Is it normal to feel this tired?!

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

Someone is going to tell me 'dont expect strangers to diagnose you' but I've been to my GP three times saying I am worried I have PND but he says I dont.

I have one DS who is 10 months. He has been a crap sleeper until the last 3 months or so - now he will go through the night but more often than not is awake by 5.30, usually 5. His morning naps are usually good but sometimes he will only for for 30 mins for lunch. So I dont often get much me time which means I end up going to bed later.

DH is working crazy hours and we aren't on very good terms at the moment. He feels I criticise him and I feel he must does things wrong! Quick example- DH says 'DS's tea is fine'. I check it - its scalding hot.

I just feel so ground down and so so tired. DS often does 6-7 dirty nappies a day. I feel like if I'm not wiping a highchair or the floor im wiping a bottom of a baby who does not want to lie still.

I try and do a lot with him. We are part of a very active NCT group and I dont want to feel left out. This week we have been swimming, the park, a trip to the vets, a play group, 2x national trust sites, softplay, a petting farm/softplay place and I took him to a creche while I went to the gym. I have driven for about 3 hrs today (he fell asleep on the way back so I didnt want to interrupt his lunch time nap). This is quite a normal week for us.
We had his check last week and the HV said he was overweight and I cant spoonfeed him t all anymore so I'm trying to prepare healthy lunches for him - he isnt often spoon fed and I feed him very good food (e.g. i make him his own 'jam' using strawberries and chia seeds) but not being able to use the odd pouch is frustrating. It's also made me anxious about his weight because I thought he was ok.

I just want to hide from him and close my eyes.
I dont know whether this is:
A) normal tiredness - I do a lot
B) abnormal tiredness- I should be able to cope with this

If its B I dknt know whether it's a symptom of a mental or physical problem.

I dont really know what I'm expecting people to say. Just writing it down has helped a bit!

@Aozora13 I worry that I feel really angry sometimes, especially if he wakes early from.his afternoon nap - I'm obsessed with his sleep.

I'm not sure whether the DH thing is a symptom of depression or if I'm depressed because of it.

This week has been busier than usual in hindsight. Usually we do one thing a day, somehow it has ended up as two. On Sunday I actually said 'we dont have anything in the diary this week'!

I am naturally a busy person but it's gone too far this week. DH is off to get a takeaway (we have about 2 a year so this is a big deal!)

Have you had any blood tests done? I was absolutely exhausted when my eldest was 7months old - at first GP was dismissive, suggesting it was normal new Mum tiredness but when he did my bloods I had a dangerously under active thyroid. An under active thyroid can also affect your mood. Might be worth ruling out.

No I haven't- thanks. I think I might go back and ask for some tests.

Do you have a baby bouncer? Put him in that and let him bounce while you have a cuppa.

He wont be strapped in. Absolutely hates it. We've even put the jumperoo in the loft now. We do have a bit fenced off as his area but he doesn't like it for too long (read 5 minutes!)

Echoing what others have said, you're doing too much and putting too much pressure on yourself, especially with trying to make meals for your 10 month old.

Sounds to me like you need a break from your baby. Do you actually get out and do something on your own one day a week? I'm saying that with what you mentioned about being anxious when he wakes up and you get out to stop him crawling all over you at home.

You just sound a bit stressed out and fed up to me.

It does sound like you have too much on, but I was also wondering about your thyroid levels. Quite a few women develop hypothryoidism post partum (or perhaps they had it before, but it becomes more obvious when combined with the bone crushing tiredness of having a baby).

I would cut back but keep the gym/creche as it is a bit of time for you, even if you only go and sit in the steam room and enjoy the silence. If you do have the energy for exercise it will help lift your mood, but any bit of respite will do you the world of good. In fact personally I'd be doing that several times a week and then maybe one or two NCT things max.

The first year especially can be so relentless but also boring in amongst all the joy and whatnot. I think you realise yourself that you’ve been overdoing things so maybe just scale everything back for a couple of weeks and see how you do. Also carve out some time for yourself to do something for you, whatever you enjoy doing. If your DH whines about being tired because work you can remind him that households where both parents are working have to suck it up so he’ll probably survive.

And maybe speak to GP to see if there are physical causes oh and enjoy your takeaway tonight!

I have an almost 2 year old and I felt the same, like I had to do something each day. I actually found it easier to go out then stay at home! I go a bit stir crazy at home. Maybe change a couple of those day to more chilled days where you just walk to a nearby park and have a picnic xx

@Fatted that's exactly what I am. Stressed out and fed up. I need a holiday. I spend my life wiping.

Which is ridiculous because I go back to work in 7 weeks and I'm dreading it.

@Wingingthis that's exactly what I'm going to do. I have sone local mum friends so I'm going to invite them

I have PND and starting to get better. It doesn't sound like you have it and if the doctor has said you haven't I would try and put it out of your mind.
Life with a baby is HARD and I would try and cut down on the activities and maybe go for a long walk every day so you are not stuck in the house but you are getting some time where you are not constantly in mum mode.
Find something your DC enjoys, mine was cars/lorry/bus so I spend every day walking on main roads as he loves it and I get a bit of peace!!
Try and enjoy your maternity time but remember to look after yourself.

I'm sorry to hear that @notsurewhattotype. Im glad you are on the mend.

It all goes so quickly. I spent the first 3 months of his life walking round the park with him in a sling trying to get him to sleep.

I wish I could go back and do it better. Enjoy it more. Accept it more. Relax more.

He has been tough. From 6 weeks he stopped napping in his pram and it was sling or nothing. Sometimes I could do stuff while he slept in it, other times I couldn't. So I walked - a lot!

