Just realised I have no one to turn to

[Kateshairenvy]

Just had a horrible row with DH and need a handhold but realised I have no one to turn to. 2 DC but it's obv not their responsibility. LC with DM and she'd just use it against me later. No other close family. I've realised that despite lots of acquaintances, I probably don't have a real friend to confide in and I suddenly feel very alone. Not sure what I am expecting to get out of this, just venting, I guess.

pete I do meal plan so I don't think that would magic up the money but thank you for the chore suggestions though

pixie maybe, people just don't warm to me that much. I'm quite shy too.

As annoying as it is, sit and note what you want, or what you don’t want. Be ready to throw anything you want out there and hand some responsibility to him to come up with some ideas too. SeasidePebbles, what a lovely opening response. If ever I need a hand, I hope you’re on my thread 💐

Agree seaside thank you for the handhold x

Also, maybe add 1 really fun thing to the list like choosing a family activity once a week - which game to play as a family, or film to watch- or picking a new plant to grow. Just something that makes the chores list less of a dreaded thing for everyone and highlighting that everybody is involved in the family life and house.

That's a good idea - I wouldn't have thought of that.

Hi op. I'm also someone who turns to mn when things go badly with dh. It's quite difficult to realise you don't have many people to speak to. I'm here to listen

I felt a bit better just getting it out, and have been recommended some good strategies. I'm usually very private. Maybe I don't let people close enough... I'm not sure I can change that right now.
This has been really helpful though. Thanks to everyone who's posted.

Awww thank you!

He says I just need to ask him and he'll help

But he doesn't need to "help" he needs to do his fair share. He's not taking his share of the running of the household seriously, he thinks it's "your job" and that you're like a manager and will delegate tasks to him if you need to.

He needs to drastically change his mindset.

This explains it very well

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Is this a bit race to the bottom?
I've been there.

What sort of hours does he work? You say he's about to go in so is it shift/night work?

Your on long term sick is it a physical
Illness? Does this mean that you have had to give up all work?

It's easy for posters to jump on and say he should be doing his 'fair share' but if he 100% of all financial obligations have fallen to him and he works odd hours this isn't plausible.

DH and I almost separated over similar arguments. He was exhausted from working ridiculous hours and ridiculous shifts. I was exhausted from trying to look after a baby who thought sleep was evil and a house that never stayed clean. We both couldn't see past our own troubles.

I'm really sorry to here what you are going through..tell that lazy slob to wash up and vacuum.

Yes, it is night shifts. I'm on sick leave with a physical condition; actually on phased return. I am on full pay, so no more financial stress on him than usual. BUT it has been bloody stressful all round - it's a life threatening condition - which has been difficult. We basically need to get our shit together now things are improving. And he does need a small kick up the bum too.

Pinterest have lots of ideas of age appropriate chores. You might be able to print those so it's a matter of finding one to suit your family. Good idea about adding family activities and meal planning if you are able. It's a good idea to involve everyone. It teaches children independence and learn to take care of themselves and their surroundings. It's frustrating to have to organise a rota but the alternative is that nothing will change and you continue to argue.

Give him the kick girl...I hate those chaps who don't pull the weight around the house.