Co-sleeping question

[User12345667]

I have a 6 day old baby who will only sleep in my arms, after only having about four hours sleep in four days I rang my midwife in despair and she came out and showed me how to breast feed lying down and how to make the bed safe to fall asleep in this position. It works a treat and I actually slept for the first time, baby re-latched himself two hours after the first feed which woke me up but both fell back asleep so I pretty much got 6 hours uninterrupted sleep, which is enough to actually survive.

My hopes are now sky high that this will continue, but I've just remembered all the sids risk stuff says about baby always going to sleep flat on their back. For this breast feeding/co-sleeping position I've been shown baby sleeps on his side. Is this really dangerous? I now feel too scared to do it, but it's my only chance of getting some sleep. I can always roll him onto his back if I don't fall asleep before he finishes feeding, but that won't be every time.

Help please!!

Also, follow up question. My boob leaks so much like this so baby has his face in quite a bit wet patch by the time we wake up. Is that really bad?

I was told by my midwife that side lying is as safe as back sleeping, the problem is if you put them on their side in a cot on their own, they tend to roll over onto their front, which is unsafe, so people prop them up with pillows/towels, which is even more unsafe. When co-sleeping they don't roll onto their front because your boob is in the way.

More recently I've read that anthropological sleep studies of co-sleeping mother-baby breastfeeding pairs show that the baby tends to roll onto his or her back after co-sleeping and feeding, so that's fine.

In my experience of co-sleeping for 2 years with baby 1 and almost a year now with baby 2, I've never found them face down on me, but also, I have found I tend to wake up if there is ever a problem e.g. too hot, about to throw up, weird position etc.

User can you get Co sleeping cot? Check out ebay and stuff, different sizes.

I found it perfect solution because they are right next to you however, you can totally relax in sleep knowing they are safe.

I think the wet patch is fairly unavoidable at this stage, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. Wear a soft bra to sleep in and use breast pads but it won't help much from the boob you've used to feed.

If you are after some reassurance about newborn sleep and co-sleeping in general I loved the books Sweet Sleep and also Three In A Bed.

The problem with the co sleeper cost is they cant help themselves to your nipple. Ours ended up as useless because DS would not sleep unless he was basically on me.

Dark days OP, I sympathise but great that you have a supportive midwife. I once went to get DS weighed and they asked me how it was going. I was a tired, anxious wreck and nearly cried at the HV when I said he wasnt sleeping. 'Well as long as he is on his back and alone nothing else matters' was the response I got.

Excellent post from Bertie.

I'm so pleased your midwife was able to help you co sleep safely. Some are very anti which just leads people to accidentally co sleep which can be dangerous.

When DS was tiny he would always sleep on his side after feeding lying down and as Bertie says, would roll on to his back sometimes after as he couldn't roll forward because I was there.

After the first two weeks of cluster feeding and late nights things got much better for us and DS went quickly into 3 and 4 hour stretches so I always got plenty of sleep so hopefully it will be the same for you soon.

This is exactly what happened to me! I don’t have any advice but I think the idea is that they naturally roll back on to their backs after they’ve finished with the boob. And it’s so much safer than you holding them and accidentally falling asleep. It was honestly a life saver for me after the midwife showed me how to do it, I’d had approx 1 hours sleep in 3 nights until then. Enjoy your sleep

'Well as long as he is on his back and alone nothing else matters' was the response I got.

well that's bloody helpful. It sounds like we had the same HV.

Hahaha at cosleeping cot - that was never close enough for my son (though physically we might be the same distance he was never happy if it wasn’t the same sleep surface). He never lasted an entire night in one.

I found that, like Bertie says, he tended to roll back onto his back after feeding, and I always woke if there was something wrong, as you would hopefully do if they were in a separate cot

It made me feel like such a failure!

My lo is now 7 months and we've been co-sleeping. Like you I was reluctant due to sids but the only way I could get sleep was by side lying with DD.