His sleep was so bad I was desperate to fix it. I have a scar on my shin where I kicked the bouncer (not with him in it i hasten to add) out of sheer desperation. And meanwhile I would watch women walking together with their wee ones asleep in the pram thinking 'I've completely fucked this up'. I must have driven thousands of miles to get him to nap.

I love him so much and he is so lovely. But I have shouted at him and I have got really frustrated and I feel terrible for that.

I wish I could be a better mother to him.

And now I've made myself cry.

@NeverGotMyPuppy you are a great mum!!!

We all get frustrated, this is a 24/7 job and your little one needs you! I know that probably doesn't help but he loves you.
There are days when I just feel like giving up as nothing goes to plan, he cry's and won't eat or nap and nothing I do seems to calm him down.
My therapist told me that each baby sees everyone in their life as different, each person has a different role to play and that being mum is the hardest, most stressful and tiring role and she is right.
You need to get some support and someone to talk to as your feelings as normal, I bet most of the mums on here have got frustrated when they are exhausted.

Haven't read full thread because I had to get this out - I actually thought you were ME until I got to the point where you listed this week's activities.

OMFG.

My DS is also 10 months and also on the move (check my other posts), but we've had two weeks in the last month where we've barely left the house because of various illnesses and bad weather. And I am STILL exhausted. How can you be bothered with doing that much?

I think you need to chill with DS at home for a while. And sit on your arse when he naps.
And go to bed by 9pm a couple of nights a week (damn you, Love Island, for keeping me up!)

Try that and see how you feel. I do have PND and I'm not sure that if you did you would be able to do as much as you're doing in terms of activities. I physically wouldn't be able to drag us out of the house that many times. But everyone differs so worth speaking to GP anyway.

You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. I don't think you're really meant to 'enjoy' maternity leave. As in it's not a holiday, the whole point you take it is because the first year is bloody exhausting and throwing work into tune mix is often just too much.

Also I know it's been ten months but physically you're probably still healing from pregnancy and childbirth. I believe it takes two years to be back to normal.

I would just try do one thing a day, babies don't need constant entertainment. Maybe go buy some new toys to have at home.

It's really tough but stop comparing yourself to others, we are all different and I also think some of the mums chat crap at baby clubs so take it with a pinch of salt!

Ow I've read your 22.14 post. You poor thing. You sound so similar to me. I too have shouted at baby and then wanted to kill myself for being the absolute worst mum in the world. Ditto for going back in time and doing it 'better'. And ditto again for looking at others and thinking you've gone wrong.

All totally normal but very hard to 'hear' from yourself.

I too have driven miles to get DS to sleep in the 5-8 month period. I listened to lots of books on Audible and had nice Starbucks drive-thru lunches

Where are you based? PM me - if we're close we should get together for a coffee and a moan. X

I think it's fairly normal - most parents with young children are dropping with exhaustion at some point. But I also think it's a sign that if you can scale back your life, you should.
My rule when DC were small was: one outside home activity per day and one conversation with an adult per day so I didn't get stir crazy.

You are doing 9 activities in a week!

Just scale back. Find some routine local ones that you and your baby seem to enjoy (mine loved soft play and baby music classes so we kept them up, then topped up the weekday outings with local playgroups or a meet up in the playpark. We sometimes went to petting zoos or on outings but rarely.

If you've had a bad night's sleep, ditch the plans. Just have a duvet day. Stay in PJs, snooze on the bed together, even put on some TV to entertain him while you nap in the same room.

This period of time will pass. Meanwhile make sure you are looking after yourself too. Take Floradix iron supplements and Vitamin D spray as deficiencies in both these cause tiredness and see if they have any effect.

Hi op I don't think its for anyone else to say if you ate doing to much only you know if that's helpful some People find it easier to potter at home and some find being out and about with friends is easier. I went out every day but it was often just for a walk in pram / libary/ feed ducks I did do a few play groups each week. I think it's great that you have a nice social circle often new mums are isolated if you feel the meeting up is good for you and your son I say go for it but if you feel some time at home relaxing would help then don't be afraid to go for it. You could even just do one day a week at home just potterimg and try and nap when baby does. The food thing i think its fine to use an odd pouch when out and about ( when you are st this stzhe yoi can get a little caught up in rules I did ) This would be my one piece of advice 're sleep even if it's twice a week go to bed very early and catch up on sleep I know it might feel like you are losing out on you time but sometimes sleep has to take priority.

Thanks everyone. I am definitely feeling more tired than usual and I think it probably has been the week combined with the bloody early wakings. 5.30 this morning .

I think I am a busy person and - this isnt remotely a brag - I am quite industrious. I had 10 weeks off before DS was born (teacher) and I never managed the sleeping all day, just watching movie thing.

I think buying some new toys is a great idea I do worry he is bored. DH is home today so I might ask him to take him out.

I definitely couldn't doze while DS is around - he hurts himself about 9000 times a day!

I think there's some great advice on here especially with regards to how much you are doing. But something that really stood out to me was what you said about other mums walking sleeping babies in prams. It's not always as it seems OP. That was me. Except my baby would only sleep in a moving pram, after screaming the first 20 mins of the walk, and then within 2 mins of being home he would be awake. I was bloody exhausted. And broken. It was awful. I hope you can find a new routine that works for you, and prioritises your own well-being. If it were me, I'd still go out but don't make the days out so big. At 10 months a trip to the library OR the park will do. It's good to stay home and develop play skills as well, including independent play (although that's a way off yet).

Rught next week is supposed to be toasty so I'm going to buy a shade for the garden and have some time in it.

We are lucky that the furthest I have gone for any of these places is an hour- swimming is less than a 5 minute walk as is the park and soft play is a 4 min drive

@LillyBugg that is very true