How can I calm the fuck down (driving test)

[PinotAndPlaydough]

So this morning I failed another driving test, I can drive I just can not manage my nerves. I’ve had beta blockers from the go, I’ve used over the counter stuff, I try and control my breathing but I’m just a mess.

My mind also seems to switch off, today I messed up a parallel park, my brain just shut down and I couldn’t for the life of me work out how to correct it.

It’s so expensive to learn and take tests and I’ve been doing it for 2.5 years now! I have to learn, I won’t go into all the reasons why but I do have to do this.

Is there anything other than the usual stuff or am I just going to have to keep going at it and hope one day I manage it .

I was in the exact same situation and had to just give up as couldn’t afford to keep trying. It’s infuriating as I always drove really well during my lessons but would fuck up big time on every test due to nerves and my mind going blank. I hate not being able to drive as it can be so inconvenient where I live but I was getting into debt with it.
Hopefully someone will come along with some helpful advise but you have my full sympathy

Eventually you will fail enough times that it really seems immaterial whether you have to do another test or not. Then you will relax enough to pass. That’s how it worked for me anyway (3rd attempt).

I suppose you could try some kind of CBT or visualisation techniques?

How many times have you failed?
When I did my test I just chatted away to the instructor about anything and everything so it was like having a friend or colleague in the car and didn't feel so "testy".

I took 3 times to pass my test and it actually took another driver making a huge mistake that calmed me down as I thought, this person has passed and is still making mistakes

I was the same, terror-stricken, but passed in my late twenties.
My driving instructor said in passing ‘ you drive far above the expected standard of the test’, and I realised I’d never really taken that on board before.
Then my friend said that I just needed to decide I was a driver, ‘stop fannying about’ were her actual words.
I don’t know why those things changed my view but my nerves reduced enough to get me through. I still didn’t believe it when I passed though.
But do you actually need to drive? How would you feel if you just didn’t do it anymore?

Re-reading your post I see that you need to. Look at a way to change that to want to.

There were a few things that really helped me:

(1) I decided I didn't care if I passed or not. The worst that could happen was I'd have to book another test. I refused to put pressure on myself. If I failed one test, I decided, it would be good practice for the next one.

(2) My instructor told me to stop thinking of myself as a learner and start thinking of myself as a driver. I could drive better than half the idiots on the road who actually had their driving licences.

(3) From the very beginning of the test I pretended the examiner was someone I vaguely knew who I was giving a lift home to and he was giving me directions.

I failed my test 6 times (I think - I lost track as I took them quite far apart from each other!) my suggestions are:

Would it help to change instructors? The second one I had (after a long gap of no lessons) was a perfectly decent instructor, but his manner had been putting me on edge and he didn’t seem to understand why I had difficulty with certain driving skills. When I changed instructors, the new one was much kinder and more patient, and he explained manoeuvres in a way that helped me understand them better.

Could you try a different area/test centre? I was originally learning near a big city and some of the roads near the test centre were quite daunting to me - when I moved house to a different part of the country, the area covered by the driving test was much more manageable for me (I realise this won’t be possible for everyone, but sometimes people have a choice between a few test centres and areas nearby).

After changing these two things, I passed on my very next test. It may also just be that you will eventually have a test where everything aligns so that you don’t make any silly mistakes on the day and you will pass! I nearly passed on my third test but made one silly mistake that I had never made in any of my lessons, so a lot of it is down to the circumstances/traffic on the day as well.

Oh and one other suggestion - ask your instructor to give you a mock test if they don’t already! Neither of my previous instructors had ever done this for me and it helped me see that I could actually pass a test and not just manage driving lessons!

My instructor is lovely and very patient, there are just some things I can not get to stick and she’s researched different ways of teaching me and everything.

Really I don’t care how many times I fail but I do care about the money! A mock test is a really good idea I’m going to suggest that.

Glad to hear you have a good instructor, that is definitely half the battle. If you’re capable in lessons then you’re capable on the road and you must be a decent driver, so don’t give up! I’m sure you already do this but I would also suggest booking your tests early on and/or at times of the day when traffic is nice and quiet - early tests mean you’re not sitting around all day worrying about it and getting worked up.

My instructor never did this for me because nerves wasn't my problem (basic sense of direction was...), but he said for nervous test-takers he'd book their test for them at one of their regular lesson times, and just have them drive to the test centre without prior warning.

It sounded risky to me but he was a great instructor and swore it worked because there wasn't enough time to get worked up.

Ask your GP for beta blockers. I failed 3 times and this totally calmed my body’s physical reactions to the anxiety, allowing me to pass.

Look into CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) really helped me conquer my anxiety.

I got out thru a referral from my GP which took 3 months wait and 8 week course but there's a few books out there

Good luck!

What worked for me during a stressful period where I could feel myself "fizzing" with stress and that I couldn't think straight was pure and simple exercise. A good long walk. After a while you start to feel very calm and mellow deep down. It really is amazing.
I can also sympathise with the driving. It took me a very long time to master it - 80 hours of tuition and 4 years of driving with DH. But after a while it all falls into place. It just takes longer for some than for others.

I’ve had beta blockers, they help with the physical side it’s the brain fog that was the biggest issue this time.

I’ve never explored cbt I might head to the library and have a look at some books.

I do feel for you. It took me 5 attempts, I can do everything else and this was a shock and stressful that I just couldn't pass the fecking test.

Tbh I only passed in the end due to taking far too many beta blockers compared to what I was meant to. Completely not advised and probs would not work for your situation anyway- but solidarity.

Things that worked for me...
Test same time as my lesson was.
Mock tests between tests.. my instructor would do a lesson with another instructors pupil while he did my mock tests
Not telling anyone it was my test took away pressure
I actually told the examiner I was so nervous I felt I couldn't breathe. He looked at me and smiled and literally just made small talk with me all the way around.