I have DD head on my arm so she can't actually roll into her front. I also have a next to me crib so I can gently slide her in after she's fallen asleep (if I'm awake/wake up). It also means she can sleep on the edge side of the bed and if she rolls over away from me she just falls in the crib. I'm not keen having her sandwiched between me and dh.

The only problem I've found is I don't fall into a deep sleep when she's in the bed (I know from my fitness tracker watch). My shoulders get sore if she's on me all night too. Otherwise it's been fine. I've got loads more sleep than I would have.

Yes we naively have a next to me crib all set up which he won't use. I keep biscuits and isotonic drinks in it now. Expensive table.

Tried breastfeeding on side and gradually moving him closer and closer to the next to me, absolutely fine until he's in it then he just screams and screams. Same with the Moses basket. Same with the swing. Same with the bouncer.

He doesn't seem to be naturally rolling on to his front, he does seem to stay on his side but no way he can roll on to his front as boob barrier is well in place.

Yes I did find it hard on my hips and shoulders having to stay in a fixed position all night. I have to say that cosleeping gives me some sleep (as opposed to none) but not good sleep. But it was the only option for me

I co slept with my little boy. He breast fed what felt like constantly and lying down to feed on my side was my only way to get some sleep and he was far happier. Great that you have a supportive midwife!

I'm pregnant now & plan to co-sleep again. This time I have got a next to the bed, co-sleeping crib. I know the baby prob won't always sleep in it as will want to be closer to me. But gives me peace of mind that they cannot roll out of bed and if I do wake and they aren't latched. Can easily scoot them over into their own space.

Good luck

Have a look up of the "Safe sleep seven" to reassure yourself. I would not have made it through the newborn stage without cosleeping.

As long as you’re following the safer guidelines it’s definitely less risky than falling asleep with him on you without planning on it.

You’ll get there with the worrying about it, I tended to sleep with my arm above baby’s head and a pillow behind my back to lie back on so I didn’t accidentally roll forward onto baby.

About the leaking - sleep on a towel short term. I did for the first few weeks.

Congratulations x

What a shame op. Mine was quite large and was exact level of our mattress so dc had no idea it was separate. It was life saver for me.
Haverhill you tried lying on something to make it warm and smell of you and putting that in crib. I found the tiniest movement could ruin painstaking hours of getting to sleep.

Also, remember to keep trying different things because 6 days is weeny.

They ebb and change all the time.

Another one who had a next to me crib that was used as a table for my snacks and tea

Also, hopefully you won’t get this, but all I heard from friends/family was how I was making a rod for my own back, they’d be a clingy child blah blah. Nonsense. My two are happy and fun and wonderful and co sleeping saved my bacon. So please ignore if you get this!

This is my life atm! I did worry at first but we're getting used to it now. I think she must help herself in the night because some nights I don't think she's fed but she's gained weight beautifully (17 days old now). I try to get her into the Next 2 Me if I'm a bit more awake but she rarely accepts it!

We use it as a table too, think the mattress is very firm which is why baby dislikes it? Not so bothered by the proper cot

It feels like hell at the time and like it will never end.
DS is 10 months. God I want another baby!

When I had my first baby, the nurse discharging me came over with a bunch of leaflets. She said "We have to tell everyone not to co-sleep, but if you want any sleep ever you definitely will at some point". She wasn't wrong!

Look up safe co-sleeping guidance and enjoy not having to get out of bed all night. You're happy, baby's happy, everyone has some sleep. Ignore any twats telling you you're making a rod for your own back, what they mean is that you should make your life definitely much more difficult now, instead of it maybe or maybe not being hard later. Mine all went straight from my bed to their own at 1.5-2 with no fuss at all.

And yes definitely you can change it later. DS was 8 months when I needed my own space back. We had one night of loads of wake ups but now he goes to sleep in his cot in his own room and it's all marvellous. apart from the 2 hour wake up last night for no discernable reason

I find the Co-sleeper Cots are excellent as a bed guard and table at this stage :o they come into their own as a sleep space later which really helps with the transition to separate sleep. But directly next to you is absolutely fine at this age. I firmly and honestly believe that this is exactly where newborns are meant to be. (and maybe not so newborns, too...)