I can't cope with being a mum

[p0mbear]

Feeling so ashamed and like the worst parent in the world to be honest but I just want to know how normal this is. I suffer with depression and am on antidepressants for this, which have just been increased, so I find it hard to know what’s normal and what is. I know that every parent needs a break from their kids and finds their kids hard work but I feel like this might be different.

I absolutely adore my DD who is 4. She is generally quite a good girl as far as kids go apart from little things which I’m sure all kids do. I’m a single parent, I work full time as a nurse and we live alone. Ever since I started with depression I try and get out for a long dog walk on my own each day as it really helps clear my head. I either do this while she’s at preschool or ask my mum to watch her for an hour.

Basically, When I’m around her I just feel so incredibly low. I love her to pieces I really do, but I literally live for the 2 days every 2 weeks that she spends with her dad and the time when she is at preschool and I’m off. I actually miss her when she’s not around, but then the minute she is I feel down again. I've no friends or close family with children so I have no one to spend time with with her.

I’ve tried, tried, and tried to get her dad to have her more, for her sake more so than mine as she misses him. But he runs a pub so he thinks that comes before everything and will not commit to ANY extra time.

I can’t cope and it’s breaking my heart. I’m starting to even feel angry when I’m around her and it’s making me short and snappy with her which really isn’t fair. When I am with her, I can’t cope with her alone so I have to go round to my parents and just sit there. I am honestly dreading these school holidays. I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I honestly feel like I can’t be a good mum to her and she would be better off if I just left.

Hi OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling so low.

Have you spoke to your GP about how you feel? Could your mum help out more?

Op, your dd loves you and would NOT be better off without you.
Can you drop the idea of “being a good enough mum”. The fact that you miss her when she is away means you are already a great mum. You just need a bit of support, that’s all.
What part of the country are you in? Start with your GP and ask for some help.

Are you sure its not your job thats the problem. i was a single parent nurse and my job stressed me out so much I could not enjoy a single thing in my private life and just wanted to be left alone when I was off work.
Also anti depression medication isn't all it's cracked up to be, it made me feel so much worse, suicidal and deadened all my feelings for everything.
I feel so much better off it and the world has come to life again.
I feel doctors are far too liberal with medication we don't need. Feeling a bit down isn't a reason for giving you a medication lobotomy.

Your dd will always be better off with you, even if your just there in the background mostly.

Definitely go back to your gp.

You mentioned you enjoy going out for a dog walk. Do you go out with your dd? What’s it like when you’re out with her?

You sound tired & worn out. Can you get away with her & maybe another friend with a child for a few days? Or get your parents to have her at theirs for a full weekend? If you get a bit more time to recuperate it would be easier to come up with a plan - when I get like this with mine it’s because I’m running on empty - and then I get myself together with some time on my own then take her away with me somewhere new for 24 hours & explore & stay in a b&b and have fun together x