how to cope at social events - shy

[EleanorReally]

nearly chickened out of a recent event.
i tend to have a drink to help but then feel embarrassed about that

what's the cure ?

Have a think about the bits that make you worried. Is it the chatting, the not chatting, the going in the door at the start, the potential to drop food down your front? Break it down. Once you know the bits that have you the most worried, come up with a strategy, prepare a script, practice in the mirror at home before you go, arrange to meet a friend at the pub and go over together, eat before and dont eat at the event etc etc

For example i used to hate making phone calls, i worked out I was worried i wouldnt be able to get my point across. So I would practice a script before i picked up the phone. It helped

The chatting, small talk, smiling

Counter intuitive but my tip is to get there early, be the first person there. Then you can talk to the next person who arrives. Much less daunting than joining a big group of people who are already engrossed in conversations.

Agree with RhymesWithOrange. Get there early and start chatting in smaller groups. Practice remembering names (there's lots of tips online), then you can also be the one who introduces people to each other. Also fake it till you make it - pretend to be a more confident person than you are and the confidence on the inside will grow.
Also don't drink too much. I usually stick to just one drink and hold onto it for the rest of the time so that I have something to do with my hands

fake it, ? sounds good

You dont need to smile, just dont scowl

Before you go, think of about 5 or 6 topics of conversation you could start.

The weather, do you have any holidays planned? What do you think will happen with Iran over this tanker situation, do you have any kids, how old, are they looking forward to summer holidays, how do you know the host, I like your shirt/shoes/bag where did you get it from.

Get a little piece of paper and write a prompt for each one on it, add any names of people you should remember and when you get to the party tuck the paper somewhere easy to get to.

If you get stuck for conversation, pop to the loo or refill your drink or step out for a breath of fresh air and scan the paper.

Then dont stay talking to one person for too long, be a butterfly as you can have the same conversation with different people.

If walking into the room isnt a problem for you, then I would turn up a little late so that there are lots of people there already, I find that easier than a room with just a couple of people.