’t want to tell her off so she’s going to push the boundaries and take it out on you and the baby.

snitzelvoncrumb · 23/07/2019 01:11

If dad won't do anything about it you are going to have to. She is probably feeling a bit insecure, can you plan something special for them to do together, each child can have some one on one time with dad?
I would have a chat with her about what happened and how she is feeling, I would try to keep the baby away from the other kids as much as possible.

jellycatspyjamas · 23/07/2019 03:29

If you’ve told her off, I’d not be going back now with some form of punishment because too much time has passed for her to make the link between the behaviour and the punishment now.

You do need to agree with your partner going forward what the house rules are and how he will discipline his kids. I’d be trying to draw the 9 year old in thought rather than pushing her away - there’s so much in what you’ve said that screams concern for her, though of course you need to also keep your little one safe.

Can you supervise her around the baby, invite her to help but watch her/intervene? It’s not at all ok that she hit such a tiny child, but she’s also still quite young with a huge change to her family - pushing her away will do more harm than good.

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