Help elderly DM struggling to eat and drink

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Hi hoping for advice as feel lost as to what we can do. DM is 87 and lives in a supported living complex. Over the last 6 months she has lost appetite and struggles to both eat and drink, it is a constant struggle. She has had loads of tests, scans etc and nothing wrong just old age. Have tried Wiltshire farm foods etc but she doesn't like them. Every suggestion I make she rejects. Feel like I am bullying her into eating and drinking which is horrible. she had lost so much weight and is depressed and on ADs. She does not want strangers coming in to her flat to cook (tried that already) and I live and work quite a way away so ican't be there very much. As anyone any suggestions? It all feels so hopeless and depressing☹️

Has she tried the supplementary drinks such as fortisip or ensure, they come in a variety of flavours and can be used as a supplementory or even a complete source of nutrition. Some of them are v.high calory so plenty of nutrients and calories can be consumed in a small volume. Might also be worth getting her b12/ vit d/ iron levels checked as well

Add full fat milk, cream and cheese to dishes that require it. Speak to her gp about build up drinks. She might be tempted by puddings

Has she lost weight? Does she wear dentures? Often elderly people who lose weight have ill-fitting dentures that hurt their mouths and they get infections and this stops them from eating. Maybe a trip to the dentist is in order.

Thanks for the suggestion s. I will ask GP re fortified drinks. She doesn't like sweet things really and drinking even a 200ml glass of anything is a real struggle. Don't think dentures are an issue but will check. x

Would she eat these to help with hydration? www.jellydrops.co.uk/

Sorry - just seen that they're not available yet. I thought about them because a friend who's a dementia nurse posted about them the other day.

I came on to say about those jelly sweet hydration things too. Are they available to buy yet?

Jellydrops are still in prototype we are on a list for when they do become available

Same her with DGM. Her appetite went with her early stage dementia and nothing will tempt her except for random bursts where she says ‘I fancy an onion bhajee/salty crisps/flapjack’ and we run round accommodating it

However she does have two ensure drinks per day. The apple one isn’t too bad. She has it through a straw and it gets quite a few calories in. We’ve noticed when she does this her energy picks up then (ironically) her appetite does too. Lucozade is another but doesn’t have the nutrients ensure does. You can buy some at the chemist if you just want to try before getting a prescription for them?

Would second the fortified drinks, also little and often and 'snack' type food, a meal, however small can feel intimidating if you don't feel hungry. Has she lost weight? It could be if she's become less active than she used to be then she needs less to fuel what she is doing? Full fat milk, cheese, butter etc is also a great way to add calories with a small diet. A few biscuits with butter and cheese, a pork pie, hot chocolate or coffee with full fat milk, yoghurts etc, very small snack type food but maybe not as overwhelming as a meal and can be eaten in stages without it spoiling or going cold.

I think the real problem is that if she’s depressed she just doesn’t feel hungry or thirsty. Having an elderly parent is incredibly difficult, and I’m sure you’re absolutely doing your best.
Is there anyone else who calls on her, does she have any hobbies or interests that she could be helped to engage with? Would she go out for tea with someone? I worked in an elderly setting once and there was always great pleasure taken on Thursdays from having fish and chips delivered, it was a big treat for people who’d lost a lot of their agency.
I agree with the advice about calorie dense, small portions. M&S do a range aimed at the elderly solo diner - shepherds pies, liver and bacon etc. Best of luck.

We used to do as above (we didn't realise it was early dementia at the time). We would get lots of things like cheeses, pork pies, parties, cooked sausages that she could just graze on. Packets of nuts and biscuits, and cartons of drinks near her armchair where she sat most of the time so she didn't have to get up.

I think when blood sugar is low you don't feel hungry and even feel sick which makes it worse and then they're stuck in a downward cycle.

My brother batch cooks 2/3 weeks of dinners for my mum at a time and fills her freezer, they come out in the morning and are cooked in the microwave at dinner time (by her carer). He bought a whole load of Tupperware with lids that fit particularly well in her freezer. They are small portions as she doesn't eat big ones but all food she likes too, she also is more likely to eat them as she doesn't want his efforts to go to waste - this wasn't the case with ready meals.
We just leave her fruit & snacky things she picks at during the day. We all live quite a way away so we do have to rely on carers quite a bit but this seems to be working for us.

Be careful with supplement drinks without proper advice. If concerned about intake it may be worth asking GP for a dietetic referral so they can properly look into what nutrition / calories are required.

If people suddenly start having a lot of nutrients after a long time of minimal intake it can cause significant medical problems and make them very unwell as the body struggles to cope.

Has she maybe lost her sense of taste? My Dad wasn’t eating after being on tramadol. I went to a herbalist and got some drops to dilute and swish over his tongue which made a significant difference.

Oh bless her.Im having this problem with my mum at the moment.Have you tried vitamin supplements or a tonic, I use these with her, she even says herself they increase her appetite. Good luck

If she isn't keen on sweet but will drink a little, try asking the GP about Ensure compacts, they are very small and full of nutrition. They also make Ensure savory, the one we used at work was a Chicken soup one, and was small, only 200 mls. www.abbottnutrition.ie/products/ensure-plus-savoury It looks like you can get free smaples.
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My mum is 88 and we have a similar worry , in so far as she she eats very little , and is shrinking before our eyes . However she is pretty active she goes to bingo twice a week , she catches the bus into town to her shopping ( mainly fags ! ) she still does her washing and cleans the house , she has just lost interest in food . I have chosen not too get too worked up about it and just see it as part of getting old, and she is very happy , but if we nag her she gets annoyed

You could get her vit b12 levels checked , I watched a programme about appetite loss and they suggested calorie dense foods as opposed to increasing the amount they eat, they said fruit cake was good for this , and of course high fat everything , and dont worry too unduely about the nutritional value , as weight gain and stimulating the appetite was more important . your taste buds arent what they used to be when you get older too

And , as much as its not something we want to think about , no one lives for ever and sometimes your body just says enough , and while my mum is of sound mind and happy , she openly says she has had her life and she doesn't fear death

And as hard

Fortisip was a boon with my DF in the late stages of dementia when he was struggling to eat. Her GP might be able to prescribe some like this.

Thanks all I appreciate your advice x

Ooooh.... also mild urinary tract infections can cause appetite suppression, too. (And dementia symptoms, so if she already has dementia, it may be hard to spot.)

MIL is the same 88 and just over 5 stone (Admittedly only 5 ft too but still a bag of bones) when she is with us she will eat a good plate for dinner (small portion but still rounded meal) and enjoy it when she is home she can't be bothered - we live Midlands she is south London - so its worrying. She doesn't like the fortified drinks and won't have a microwave. Still has a boil on the stove kettle and refuses a normal kettle never mind a push button one. No dementia or altzheimers in this case just sheer bloodymindedness. There are many things we reluctantly accept as her decision and keep nagging about the others...She refuses to come and stay for any length of time as she doesn't like leaving her place empty, refuses to consider a home and will only consider alms houses which she is not entitled to....arghghghghg