Moving into temporary house, very emotional

[Glitter99x]

Hi,

Bit of a backstory before I get into what's going on. I'm 26, I have severe anxiety and still live at home. I feel way behind everyone else my age, I feel like a failure (I'm saying this about myself, I'm not saying people with anxiety are failures at all- this is the way I feel about myself- I am very hard on myself). Nearly 10 years ago I started having anxiety attacks where I would walk to college and be by myself and all of a sudden have an attack. This led to me stopping going out, and getting a fear of being on my own. I can't be on my own even at home. I've tried various therapies and none have worked.
My parents after years of being together and marriage separated last year. We have all come through the other side, but it's not been easy and a lot of trauma involved. We went from all living together, mum working full time, to them separating, and then having to go on benefits with no other income, as mum had a mental breakdown and moved half an hour away. We couldn't afford our rent, went on social housing and now have been given a temporary house.

So that's the backstory. I am grateful for this house but I'm a very anxious, emotional person. It's very difficult for me to leave this house and move in for 6 months with my dad and brother after so many years of being in this house, which I love, it's my happy place. It's a lot smaller which I knew it would be. It needs a paint job, which is okay, they have given us a paint kit. The parking is round the corner which makes me a bit anxious but i will get used to it. What is difficult for me though is that the stairs are long and very narrow which worries me, even holding onto the railing. The rooms are very small, the garden not very nice, but would look better after being mowed. I know I'm being petty. But I've lived in this house for 8 years and it is a bit of a shock to the system. I know when we have curtains etc up, our belongings moved in, it will be better. I'm just feeling very emotional. I can never sleep in new places well. I have an agoraphobic brother so he has kind of become a source of reliance, as I know I'm never alone. I have been trying to pretend I'm on my own at home. I've been told to grow up, by various people, as it's a very bizarre fear. I am just posting this hoping for some support.

By the way, I re-read what I wrote, I just want to say I don't blame either of my parents for the separation, it had to happen to make things better, as otherwise neither my mum or dad would be able to be happy.

It's understandable that you're upset! Moving when you don't want to move, and to what feels like a less pleasant house, is never easy, and it's almost like a grieving process.

I promise you, once you've given it a good clean, slapped that paint up, got your things positioned how you like them (maybe you can treat yourself to something new - some cushions, or a throw, or a pot plant or flowers - it will start feeling like yours, and eventually it starts feeling like 'home'.

Most people dislike radical change. One step at a time to make yourself feel comfortable.

@mbosnz Thank you I'm just being emotional basically just grieving over this house, it's all very sudden also.

Hey OP, I recently bought a house and I found the first few weeks very overwhelming and difficult and I wanted to move (and loved the house!)

Like you, the new place didn’t feel like home and all I wanted was to go back at the end of the day to my own home/safe place.

A tip I wish I had been told was to start with just one room (I did my bedroom) and make it cosy and just as you want it. I painted mine, put up new curtains and rails and got some new pretty bed linen. I also unpacked that room, and then got all boxes etc out, so it was ‘finished’. It was such a relief to have one room I felt was ‘mine’ and even if the rest of the house was/is scary, after being in them, I could retreat back to my space to read, sleep or feel at home in.

It’s been about 6 week now, and I have finished 4 rooms. It’s not the most efficient way to go room by room, but it works well for me. The place feels much more like ‘mine’ as a whole and I actually enjoy moving onto a new room to work on and make mine now, whereas to start with I dreaded it and just wanted to leave the whole house.

I really hope this helps, and that in a few weeks you’ll feel like this too - and been better that this home is your sanctuary as YOU get to make the paint colour and furniture and styling decisions. Good luck!

*even better, not been better (in the last paragraph)

For me, smell is very important. So I like to put in a bunch of flowers, and a scented candle (Yes, I know, for some, they are the work of the devil). And once you start cooking your foods, and using your cleaners, it will start smelling like home. Soon, when you start thinking 'God I wish I was home', it will be where you picture.

You'll get there. I do understand.

@Finfintytint Thank you

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar Thank you for your tips I agree make it nice and cosy fresh duvet set etc.
@mbosnz I love candles and flowers, thank you great tips also

Oooh, and if you can, get you guys a nice takeaways, have 'em by candlelight, sitting on the floor, listening to all the cheesy family music - awesome way to start making memories in your new home! and maybe ?! And definitely

@mbosnz that sounds nice

Anyone else?

I know how you feel .

I’m 27 and currently lying on my bed in my mum’s house , too scared to go to sleep due to anxiety .

No partner , not many friends . No close relatives and a multitude of crap going on with family anyway .

I really, one hundred per cent know how you feel . We aren’t failures , but I know what you mean , I cry myself to sleep a lot because I’m scared I’m falling behind everyone else . Desperate to feel normal and het too scared to try !

If you want, DM me - happy to talk .

@aliceknight sorry for late response, I hope you are okay sweet (hope okay to call you that if not no worries)