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Original poster

Being friends with child's teacher?

17 replies

airforsharon · 22/07/2019 16:10

Just after some advice please! Dc finishes Y5 this week. She has mild SEN, so i've spent quite a bit of time with her teacher this year, and we get on really well. We live in different towns & don't see each other outside of school, though i know we have a few things in common. She's always struck me as someone I'd like to be friends with but tbh have felt awkward saying 'fancy meeting up for a dog walk?' or something, in case, as dc's teacher - though soon to be ex teacher - that wouldn't be something she'd do.
I should add i'm generally socially inept :D and find initiating friendships tricky - and I don't want to put her on the spot. Any advice on what to say, or is it something best avoided?

OP posts:

Soola · 22/07/2019 16:23

What about writing a message in a thank you card if you feel awkward about saying anything?

‘Thank you for all your help this year, you’ve been a great teacher and a huge support to me.

My number is xxxxx xxxxxx if you want to meet up for a coffee over the holidays.’

PinkFlowerFairy · 22/07/2019 16:25

I dont think Id ever meet with a parent socially unless I already knew them. Or Id worry they were "interested."

I am pretty socially inept though :(

Original poster

airforsharon · 22/07/2019 16:32

Soola like a nit i gave her a thank you card on Friday, and it didn't occur to me then!

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Original poster

airforsharon · 22/07/2019 21:25

I'm not interested, 'interested' I just like her hugely, she's good company. If we'd met anywhere else i'm sure i'd happily have suggested coffee/beer/dog walk - just a bit bothered that as she's taught DD it wouldn't be 'the done thing'.

This is one of those times I wish was much more breezy & self confident!

OP posts:

LolaSmiles · 22/07/2019 21:30

I wouldn't befriend a parent I met through work as it blurs boundaries for me.

If I meet someone through friends or a club and they happen to be the parent of a child in my school then that doesn't bother me.

Original poster

airforsharon · 22/07/2019 21:59

Ok Lola thanks, the whole boundaries thing is really what i'm bothered about

OP posts:

TeenTimesTwo · 22/07/2019 22:01

I think you should at least wait until she leaves the school.

Teachermaths · 22/07/2019 22:04

I agree with Lola. I'd never actively befriend a parent if the only way I knew them was through school. However meeting someone elsewhere and then finding out their child goes to the school is different.

Boundaries get blurred very quickly and it could put the teacher in an awkward position if she doesn't want to know you socially.

Troels · 22/07/2019 22:10

I was friends with Ds's teacher for about 15 years until we moved. She was Dd's teacher too, but about 10 years later.
There was a group of us, we did all see each other outside school, Even did Christmas stuff at her and her partners house. Lots of fun. She had taught all our kids over the years. Hope you wrote her a note with contact info incase she doesn't have access to it.

midsummabreak · 22/07/2019 22:12

What are your shared interests? I would join a club to meet with others with those interests. As you met through school , she would not be able to pusue a friendship

sideorderofchips · 22/07/2019 22:14

I’m good friends with my eldest ex year five teacher. We meet up for coffees

PonderingPanda · 22/07/2019 22:15

I wouldn't cross the professional barrier if l was that teacher. I think it would come across as very odd if you tried to strike up a friendship with her at this stage.

I am "friends" with some of DS primary teachers but he left many years ago and ut was something that developed over years and by having ds2 then attend the school.

Hold back for now and just see where yr relationship goes when you don't have the contact with her next year

Original poster

airforsharon · 22/07/2019 22:16

Troels I gave her a thank you card Friday but didn't think to include a contact number. She's phoned me from school a couple of times, but I assumed she was in the office so she had access to it there.

OP posts:

Original poster

airforsharon · 22/07/2019 22:19

sideorder how did the friendship start up? Did you only know each other through school?

It's interesting most are saying it's not a good idea - I am taking that on board. I don't want to make things awkward if her reaction would be 'hell no', though contact at school next Sept will be minimal.

OP posts:

MotherOfSoupDragons · 22/07/2019 22:37

Wait until DD has left the school. Guidelines around behaviour expected of all school staff mean it's frowned on for a staff member to form a friendship or other relationship with a parent of a child in their school. It's ok if they know each other from outside school, but the friendship should still be declared.

Hadenoughofitall441 · 22/07/2019 22:46

I’m the same with DS teacher, he’s leaving, he has asd, we have a lot of things in common. But I don’t just wanna casually stroll up and ask her to hang out. I’m not that type of person, I usually keep myself to myself but had a lot of contact with her due to DS needs.

Original poster

airforsharon · 22/07/2019 23:39

hadenough same here, i'm not the most sociable person. I have some good friends but if I think about it, i'm not sure how any of them actually came to be friends :D Just happened over time I suppose. But there's an element of 'strike while the iron's hot' with this, because after tomorrow I won't really see her, at least not regularly.

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