Anyone Stayed Together For Sake Of Chidren ?

[IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]

Hello

Wondering how many of you out there have stayed together for the sake of your children...

*Im not including women who have experienced emotional, physical or sexual abuse in this.
*
Also not looking to hear from women who have left ...

Just genuinely interested to hear from those who have stayed and how people found it.

Thankyou

My parents did. Until my youngest brother was in secondary school. It was a miserable 10 years for all of us. We were greatly relieved when they finally separated and everyone is much happier now.

We knew they were miserable, it made family life miserable.

My mum. She stayed, was only going to stay until we got to secondary, then 18, then when we left home. Then she died before she could ever leave and we blame ourselves that her life was shit - she stayed "for us" but we would have all been happier if she hadn't. It was a fucking awful way to grow up.

There's a rule to these threads. If you ask whether or not you should stay in an amicable but loveless relationship for the sake of your kids, you'll be told no, don't do it, your kids can tell, just break up already.

If you ask the same thing but then say I'm thinking of leaving because there's this guy in the office I like you'll be told you're selfish and disgusting, your kids will hate you for leaving and the grass isn't greener.

So...

My parents stayed together for the sake of us kids and they thought we didn't know because they were so good at putting on a front. We knew. Not right away but we gradually realised it and it was fucking miserable, when they were genuinely getting along it was alright but times when they had fallen out and were just pretending to get along, the atmosphere was oppressive. I don't think its any coincidence that all of us struggled with anxiety in our late teens or that we hid things from our parents as we didn't want to make the situation worse by giving them additional stress.

I stayed, for about 18 years from when I first found out he was a player ( kids were 1 and 4 then) until my son left school.

I thought the kids would be better off with two parents than one, and especially because my ex was in the armed forces. If I'd left, the kids wouldn't have seen much of him at all . I'd have had to go back to where my family was to get any support, and my parents would have been very negative about it, since they had very conservative attitudes about separation and divorce.

So I stayed, and we lived more-or-less like brother and sister for those years. It wasn't horrible at all, he was a good father if not a good husband, and he kept his private life separate from family life . The kids had a good life , although they now say that they had a pretty good idea that Dad was unfaithful because of little things they saw or heard.

I left him when both kids were grown up ( 19 and 23) and it was a big surprise to everyone including my ex , who'd thought that we'd just keep chugging along as before and had no idea that I'd been planning to go for years.

My kids now say that they would have been fine if I'd left sooner, but that is just them talking, because they didn't have to experience it ,and so they have rose-coloured glasses on . In reality it would have been a lot harder than they imagine !

Ex and I got a divorce and we're both remarried now. My DH is like a father to my kids and grandchildren, but my ex has ghosted my kids and me in favour of his "new family" . That is painful for me to see - I don't care if I never see him again but it's awful that he doesn't see his kids or grandchildren ( probably through bitterness about the divorce I guess ).

I don't regret the way I handled things at all. Living with him was like living with my brother - it may not be the way other women would want to live, but I made a decision based on what I thought was best for my kids at the time.